Things Get Worse

We all crammed in through the tight passageway (for once not a euphemism) following Vanir. The masked demon seemed tenser than I’d ever seen him before. A serious and driven motion in his steps as he led us silently through the twisting turns of this stone labyrinth.

I couldn’t help but ask, “Is this the dungeon you always wanted?”

“This space? Yes.” He replied without missing a beat, “But it needs more work before Moi releases it to the public.”

I could hear Kazuma hum his disapproval behind me, “...the public that will then try to kill you.”

“Details, details.” Vanir casually shrugged off, arriving at a crossroads and moving down a flight of stairs almost quicker than I could follow him, “Moi could have had it all ready months ago, but sometimes when you get everything you want too easily it sucks the fun out of getting it.” His head finally turned to us to flash me a knowing look, “Though Moi knows that’s not the case for everyone.”

I blushed, feeling a pang of guilt at my life decisions, but also, “I don’t regret it. Any of it.” I admitted. It seemed to appease Vanir, turning back to guide us. I still had one hushed voiced question, “Vanir… can’t we just use the earrings? Make it… normal that a walking castle crumbles apart really easy?”

“What is she whispering about?” Asked Musume from the back, struggling the most to squish through the gaps.

Vanir suddenly stopped in his tracks, “Normally, the four behind you will not care what happens in the next minute.”

“Wha-?”

Then Vanir slapped me in the face.

“Don’t you THINK that if it was that EASY, Moi would have SOLVED it already?!” He yelled at me, eyes glowing bright red in laser filled rage, “The Demon King’s Castle has an anti-magic barrier. All magic. Including normalities. Now, Moi needs you to get your little playthings to listen properly so we can all get through this alive.”

“Oh…”

I was trying really really hard not to moan after being slapped.

The others had all been staring into space while Vanir huffed at me. Their minds drifting back to reality, “What happened with your face?” Asked Megumin.

“...I was naughty…”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Who cares.” growled Musume, her naked form taking a mighty leap over the queue of us to get closer to the leader. Her feet landing heavily in front of him in the small corridor, “Tell us why we are here, Vanir.”

She’d apparently stopped him right in front of where he had wanted us to go anyway. Vanir’s confidence to ignore the Demon King’s Daughter and start pressing secret tiles on the wall was mind boggling. Her breath leaking flames of rage the longer he didn’t respond.

Just before he finished opening the supposed secret passage, he turned back to Musume.

“Moi needs you to stay calm.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck you. I am calm.”

“Remain calm.”

Her teeth snarled, her face brought close to his mask to threaten, “I. Will.”

After a pause, Vanir refused to even blink, “Moi can see the future, and Moi can tell-”

“Gah! This is why I always loathed you.” Musume yelled, throwing her hands up in frustration to pace back and forth in front of him, “Your dumbass future sight doesn’t make you smarter than everyone else! And being cryptic just makes you a nuisance. I demand you tell us why you teleported us here, lest face my wrath!”

Vanir took another beat. Maybe scanning the future, maybe he was actually nervous. But after a few seconds he finally gave her an answer.

“...your father’s castle has returned. It’s sitting right outside the capitol, spewing monsters and ex-”

SLAM

Vanir didn’t get to finish his thought, as his entire body had been grabbed by Musume’s sudden increased size hand, then slammed into the floor.

“YOU DARE HIDE THIS FROM ME?!”

SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM

Her attacks were vicious and relentless. Her hand breaking the rocks around us with ease, crashing Vanir’s body into every wall she could reach. I couldn’t even see him anymore. Rubble and rocks crashed down around us as the others once more used my body as a wall.

With one final attack, Musume crashed his body into the stony ground and then unleashed a brutal fire breath attack upon where he lay. It burned brighter than even one of Megumin’s explosions, creating a deep crater from the near beam of flame erupting from her gullet.

"Musume!" I called out, trying to return her to us, but to no avail.

Wild eyes glared at me only briefly once the battle was over. Anger, betrayal, and a deep longing seemed to overwrite all thought in Musume’s mind.

I feared for only a moment before she began scrambling up the stone wall. Unable to flap her wings in the narrow space, Musume just climbed upwards, not letting stone or walls get in her way as she let another beam of fire out above her to escape the dungeon.

I couldn’t see what happened next, but the beam of sunlight followed by the flapping of wings told me enough.

This was moments before the damage to the cave became too great, with a mighty rockfall collapsing the road ahead and behind us. Nearly crushing us too, had luck not been on our side.

Though that statement is arguable. Kazuma quickly lit a flame spell in his hand, but it was clear that we were beyond trapped. Rocks blocked our walkways in and out. Whatever was even left of Vanir’s body was buried under rubble. And we had no idea where this dungeon even was, or if we could escape it.

Kazuma broke the silence with the one question on all of our minds.

“...uhm… what do we do now?”

---

“RUNE OF SABER!”

The magical sword Gram swung into the closest dozen enemies, slicing their bodies through gullets and bellies with not a shred of mercy. While the metal blade would usually dine happily on the blood of its enemies, it would go hungry today. No wounds or gore appeared before the knight Mitsurugi as the monsters before him disappeared into purple clouds of smoke.

It was little comfort though. They may not have left bodies, but the sheer volume of monsters was becoming sisyphean. No matter how many Mitsurugi struck down, several more would take their place.

Thankfully, he wasn’t alone. In the open fields just beyond the southern gate he stood. Where once lush with wild grass now trampled into muck and mud by their unending enemies, he stood. His boots were planted between the spiked crisscross barricades erected hastily overnight–thick timber beams locked together into X-shaped traps to slow down cavalry charges and trip incoming beasts. Behind him, rows of foot soldiers, spellcasters, and shield-bearers readied themselves. Adventurers of all ilk had been called for this day, to fight for the future. Their formation rippled like a wall of iron and cloth, hearts pounding in time with the thunder in the distance.

The Demon King’s castle–an impossible, grotesque thing–crawled toward them like a nightmare on legs. What remained of its gothic towers loomed crookedly against the sky, partially collapsed but stitched together by black, sinewy magic. Beneath it, the cracked body of the Destroyer–the legendary mechanical spider–dragged it onward with maddened jerks of its giant legs, gouging deep trenches in the earth. The ground itself shuddered with every footfall, and the wind carried the smell of sulfur, charred stone, and unnatural rot.

From within the lumbering fortress, wave after wave of monsters spilled forth. Orcs, goblins, zombies, wyverns, stitched chimeras, and things without names. All spawning endlessly from summoning circles inside the walking castle. Hundreds of monsters still scattered the battlefield in front of them. Each death only made room for more to appear, conjured in flashes of purple light before charging straight into the defenders’ lines. Worst of all was the shimmering dome of violet magic that encased the castle itself: a barrier that repelled all siege spells, arrows, and cannon fire, mocking their every effort to strike back.

But they were making their stand. Until the King and his advisors could figure out a way to stop the castle itself, the evil army had to hold their attention. A single beast breaking through the line to kill an evacuating civilian was unacceptable. Mitsurugi knew they had to keep the fighting here. Focused.

He was the hero of this story. The man that Belzerg needed most today.

Although this spiky haired guy fighting next to him was giving Mitsurugi a run for his money.

“Hurah!” yelled Cloud, sending a blast of green energy at a group of enemies. The beam splitting apart upon impact, looking like some sort of wind magic that slashed repeatedly at the monsters. It was hard to tell who had just killed more monsters in a single blow between Cloud and Mitsurugi, but it didn’t seem like the sour faced Cloud cared even slightly.

His companions were far more bright and cheery, the busty female and the axe handed man slapping his back lightly, “Nice job, kid!”

“You’re doing so well!” beamed the brawler.

“Do you need any healing?” asked the flower girl.

“Leave some for the rest of us!” The fighter girl grinned.

It was all a little annoying to Mitsurugi.

He was a hero, a brave knight, yet he… didn’t really have a party anymore. Cremea and Fio were still technically part of his party, but he’d been feeling them pull away more and more recently. Giggling behind his back, not coming back at night, asking a lot of questions about Satou Kazuma. They were still around–currently they were helping Iris with the evacuation–but their praise was surely missed. Which made this ‘Cloud’ grate on his nerves.

Even with all the praise, Cloud just groaned, “Mng…”

“Your allies complement you, yet you respond like that?” huffed Mitsurugi, stretching out his chest after sending another attack to their foes, “A hero must be humble, but still accept praise when it is given. You connect the hearts of many with your actions, so stand tall against a foe like this!”

The group that was with him just looked confused. Mostly wondering who this guy was and why he was being sassy to Cloud. Their friend didn’t really seem to care, instead he just pulled at his crotch and continued to groan.

“I just wanna be in a dress…”

That made Mitsurugi blink. “H-huh?”

“I’ve gotten so used to wearing them…” Cloud continued, pouting with a big sigh, “My balls feel so uncomfortable in these tight pants…”

The flower girl nodded in understanding, “Oh yeah, you haven’t been tugged off in a few hours now, huh? Kazuma’s balls must be aching like crazy.”

“K-Kazuma? Satou Kazuma?!” Mitsurugi gawped. There was no escaping that fool these days.

“That’s okay, Cloud! When we get a rest, we can get you in your favourite sundress, I’ll be sure to drain your balls a little!” beamed his muscular brawler friend.

“Okay…” sighed Cloud, once more sending an attack to the oncoming horde, killing more than Mitsurugi before pulling awkwardly at his pants again.

Mitsurugi felt like he wanted to go home.

Meanwhile, in the castle, the King was trying to ready an army he’d just been forced to dress.

Jeronim had never had an audience with such an eclectic group of women before. The group that had appeared from nowhere to land nakedly on his lawn now sat at his round war table. A succubus queen, a chimera, a napping giant goddess, multiple monsters, and a timid secretary who looked wildly out of her depth.

The reason they had appeared was unknown, having seemingly been saved by a mysterious force that teleported them from a destroyed mansion in Axel. If that wasn’t confusing enough, five of their members–including the Demon King’s Daughter–had not made the trip. If they were dead in that mansion or somewhere else in the entirety of Belzerg, no one knew. But with the walking castle outside they didn’t have the time to figure it out.

On any other day, this could be his enemy army, but thanks to one man he hoped to consider them… allies.

“No.”

All eyes turned to Xara. Her gaze was locked on the king with lethal stillness, her body language more warlike than any drawn blade.

Jeronim raised an eyebrow, keeping his voice measured. “May I ask why?”

“We are not your army, Human. We are–apparently–your breeding stock.” The queen retorted, making a show of shifting which leg draped over the other to ‘display’ her point, “For years your Harem Knights have hounded my people to join them with contracts and collars. That was when the regular knights weren’t hunting us down for sport. All while I tried to find peace.”

“Is it not mutually beneficial to increase humanity’s population? We are your food, after all.” Jeronim shot back, “If the Demon King wins today, Queen Xara, I can assure you that your people will suffer just as much as ours.”

“Do not speak to me of suffering, Human.” Xara snapped, snarling with a slam of her fist on the table, even while Sylvia tried to calm her down with touch and whispers. “You ask us to fight your wars, yet where were you in the Battle of Trentle? When an Incubus burned down three villages, you humans just declared it a ‘Demon Problem’ and left us to rot. Is this not a ‘Human Problem’? Hm?!”

Sylvia continued to comfort, though her eye did keep peeking around to see if the King felt the same rage. “Xara…”

Jeronim’s bearded jaw was tight. He didn’t have enough time to repair decades of damage while war raged on outside his home. Hope of this unlikely force rallying behind anyone other than Satou Kazuma was dwindling, yet he could still try.

“I apologise.” He looked over the faces of the women,

“I am sorry that I cannot repair the damage this war has done. As a King, I have fought more than I have governed, and perhaps that was wrong of me. Today, my Kingdom is on the literal brink of collapse, and I come to you in need of help I have not always provided others. It may be hypocritical, but if any of you choose to fight alongside a hypocritical king–even to just assist my daughter in evacuating the town–then I swear I will do whatever needs to be done once this day is done.”

The silence was heavy in the war room. To see a monarch hang his head in humility demanded a serious consideration of his words. Something that all in the room were doing, looking between each other for a few moments.

Bova stood first. Exhaling a large amount of air through her nostrils while flexing her minotaur muscles. “I will fight.” She nodded at the King, her honor demanding she keep her brave stare facing forwards, but her compassion leading her to look to her companions.

“I’ll help evacuate,” said Kerebryl. Flapping her way to perch on top of the table.

Lily hopped up next to her, “Me too, kero.”

“I’ll do what I can…” gulped Sena, still the most shaky on her feet and standing despite being out of her depth.

The zombie, the lamias, even the sleeping mind flayer. One by one they all took turns standing, ready to face the Demon King on the side they never thought would accept them. Only the three tallest women remained, with none budging for their own reasons. Divane was still sleeping, and Sylvia was waiting to see what Xara would do.

“...we are a Harem, first and foremost.” said Xara, looking almost pained to admit her reluctance after such a speech, “I am too worried about my husband’s disappearance to fight. Until I find him, you cannot rely upon me.”

Sylvia looked troubled. She perhaps felt differently about abandoning the humans to their fate. Yet defying Xara last time had made the love of her life so spiteful they hadn’t talked for decades. After a few minutes of tumultuous inner conflict, Xara solved her problems for her.

“I won’t judge any that wish to stand with the King today. Even you.”

“Xara…” Sylvia mumbled before she was graced with a kiss on her nose.

The King had already taken Xara’s word as final, expecting his gambit to have fallen just short of true success. “Then I pray you find Satou Kazuma soon. As for the rest of you-”

“I have an army,” said Sylvia, standing abruptly and knocking her chair down, “Kobolds, orcs… inform your men about their inclusion and I promise they will fight as if their mothers were on the line.”

“Excellent!” The King boomed in happiness, “We’ll send some troops to the forest post haste, and we should talk strategy…”

The room began peeling off from the meeting to go towards their various duties. Suiting up to fight, moving off to the evacuation point, or just

With the thundering feet all around her, Divane finally awoke from the floor.

She took her ball gag out before grabbing Kerebryl by the wing, “You. What’s happening? Where are we?”

“Um, w-were you not listening? We’re all about to go fight. The Demon King’s outside.”

Divane blinked, “Oh? OH?!” Eyes went wide, with a grin growing even bigger as she stood defiantly up from the floor. Her blonde head barely missing the ceiling, pumping her fists in triumph, “Hahahahaha! Finally he appears! It’s time to finally debut!”

---

Heaven was quiet.

Or it had been, until the echo of flapping wings broke the silence. The annoying sound growing louder and louder, paired with erractic and increasingly urgent calls of: “Lady Eris! Lady Eris!”

Compared to the divine stillness that reigned only moments before, Pit’s entrance was like a bat out of hell. Feathers fluttering, voice cracking with concern, he burst into the observation chamber like a rookie late to war.

But Eris didn’t react. Her back remained turned, her full attention pinned to the glowing orb hovering in front of her. Fingers moved in quick, deliberate swipes, shifting through scene after scene.

“Lady Eris?” Pit tried again, hesitating with a stiff salute. “You, uh… you called for me?”

“Hm?” She tilted her head in his direction without taking her eyes off the scrying orb. “Oh. Pit, right?”

“That’s me!” He dropped the salute, stepping closer with a worried glance at the shifting visions in front of Eris. Forests, towns, ocean cliffs, battlefields, even a close-up of someone sobbing into a drink, they all flashed on the orb as Eris stared on and on. “Everything alright?”

“I don’t think it is,” Eris murmured. Her voice was steady, but there was tension behind it. Something rigid. Wound tight like thread on a spindle. “No matter where I search,” she continued, swiping again, “I can’t find Darkness...”

Pit blinked. “O-oh. Um… is she–do you think she's... dead?”

“If she were, her soul would have appeared up here by now.” Eris frowned. “But she hasn’t. And yet… there’s no reason the orb shouldn’t be able to locate her.”

That admission landed heavier than silence. The orb cycled on. More scenery, more heroes, more mundane moments that meant nothing to either of them.

Pit leaned in, squinting. “Wait, wait, go back. Was that Lady Divane just now?”

Eris paused, reversed the feed, then stopped on an unmistakable figure.

It was, indeed, Divane. She wore ceremonial robes (for once), one hand held a saber, the other a shield. A self-assured smirk tugged at her lips as she strolled up to the capital’s front gate like she owned the place.

“What… is she doing?” Pit asked, wings twitching from the nerves.

Eris didn't know how to answer that. She only knew that something felt very wrong...

---

It all happened in the span of a few minutes.

The light of the morning sun had never shone so brightly. Those on the front lines heard the booming footsteps coming from behind them, fearing the worst before seeing her. She simply stepped over the front gate. Divane did not care enough about the humans to avoid them, letting the ants jump away from her steps on her approach.

She had a job to do, after all.

“There you are, Demon King! I feared it would be decades before you dared show your face, now that I was on this plane of existence!" Divane yelled, confidently strutting towards the nightmarish castle without a hint of fear. Without a response, she turned her attention to those that would listen: skyward, “Lesser Goddesses and Angels of Heaven! Witness your favourite Goddess at work! Mommy’s coming home soon, she just needs to take out the trash!”

Mitsurugi watched in awe. Another Goddess? He’d heard rumours, but to see this larger than life being fight for them was beyond words.

Divane was making it look easy. Her sandaled feet were more than enough to kick the monsters that tried to attack her away. Pillars of light came down without even a spell, burning huge swaths of the army to dust with barely a raised finger. Her power was immense, and was surely enough to at least rival the Demon King himself. Perhaps they had a chance?

The railgun above that had been sending erratic explosions against the King’s castle aimed itself towards Divane. She simply grinned, letting it ready its shot before unleashing its magic. A simple backhand with her shield reflected it back at the monstrous army, screeches of pain erupting around her while Divane never stopped strutting.

“Fear the name ‘Divane’ in your final moments, Demon King! I am the brightest object lying beyond the stars. The Goddess of Light and Love. Elected Leader of the InfinityNth district of Heaven. I hold more power in my pert breast than this tiny planet holds in its entirety.” She gloated, making sure to cup her boob at the castle to really taunt it, “While most days I am the idol to trillions, today I stand before you as this world’s protector. I must defeat you here and now if I am to ever collect my stuff from Heaven. Give up now, or face ultimate divine judgement.”

As intimidated as the army was, the castle, like her, did not stop moving forwards.

“Be that way. I can do things the hard way.”

Divane broke out into a charge. Grinding her sword along the ground to slice even more of the army on her way to attack.

Two more explosions were shot towards her, but with her speed she was easily able to dodge them. A grin on her face as she leapt towards the castle. Her skin glowing brighter and brighter, making it almost hard to look directly at her attack.

The jump could have leapt over the Crimson Demon village in a single bound. With a mighty crash, she stabbed her sword downwards. The pure white blade stabbing at the magic barrier, sending ripples cascading outwards from the point she attempted to pierce.

Those that could see through the burning light would see the first wound the barrier had ever received. The sword of Divane had managed to break through, just enough to let the tip poke at the brickwork beneath.

“Ha! Not so unbreakable now, are y-?!”

Fwp!

What Divane had failed to notice was the magical summoner that was perched on a spire near to where she’d stabbed.

The hooded monster had cast a single spell, shooting a black mass at Divane’s ‘perfect’ face. It spread immediately. Growing, morphing, covering her nose, then her cheeks, eyes, mouth.

Divane fell off the barrier, stumbling backwards. Sword still embedded in the barrier, while her hands clawed at the magic claiming her face. “What is-? Get off! GET OFF!” She screamed, blasting pure white magic at herself but to no avail.

Soon even her screams stopped.

Divane stood there. Head and shoulders drooped, wavering back and forth only by the wind.

None could see what happened to her face until she turned towards the kingdom.

The black mass had completely encompassed her face. Looking like a pure noir mask, with only two contrasting white slits for eyes. Angrily glaring at the humans.

All that saw her glare felt the same cold shiver run up their spines at once. Waiting with baited breath to see what this meant.

Mitsurugi gripped his sword tighter, “Don’t tell me…”

Xara, Sylvia, and Jeronim all watched from the castle. Jeronim gripped a railing tightly, “She can’t be…”

Eris could barely breathe, “No…”

The black masked Divane raised her hand. No speeches, no showboating, just a simple blessing to overtake the battlefield.

The monsters that had been held back before by the brave knight were all blessed with ultimate holy magic. Their muscles visibly growing, their size increasing twofold, as howls of rage suddenly encompassed the enemy army. All progress that Divane had made was undone in an instant, and hopes of victory were reduced to nothing almost immediately.

There was barely half a minute before those at the front lines were overrun.

All attacks that had killed the monsters before bounced off them with little effect. Only screams of pain could be heard as the charging monsters barreled through the adventurers.

“Hold the line!” Mitsurugi yelled in vain, managing to stay on his feet but only barely. “Fight! We have to protect the Princess in her escape!”

The King watched on in horror, instantly switching to battlestations, “Protect the citizens!” he barked to Sylvia and the monsters. Turning to Xara to order, “Go get whatever help you can!”

Sylvia watched as Xara flew off, looking like she wanted to fight herself, “But-”

“Do it! Protect my daughter!” He yelled, sword in hand, charging towards the oncoming horde to fight for humanity.

The vibe was similar up in Heaven.

“L-Lady Divane is evil?!” Pit panicked, running about in a frenzy, “What do we do?! We aren’t allowed to intervene, but that’s Lady Divane!”

Eris tightened her focus and pointed towards the door, “Go! Get Palutena and tell her that we have a Final Trumpet level disaster on our hands in Universe Belzerg!”

Pit was about to leave, but noticed that Eris was preparing something, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going down there to see what I can do as Chris… they’re going to need all the help they can get…