Turn the tables

“Wicked plan, when do we start?” you ask with a sick grin, staring covetously at the bound heroine.

“No time like the present,” Ms. Cale says with a Cheshire Cat smile, clearly thinking she’s won and you’re an idiot who doesn’t think through the consequences of your actions. (Let’s be honest, based on your history that’s not an unfair assumption.) She signals the mousy tech, who pulls out a hypodermic needle. Wonder Woman screams furiously into her ball gag.

“Cool. Just gotta hit the john first,” you ask, looking around the lab. The tall redheaded tech points towards a hallway and you head that direction. Goon #1 does not follow you, staying protectively close to his meal ticket. As you turn into the short hallway, there’s Goon #2 standing in front of a heavy metal door, presumably the exit. You give him a cheerful wave, which he ignores and just glares at you.

You fumble around with the door to the men’s room for a moment, then turn to Goon #2 with an exasperated expression, “Is there a key at the register or what?” A brief flash of annoyance sneaks across his game face, and he walks towards you, slinging his rifle. As he reaches out to try the doorknob, you spray him in the face with the gas sprayer you had snagged off a desk once no one was watching you. His eyes fly open in surprise, and he tries to shout a warning, but this stuff was designed to take down a goddess and he’s asleep before he can make a sound.

You grab the big man before he can hit the floor, open the bathroom door (not actually locked!) and drag him inside. You dump him inside a stall, take his weapons, and tie him up with his own zipties. Then you hit a urinal because that part was not an act.

Once you’re done pissing, you head for the door. You debate bringing the rifle with you and shooting it out with Goon #1, but that leaves too much to chance; better to get up close and settle things that way. So you tuck the gas sprayer in one pocket and the guard’s stun gun in the other, and head back into the lab.

Everyone is grouped together around the exercise/**** contraption, which Goon #1 is lifting Diana out of. The tall redhead tech glances in your direction as you approach, but nobody else pays any attention to you. Even ****, they’re obviously more worried about the Amazon than they are about you, which is fair.

You walk up as casual as possible, hands in your pockets, only pulling out your weapons at the very last second. Mr. Goon gets sprayed in the face and drops as quickly as his buddy did, dropping Diana as well. With your other hand you taser Ms. Cale and her entire body clenches and locks up with the electrical charge. Redhead Tech is on the other side of the contraption and backs away in confusion like she’s not sure what’s happening. Mousey Tech surprises you by clocking you upside the head with her tablet, which hurts but not enough to knock you out or prevent you tasing her as well. Red decides to make a run for it and you move to get between her and the exit, but she’s not trying to make it to the door, she’s trying to reach a console, maybe to sound an alarm or something? You catch up with her right as she reaches the console but before she can hit any buttons, and the taser drops her too.

Turning around, you see Ms. Cale trying to get back on her feet – one tough broad! – but the gas sprayer puts her down for the count. You gas both techs to keep them down, and give Goonie another dose just to make sure, and suddenly you’re the only one in the lab standing.

“Yeah I got your unremarkable petty not-hero right here,” you tell no one in particular as you start moving bodies.