UNCAT

Exert from the United Nations Cataloguing Taskforce (or UNCAT) inaugural speech by prof.dr. Emily Parsnip:

"As we all know, not all men's preferences are the same. Some prefer a blonde, others want a redhead. Some like big tits, others prefer the perky smaller ones. Some prefer a slit that fits like a sleeve, others love a bit of resistance or tightness when they penetrate. And there are a dozen more things like that. Together, they make up a profile; and for every particular man, that profile describes this man’s ideas about his ideal girl.

"It is unlikely that any random girl that a man meets on the street has all the attributes that this particular man enjoys. She may have the right hair color and the right tits, but when he unwraps her, he finds that he doesn’t like her genitals at all. And that is just one example. In fact, there are so many factors, he could spend his entire lifetime searching for his ideal fuck toy, and never find her. After all, the chance for any girl to have all those attributes he likes is less than one in a million. In the past, it meant he had little option but to settle for second best. But, tada. We live in the information age now, and us, the girls finally have the right mindset to agree, heck, to be enthusiastic about having a place in such a catalogue, and better serve the needs of maledom. We don’t want our men to settle for a compromise, do we? And a one in a million match isn’t actually that bad, there are millions of girls in this world. Billions, actually. It means that that “one in a million” girl could actually be found… if all those girls were in a searchable database, men could just enter the selection criteria that they want, and screens and screens of girls might show up, from all over to he world, each of who could be his personal favourite fuck toy. For the pleasure of men, it is important that the girls are catalogued.

"Of course it will be an immense job to get all the girls in the world catalogued, to collect the data, evaluate every single girl in the mountains of Chili and the deserts of Mongolia alike, and store all of it in such a database. It will take billions of dollars to get it done; it would require a huge worldwide organisation to implement, advanced computer software, an enormous staff… and exactly that is what UNCAT will have.

"For I believe that it is worth it. Compiling such a database, a true worldwide catalogue of all the available girls, it would represent enormous value to maledom. Imagine every man on the planet being able to find his dream girl in mere seconds. There is really no price too high for such a service to cater our men.

"But for that to happen, we should carefully evaluate what attributes of the girls should be registered, and the qualification of all that data. Of course, there is the easy stuff: age, kilos, length, hourglass values, et cetera. But men will want to know more than those statistics. They will also be interested in the holes where they will be sticking their dick into. How does her pussy feel? What kind of pussy is it? And how about her asshole?

"These things are only very partly about centimetre and elasticity measurement. You can’t really put numbers on the experience of thrusting into a pussy. What we really need is _type_ qualifications. These should be a framework of more or less subjective designations, which allows profile registration in an organized manner, so it becomes unsealed for qualified queries.

"Just as an example of our methodology, I’ve made some basic proposals, about specific attributes and their range of classification, about what men will want to know before deciding if they want to go down on a girl… and the first attribute I will present to you now, is vulva types.

"Of course there are as many unique pussies as there are girls. Still, I believe a compartmentalized classification is well possible when we use the following general categories:

Vulva types:

BLOSSOM - labia, clit, and hood are neatly organised in layers, which are only partly overlapping, and the composing elements are structurally strong. Vulva has an inherent shape that it naturally folds back into

SLAB - Layers are disordered and structurally weak. The pussy has no own shape, merely molding around to random external forces; labia and clit hang around in a disorganised manner.

MINIMALISTIC - Labia are small or absent, and the normal skin extends to the cleft almost entirely. The clit is withdrawn completely into the cleft.

ROSEBUD - similar to minimalistic, but with a raised clit standing out into the open

VALLEY - the cleft is shallow and wide, and the labia run far apart and fold outward. Clit isn’t in contact with inner labia, and is clearly exposed.

FRAMED - Labia are especially thick and solid, forming solid walls of flesh around the cleft. Clit is oversized

ORCHID - inner labia are larger than outer, and partly overlap them as they extend further outward. clit has a tendency to stand up and out

MOP - girl is overweight, and both labia and clit submerge under general body fat.

Just as an example, here’s another category; you can find more of them in the shownotes of this meeting.

Slit types:

SLEEVE - inner slit wall (ISW) is smooth, flesh is flexible and accommodating, will mould itself elastically into the shape of penetrators. Maintaining proper penetrator grip sometimes causes problems

CAVE - similar to sleeve, but with irregular structure of ISW, resulting in variance of compression on the penetrator shaft. Often shaped like ‘rings’, these will move up and down along the shaft of a penetrator when thrusting.

REBEL - slit is smallish, has a natural reflex to resist penetration, and ISW cramps upon entry. Often accompanied by low juice levels. Doesn’t necessarily mean a low slit arousal index.

KEYHOLE - slit juices lavishly, and opens up easily, which allows for a wide range of entry methods. ISW is accommodating and supple, maintaining moderate grip of a penetrator.

SACK - Slit is wide and ISW gets pushed away by penetrator without much resilience or elasticity. Any male cock size loses contact with ISW during fucking, though oversized dildo’s may still reach and compress ISW (‘stuffing’)

TUBE - Slit is narrow and stubborn, and needs forceful entry. Maintains solid grip of penetrator. May cause entry problems for (partly) flaccid penetrators.

CONE - initial slit size is wide, but quickly decreases on deeper penetration. Can have a firm grip ofcockhead while lower shaft barely affected.

<< The professor has to interrupt her speech for a few minutes, to allow her audience a standing ovation of her presentation>>

"Possibly these categories aren’t complete like this, and there may be a need to add extra qualifications, and we have only just started compiling the list of attributes we want to register. Several years may pass before the SCRAP (Standardized Catalogue Registration Attribute Profile) is developed far enough to start the actual registration, there is hard work to be done to compile it. But today, I just want to show you such a vision of the future: where every girl is accessible and available to the man who wants her most.

"I thank you for your attention, and for your continuous support for the further development and success of UNCAT!"

<<More applause, cheering>>