Time with Ambra

“Alex.”

“Yes, Ambra, let’s go to your room. I feel more... peaceful there. Don’t you?”

“Alex, I feel safe, peaceful... everything with you, no matter where you are.”

“Good, Ambra, to let me into your room for our conversation...”

“We need to talk.”

“Yes, let me sit first... Ah... that’s better... long walk...”

Ambra was indeed confused, stressed, even on the point of running, but then had no wish to do so.

“Ambra. Whatever you say, I will not stop loving you. So, if you want, please sit next to me. It feels like you are going to burst in flames any moment now. Now, we don’t want that, do we?” I smiled at her, warm and patient.

“Can I hug you, while I talk?”

“Of course you can, Ambra. You don’t need my say-so anymore to hug me.”

So, just like yesterday evening she lay next to me, except warmer dressed. Her heart, I felt it going fast, so I let her calm down a bit and waited for her to start.

“Alex. I love you.”

“And I love you too.”

“Alex, I don’t know how to love.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Huh?”

“Ambra, you know perfectly how to love, how to love me. You hugged me when you saw I was in stress, from the first time you hugged me up to the weeks we were training the Birds. I did the same, when I saw you were in stress, and you let me. You gave me spontaneous gifts, like the flowers. You know exactly how to love me. You asked every time for permission to hug me, to give me a kiss on the cheek, to come closer, to talk about certain problems. You feel with me, you know how not to overwhelm me. You did great work with the Younglings, with the Birds, you were compassionate, reasonable and yet commanding enough to teach them whatever we taught you. You cared for them, like we cared for you. You love me, Ambra, but you also care for me, and I know you will protect me. So all the things my tree needs.”

“Hmm...”

She was silent for a while after that. I knew she was thinking over my words. But they were true in every sense. Time for her next problem...

“Alex. I want to be with you, in a relationship.”

“Ambra, I want that too.”

“Alex, I don’t know to be with you, how to be in a relationship.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Huh?”

“It’s the same as before. We already are in a relationship, Ambra, we just haven’t told ourselves and the others yet. We love each other, we respect each other, we care and protect each other. We feel with each other. There is not much more to it.”

“There is sex.”

“It is a choice every moment, for both of us: to have sex or to not have sex. But the relationship will stay.”

“Hmm... Alex, I don’t know how to have good sex.”

“Sex is the same as with love: it is a gift we give each other. We protect each other, we care and respect each other while we love each other. What you learned from your dead masters is wrong. You know that now. It was bad, evil sex. You may know the techniques to please a man, but you don’t know how to experience it as a gift to you. It will be love you experience. You may come or not come, but it is feeling love that is the most important.”

“Alex, I want to have to good sex with you.”

“So do I, Ambra, but we are not ready for good sex yet, together. We need to build up towards it. It must go slow. Leave by leave.”

“Yes... For both of our trees.”

“Yes, Ambra. If our trees get to much water all at once, our roots will die.”

“Yes... true.”

“Alex, may I kiss you?”

“Yes, Ambra.”

It was the softest kiss ever, a mere brushing of our lips together, held on long, but so gentle, so tender. She had closed her eyes, I had closed mine. She broke off the kiss, she felt she was crying.

“I cry, because I am happy...”

And then she hugged me, held me close to her as I held her close to me. There were no words left in her, nor in me, as I felt so loved by her, as I felt so special for her, having received her first kiss out of love.

Not so difficult after all...