Turn entire existence into one big porno

Sophie: "Sounds like a plan."

For effect, you decide to delete PornHub from existence before proceeding. Humanity won't need any more artificial pornography.

The change doesn't at first seem to do much. Your house is still standing, birds are singing outside, and the talk show hosts are railing each others... Well there's your first sign that it worked.

You try other channels. On BBC News, the host is about twenty years younger than you remember, has a six pack, and is without a shirt. His two co-hostesses, one blonde and one pink-haired, neither of who can't possibly be older than 25, wear nothing but string bikinis. Both women have at least g-cups despite their otherwise petite frames. The blonde woman is giving the host a handjob, while the pink-haired one apparently fingers his butt, both smiling broadly as the host stumbles on his words constantly.

From the little you manage to gather from the news report, a tanker truck has fallen over and ruptured, spilling twenty tons of oil onto the site of a large-scale outdoors wrestling match. This accident occurred because the truck driver was too busy getting head. There's an interview of one of the arresting officers - a twety-something bombshell of a woman wearing a small blue jacket that reveals her midriff, a miniskirt, and sensually fondling a large black baton, apparently the only weapon that the police **** uses.

Officer: "When we like, arrived at the scene, the perp was still in the upturned cabin, gettin' sucked off. We tried our best, but we just couldn't remove the guy's grlfriend from his cock. Her mouth was so cock-hungry that even the three of us couldn't pull her off. So we like, arrested both of them."

The footage changes to the local jail, where the truck driver is still getting his dick sucked. Another female officer meanders next to the jail door, twirling her baton around.

You change to the cooking channel. Oh, nevermind, it's actually called the cocking channel. Apparently this is now the correct spelling of the word.

The host is an almost seven-foot man in his early thirties with an enormous johnson. This is apparent, and it hangs well below the far-too-small chef's apron, the only clothing article he's wearing. Apparently he's making soup.

Chef: "That's all the vegetables. Now the important thing with soup is, you gotta remember to add the broth cubes well in advance. I've had soup where the cubes didn't melt good, and lemme tell you: it was rancid! Three is enough for this amount - if you're making it home alone you can just use one or two."

The host takes out a packet of Viagra and pops three pills into the broth.

Chef: "We also want a bit of milk to... to really sell that coconut. We've got our lovely assistant for that: Brenda, will you step up? Everyone give a round of applause for Brenda!"

A woman gleefully walks up to the stage amidst a half-hearted applause. It sounds like most of the live audience members are too preoccupied with fornicating to applaud. Brenda is a brunette woman of five foot four stature, and both of her boobs are the size of gym balls. Amazingly, they don't seem to sag, despite her wearing nothing but a feathery apron which isn't even tied.

Chef: "So Brenda, how've you been today?"

Brenda: "Great, Cris! I just got back from getting my boobs pumped, so they're back at a manageable size now."

Chef: "I noticed you're a little on the flat side today, yea. Hope you're ready to supply us a little of your juices."

Brenda: "Can do!"

Chef: "Now, the recipe calls for a tenth of a gallon of milk, but it doesn't matter if we overspill a lil'."

Brenda: "Comin' right up!"

Brenda begins massaging her breasts. 'Massage' might be an overstatement, she can't reach her arms around the front - only barely tickling the edges of her areolas. Nevertheless, streams of white begin to trickle down from her teats almost immediately. The host laboriously lugs Brenda over his now-erect cock, and begins pumping her. She moans exaggeratedly with every thrust, her breasts now shooting milk like water guns. As she cums, her teats spray like two firehoses with too much spread, toppling the pot of soup from the stove and apparently knocking out the camera guy.

Sophie: "Lmao, everyone's a sexxed up dumbass! I'm loving this."