Through a Glass, Milkily

It's quite dark by the time Jenny finally drops you and Rhys off at your house, and you know what? Fuck Heart of Darkness. You are tired, you have had a long day, a bat-witch came dangerously close to peeing on you, a hot-ass punk siren is trying to break up your relationship and if those Dutch bastards want their ivory so goddamn bad, they can read their fucking book themselves. You're just gonna Wiki that shit and hope you can fade getting called on. All you want to do for now is go to bed.

...Though your ringing phone might be a sign that you won't be getting your wish. You're fully prepared to just unload on whoever could have the gall to want to speak to you right now, only to blink as you realize the call is from your mother. Well...fine, shit. You probably aren't going to chew out your mother. You quietly motion for Rhys to go ahead as you answer the call, hanging back to wander around the side of your house. "Hey, Mom?"

"Hey Ash! I've missed you; how's everything?"

Jesus, that's a tough one right out of the gate. Better deflect. "It's going about as well as it could, considering it's just me and Jessie here."

Your mother makes a reproachful noise. "Ash, you should try a little to be closer with your cousin. Friends and family are all we've got in the end, you know."

Woof. You keep forgetting that while your mother shared your deep disdain for Boy Jesse, she has a soft spot for Girl Jessie. Probably because she's the egregious kiss-ass ever. If Jesse had anything resembling a redeeming quality, it was that he was entirely upfront about who he was at all times. Jessie is fucking sneaky. "Mom, can we please not talk about Jessie right now? How're your meetings going?"

Your mother's tone on the other end is airy and conversational, though you can tell she's very pleased with herself. "Oh, they're moving along. Nothing's cemented yet, but I'm pretty confident we'll be sealing a deal by the end of this week."

"Mom~! That's so awesome!" Your mother's been trying to get this horror anthology series off the ground for years now, and you're so electrified by the prospect that you don't have time to consider how weird it is to feel years of anticipation for something that didn't exist a month ago. Reality changing: it's a real brain screw. "I'm so excited for you!"

A touch of **** fizzles into your mother's voice. "Yeah, me too. Though...I would have to be away a lot more, obviously. I'd miss a big chunk of your senior year, and then you'll be off to college, and I'll..." She trails off for a moment, eventually offering a wan chuckle. "You know, if Me from twenty years ago heard Me right now reconsidering a project because I was lonely, she'd have probably screamed herself to ****."

"Mom, you know how I feel about this. You should start dating again."

"Ash..."

"Mom, seriously. You're like the hottest woman in the world, and I can find about five dozen lazy Top Ten slideshows to prove it."

Your mother laughs more warmly at that. "Yes, obviously. I am very attractive." She sighs wistfully. "I don't know. I'll think about it? Maybe not so close to the anniversary, though."

Oh right, yet another Reality Change Brain Screw. You keep forgetting that in your new existence, your father died in a motorcycle slash fireworks factory explosion. Madness. "Well just keep an open mind, okay? You're Mallory Goddamn Price, you're still in your prime, and the best is yet to come. Do you hear me?"

"Well how about this: I'll keep an open mind, and you'll do the same about your cousin Jessie. Deal?"

This fucking monster. "Blaaaaah fine. I will walk around to the pool house right now and say good night without swearing once. But if there's some hot grip on set and you want to make eyes at him, you have to make eyes at him. Okay?"

"Okay. Love you, Ash."

"Love you too, Mom."

Blaaaaaaaaah. Guess you'd better get this over with. Mom'd fucking know somehow if you didn't swing by and shotgun out a greeting to Jessie. You have a brief flash of hope that she might be asleep already, only for the taste of optimism to turn bitter and rancid on your tongue as the pool house comes into view. Huh. The lights are all on, and she's got music blaring. Does she have someone in there? She's never brought a boy home to screw during a weeknight before, but that would be another perfect excuse to avoid talking to her. So hooray for casual sexuality! Though the lack of a car parked haphazardly on your lawn would seem to suggest otherwise. Hm. Better check this out.

You carefully pick your way up to the side of the pool house, quietly peeping through the window to see what's going on. Well, it's not a boy. It seems like at some point Jessie must have crossed paths with a thoroughly blazed Donna, because there they are sprawled out on the couch. Your cousin clearly joined in on the action as well, cackling wildly as a song in what sounds like Korean blasts and Donna attempts to milk Jessie from across the room and into a series of empty containers. The elf queen has her arms wrapped around your cousin's back, Jessie's overripe breasts wobbling precariously in Donna's nearly outmatched arms as she bites her tongue in a show of stoner concentration and grips the other girl's fat teats. With every pulling squeeze Jessie's manic laughter melts into a mooing groan of pleasure, an arc of creamy alabaster sailing across the room to splatter in a vague approximation of wherever the elf had been aiming.

She's managed to get at least a bit into the flower pot, though she's splatted all three of the glasses clean off their table. To your deep surprise, they've filled up the empty Fanta all the way to the top. You're not even mad; that's fucking impressive.

Still, you made a promise and you're gonna keep it. You make your way to the door and enter as unobtrusively as you can manage, trying to decide on the best way to address this. It winds up being moot, however, because Donna lets out a loud gasp at your entrance and immediately raises her voice over the loud music. "Ash! Hey girl!"

Jessie dazedly echoes, her greeting sliding into a moan as Donna squishes another splurt of milk from her boobs. Clearly the pot has pushed her at least partway into her docile cow state. "Hey Ashleeeeee~!"

"Uh, yeah. Hey."

Donna pops up from the couch, leaving Jessie to absentmindedly stroke her heavy tits. "I've been getting so caught up with modern times! And it's all thanks to ****! Thanks, ****!" The elf queen takes a celebratory spin and nearly falls over, giving you a bleary-eyed grin when you step forward to steady her wobbly legs. "Haha, thanks!"

"Jesus Donna, you need to drink something."

"Oh, I've been drinking lots!" She meaningfully jerks a thumb at your cousin, who's fished a portable milker from her couch cushions and giving herself a steadier milking. "Though I think that's sorta been an issue?" She titters. "I think maybe your Milky Lady Magic Club milk is kinda alcoholic to elves. 'Cause Spoiler Alert: I'm hammered."

As absurd as this all is, you can't help giving Donna a rueful grin. "I take my eyes off you for one afternoon and you turn into, like, five Afterschool Specials all at once."

Donna giggles again. "I know, right? Don't tell Rhys." She gives herself a shake, doing her best to focus on you through red-streaked eyes. "But seriously though, it's totally helped! It's like my brain has been opened up and I just, like, dumped in all the awesome stuff we'd missed out on. Like, I only listen to K-Pop now!"

"Is that what this is?"

The elf queen nods enthusiastically, bobbing her head to the music. "Yeah! Soojin is my bias, but I stan Soyeon so hard. Like, I'm a queen? But she is my fucking Queen!"

You don't really listen to music that was written in your lifetime, and now an elf is making you feel out of touch. "Oh. That's...cool. Very cool, Donna!"

"Right?!"

Jessie drowsily mumbles from where she's sprawled out on the couch, the milker pumping away at her productive chest steadily lulling her to sleep. "Iss so cool..."

You can't help a little frown, shooting Donna a bit of side eye. "And...you've been hanging out with Jessie, huh."

The elf nods cheerily. "Oh yeah, we're buddies! We had frozen yogurt. It was too cold. It was a bad decision and we're friends now."

Aw, Donna. No. Please don't. "Yeah, let's hold off on that thought until you've slept off all the weed and intoxicating milk. In the meantime, I've got a promise to keep." Donna 'oooo's in appreciation at that as you solemnly march over to the couch, Jessie sleepily raising an eye to glance your way as you peer down at her. "Jessie. Good night." She half mumbles something that devolves into a snore, which as far as you're concerned is the perfect response. A moment later you've left the pool house behind, a suddenly introspective Donna in tow. Something's up with her. "What is it, Donna?"

The still somewhat stoned elf gathers her thoughts for a moment. "Ash, are you mad at your cousin?"

You furrow your brow at that. "What?"

"I mean, you act like you hate her."

"Oh, well that's because I hate her. We hate each other. If you have any other mysteries as easy as that one, we can crack them all out right now."

Donna frowns at that. "I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate you." She holds up a hand before you can protest. "I mean yeah, she doesn't like you. She made that super duper clear. And it's pretty obvious she's jealous of you. But hate?"

You sigh in annoyance. "Look, when I say 'hate' I don't mean, like, I want her dead or anything. Maybe it's exaggerating how I feel a little. But you can see past the changes my magic made, can't you?" Donna nods, and you gesture meaningfully towards the pool house. "Then you saw what she put me through! And my mom! That's who Jessie is. Are you saying I should just...forget all of that?"

Donna blinks at you for a moment. "...Ash, I think you might be misunderstanding what precisely you've done here."

That doesn't sound promising. "What do you mean?"

The elf girl seems to be making an effort to gather her thoughts. "Look, this is going to sound like it's the weed talking, but just trust me when I say it's only a little the weed talking and try to follow along. Okay?" You nod reluctantly, and Donna continues. "Okay. Whew. Let's see. Um, so, I'm guessing you think of Jessie like she's your cousin Jesse, transformed into a girl. Right?"

"Well, yes...because she is, right?"

Donna shakes her head. "In, like, every sense that matters, no. She is not. Think about it: unless Jesse was carting around some seriously hidden dysphoria, if he was still there trapped inside Jessie he'd be super unhappy and uneasy. Right?"

You're not certain you follow what Donna's getting at. "I mean, the magic changed reality though. Jessie doesn't think she should be a boy because her history was changed. But she's still the same shitty person inside, right?"

"You're kinda getting it and kinda not. Ugh this is hard to explain. Lemme try another angle. Do you think Jesse was a bad person as, like, a teeny tiny little baby?"

"What? No."

"So at some point after that, then? Some combination of environment, life experiences and probably significant personal weakness made him who he was?"

You're starting to get annoyed by this. "Well obviously, Donna. That's how life works. How we're shaped by and react to the events of our lives make us who we are."

Donna pokes a finger into your shoulder. "And what I'm telling you is that what you've done here is essentially rewind Jesse to a baby, swap him to Jessie, and then start her whole life up fresh. She's got the same environment, and probably most of the same parts, but even if being a girl was the only difference, which is isn't, it would be impossible for her not to have a different life."

Okay, it's all starting to fall into place. "...Huh."

"Yeah. Huh." Donna gives you another poke in the shoulder. "I'm just sayin', Ash. You're still hung up on how Jesse treated you? And with good reason! He seems like he was a super bad dude. But you effectively wiped that guy out of existence. He's not around any more. And just because Jessie's in the slot he used to fill doesn't mean she's as bad as he was." The girl shrugs imperiously, looking regal enough in this moment that you can almost forget how wasted she is. "You don't have to be best friends or anything. I mean, I think she's fun? But I still know she kinda sucks right now. But I think if you're willing to work on it, you both might surprise yourselves. Friends and family are all we've got in the end, you know."

You have to huff at that, folding your arms in a mild pique. When your mother and the Queen of the Goddamned Elves offer up the same word for word sentiment, you guess you'd better pay attention to what the universe is sending your way. "Okay. Fine. I'll...try. But right now you need to drink like a quart of water and then go to sleep."

"Counter offer, I need to play you like ten Blackpink songs so I can explain to you which groups I think are better than them."

"No, I've...I've got to read Heart of Darkness. Those Dutch bastards, they want that ivory so bad!" Donna has already grabbed you by the arm and is somehow pulling you up the stairs. "I mean, I need to go and make up with Jessie! We're beloved cousins and we've been estranged for too long! The cycle of hate ends tonight!"

It's too late. Donna has trapped you in your own room, and she's already split a pair of earbuds between you. You cannot escape your fate.

The horror! The horror!