These Are the Homophobes in the Neighborhood

The intro slide features Seasame Street's Grover in the lower left corner. Next to him is a speech bubble that takes up the entire center of the slide. In the slide are the words "...these are the homophobes in the neighborhood..."

Kennedy sings the title card to the tune of "these are the people in the neighborhood."

"Our community is notoriously progressive," she begins. "When people from redder parts of the state need a bogeyman for all of their anxiety and xenophobia they often single our wonderful college town as the problem. Those folks rarely come to visit because they're terrified they'll see elitist college professors promoting CRT on the street corners and queer, diverse college students fornicating on the sidewalk. Oh, the horror!" She switches the slide to show a truck plastered with stickers and giant truck nuts hanging from the rear.

"We see trucks like this passing through town all the time. It isn't unusual these days. What is unusual is a truck like this showing up at this apartment complex. Our little complex is made up mostly of grad students, college employees, some undergrads, like Tabby and I, and a handful of professionals." She winks at Nicole. "I don't know every single person in this complex very well, but most I've spoken to have the correct politics." She stresses 'correct.' "And even the ones who I think might hang a little bit to the right? Well, I don't feel like they'd flinch if they caught any of us making out on the sidewalk." She winks to someone else in the audience.

Nicole shudders reading the stickers on the truck.

"It's important that we dissect the message the owner of this truck is trying to send." The next series of slides are close-ups of each sticker. Kennedy mockingly reviews each sticker as if they're classic literature. She points out that several are anti-LGBTQ even going as far as calling for 'straight rights.' She notes the person is clearly a Trump supporter with the "Let's Go Brandon" sticker emblazoned on the back. She goes on about how the person likely lacks empathy because they think "Fuck Your Feelings" is something worth announcing to the world. She adds that the person probably doesn't worry about people outside of his personal sphere because of the "Warning: May Contain ****" sticker suggesting they drive while intoxicated. She highlights the inherent misogyny in the "Female Body Inspector" and "Save a lollipop, suck a dick" stickers. She spends a full minute discussing the violent and genocidal rhetoric of "Spay and Neuter Liberals." Finally, she ends the bumper sticker discussion with a photo of Tabitha squatting next to the giant truck nuts with her tongue inches away as if she's going to lick it. Everyone laughs. Kennedy makes the obvious joke about overcompensating not only with the size of the truck but also the nuts.

"I'm not going to spend any time on the fact that this truck is parked in disabled parking. Although it doesn't have a placard hanging in the mirror I don't want to possibly shame someone for having an invisible illness. Anyway, so why did I spend so much time discussing what this person wants to say? Because this truck has started showing up in our parking lot this week."

the next slide zooms out making it clear that the truck is parked a few spots down from Nicole's window. She feels goosebumps as she realizes who might own that truck.

"Tabby took the first photo on Monday. We thought it was probably just a repairman, so we didn't think much of it. We had a good laugh. It was when I went for my morning run on Tuesday and saw it in the lot again that I realized he probably wasn't a repairman. Who has repairs done at 5 a.m.? There haven't been any new tenants, so he must be someone's guest. Super gross, right? Anyway, here's our hero of straight rights."

The next photo shows Huck getting into his truck. Nicole sinks down in her seat.

"We still didn't know who he was visiting. My next thought was that maybe he was someone's unfortunate Dad or Uncle. You know, can't be blamed for family. But, and if you don't want to be scarred for life look away before the next slide, Tabitha was coming home from class and noticed the truck was in the parking lot again. As she parked she noticed a man stripping in front of a window facing the lot. He went out of view before she could get her phone out. But being a good little spy, she waited and received this reward."

The next slide is Huck, in his birthday suit, standing on the couch taking up the entire window. Nicole wants to die. She doesn't know where this is going but she's sure it can't be good for her. So far Kennedy hadn't mentioned it was her apartment, but it was probably coming.

"Wow," one of the women sitting to Nicole's left says. "He actually does have a big sack. I mean, I haven't looked at that many, but those are pronounced. The truck nuts aren't much of an overcompensation."

The comment makes Nicole flashback to the first time she met Huck and licked those balls. If she was with different company she might have said "you should see them up close" but she wasn't interested in signing her own **** warrant. Kennedy had that well under control.

"Thank you for the color commentary, Shelby," Kennedy says rolling her eyes. "Anyway, it was clear to us at this point that this, um, gentleman, wasn't someone's Dad or Uncle or a repairman. He was a boyfriend or something to the occupant of that apartment."

Kennedy's eyes lock on Nicole. Liz and Janet shift away from her not wanting to be caught in the icy gaze. "Isn't that right, Nicole?"

Nicole shrinks down even farther. "He...he isn't my boyfriend. He's just a guy that...um..." her brain spins looking for a realistic lie. "He....he's just a guy from TaskRabbit who...who's been coming over and...um....building furniture for me. I, wow, I had no idea he was running around naked while I was upstairs working. I'll be sure to report him. Thanks for capturing that photo." She can feel an invisible rope tightening around her throat.