Trip, Get up

Blink*

"You al---"

Blink*

"No no I got--"

Blink*

It took me longer than I would like to admit to realize I was moving or that I wasn't in the club anymore.

When I turned my head to get the lay of the land I saw Sebastian over me, he was carrying me. "Seb?"

"Oh thank god, don't worry I'm taking you to the Doc, well to the urgent care anyways, I know you don't have health insurance, you'll be alright." He seemed worried, which made me worried, I can't believed I tripped, things were still a bit dazy.

"How bad did I..." I stopped myself, there was something wet on the side of my head, my hand came away with a bit of blood, "OH."

"Its not that bad, well at least I hope, one there was a med student in there that said you were probably fine, probably, watch your head."

He bent over and gently put me into the car, I didn't realize he was carrying me alone, thought it'd take at least two to move me. "I never knew he was that strong."

"Well it'd be pretty hard to pick up chicks, if I couldn't lift them."

It was a lame joke but I guess its what I needed as a chuckle escaped me. It was only a few moments later as he leaned over me to buckle me in that what I said out loud. I felt my cheeks heat up and I'm sure as He pulled back he saw me blushing.

The wink he sent my way did not help with my embarrassment but by the time he got in his seat he was all business and my cheeks had returned to their natural color.

"We'll make sure to have them give you a thorough once over."

It was nice he was worried for me but, "I can't really afford even an urgent care man, just take me back to the dorm."

"Nope, I'll cover it if I have to."

"Don't you dare."

"I dare, Come on It was my idea to have you up their."

"Yeah but you were trying to help me. Wouldn't feel right to make you pay."

"How about this, you let me pay and in return you stop this whole thing to win Alice."

"No happening, buddy." The daze was starting to clear and my stubbornness was rearing its head. Just in time to cost me a doc bill but there were principles on the line.

"You Stubborn ass, let me fix this."

We argued like this all the way to the closest Urgent Care until I about blew up.

"Theres nothing to fix, I'm fine and its not your fault!" I may have gotten louder than needed cause when he responded his voice was smaller than I'd ever heard it."

"Yes it is", It was a nice sentiment but guy really shouldn't feel this bad about it and should just take me home god damn it. "but if you are still so fucking set on learning to be a girl for her, let me take care of you like one."

By this point Seb was opening my door and helping me get out, "fine but don't have to like it."

"Good, besides you don't have to like it. Learn to fake it like most girls have to with you."

"Harsh dude, I sho- UGH!" My words are cut out as we both are alerted to my ankles protest at holding weight. I saw him dip and before I could muster a real complaint I was in the air again.

"Oh hush this is the type of thing you wanted, now hush and let someone treat you like a girl." He said in a almost harsh growl right next to my ear, it tickled a bit and I felt the briefest of butterflies.

In the Care office there was only us and the secretary. It wasn't long before we were seen and I had a wrapped ankle, and two bottles of meds with refills ready pickup when finished. While Seb had the bill.

"You know I expected more questions or any amount of teasing but they were very professional, just let me babble on about what happened and how I got here. Then gave me these and off we were." In the car and on the way back to the dorm I was in a much better place than just a little while ago.

"Well the doc would be, thats part of their job I guess, the chick up front was a different matter, had lots of questions and a couple of jokes."

"What did you tell her?"

"To mind her own business and to leave you alone."

"Oh."

"Yeah, but odd thing, I don't think she meant any of it, seemed happy when defended you. Though I was your boyfriend, wanted to see if I'd join in I guess. Maybe would have warned you"

"That's good, or at least better I guess. Explained why she told me I had a keeper." I didn't know what to say after that, this whole day had been weird.

There was a long pregnant silence until he finally broke it.

"You're not going to stop, are you?" that was a more remorse sound than I'd ever heard out of him.

"No, you should know that by now, I follow through, always." I say in my most resolute voice. Even as I trail off towards the end. "Can't back down have to keep moving forward."

I see the guilt building on his face and I think I know where this is going but I let him say his piece. "I need to apologize then, This has gone off the rails, I just wanted to push you and see if I could make you see reason."

"Why man, would have been easier to not do anything and if you were right I would have just crashed and burned?!"

"You don't get it do you? Being a girl isn't just something you can pull on to trick a girl into liking you." his voice was starting to raise too.

"I'm not 'tricking a girl'! I'm wanting to change for her!"

"By being something you're not! You don't change something fundamental like that for someone else, you do it for yourself! Faking that is going to be hell for you and you don't seem to care or even understand!"

"We spend our whole LIFE changing for others, we do it for our teacher, our parents, and our bosses! Why is doing it for Alice different!"

"Well for one, SHE never asked you to change you jackass!"

"Not with words, but obviously she wants anyone she dates to be a chick so that's what I'll be!"

"So what, on the off chance you can change everything about you and make her fall in love with you, you'll just what 'be trans' in the hopes she does?"

"I mean yeah, Trans people are real and I could totally be trans. I've changed lots of things to gain the approval of those around me that matter most, I can do it again."

"Not like this, you would be doing to yourself the thing trans people fight so hard to run away from, it will be hell!"

"And how do you know how it will be, so quick to tell me to not try, to give up. Cause you think I can't handle it?!"

"Because I'm trans you unobservant jackass!"

"What?! But you look like a guy, why haven't you starting working on it?"

"I'm a trans-man, Female-to-Male if that's how you need to think about it." He seemed to have wrangled his temper, better at it than me.

My bewilderment is what got me fully back down to normal volume. "You can do that?"

I think it was my earnest tone that was the only reason he didn't hit me.

"Yes, we can." several stop signs later, white knuckling the wheel the whole time, he spoke again. "Why can't you just be happy to be her friend and see her date someone else and move on yourself."

Clearly seeing the end of that part of the convo for what it was, "I can, just can't if I haven't given it a solid effort, If after everything she still doesn't like me like that I'll accept it, hell I was ready to accept it after this last time, until I figured out the main issues was changing the wrong things. I just hope that by then I've not fucked things up too bad with her to not get to be her friend again."

"IF you really want that, and good help me for helping, you should really put in a show of moving on, go on a date or two with other people. Hell do that while you work on this in the background if you must. But seriously if she sees you still pining for her she is going to cut contact with you."

"Again why help me, It would be easier to let me crash and burn?"

"Cause she actually does miss what you used to have, and I'm hoping while fixing things with her and dating other people you'll find a way to move on with out going through with all this before something un-reverseable happens."

"Can't win if you aren't willing to bet anything or spend yourself fully to work towards it. You do have a point tho, I can go on a few dates. Doubt it will change how I feel but don't like I'm upsetting her by not at least trying to move on."

"Was that another movie quote?" The tension seemed to be leaving now I had 'seen reason'.

"No, game."

"Of course, so I know this gal, cute as a button, dosn't want anything serious just looking for a few dates to get back into the dating pool post break up. I can get you the first date, if you want more don't screw it up and don't try to make it more than something casual, ya know?"

"Nah, Pass."

"But you just said-" that anger was building up when I cut him off.

"I did, and I will, but I don't want some random girl, I want to date you."

"What the fuck dude."

"I want to work on both goals remember? And I have to say the closest I've ever been treated to a girl is when you were carrying me."

"Really that's what- you really-.... you know what fine. You win."

"Good because-"

" I'm not finished, I never have understood shit about what goes on in your brain and that hasn't changed. But if you want to be my girlfriend it will be for real. Dosn't have to be serious, but it does have to be real."

"A real man stands by his convictions and refuses to stop until lessons are learned the hard way, That's why I still need you to make me a woman."

"Well from now on you won't be a 'MAN'."

"Why not, If I date you as a guy while working on being a chick like we have been, it will show Alice I'm cool with gay people and she can trust me enough to tell me she is a lesbian finally."

"Well for one, I'm not gay. Also she knows I'm trans masc, seeing you date me will clue her in that you're not a bigot. So if you really want to do this you'll have to commit."

"But...Fuck that makes too much sense."

"It really worries me that something I said made sense to you without comment, but I'll take, I'll also take these."

"What, why? eep!" He's made it over to my door and started to pick me up already when he grabs the meds I was given.

"Cause I remember when you got this this year and for got to take the meds. I'll make sure you take what your supposed to for as long as you're supposed to. Also I'm enjoying getting to do boyfriend type stuff, new type of euphoria I tell ya."

On the way to the Dorm you both bicker good naturedly, somewhere along the way you had relaxed fully into him. 'This is nice, isn't it?'