The truth.

Talia was pretty clearly undressing our friends with her eyes. I just nodded.

"What're you guys whispering about?" Stephanie cocked an eyebrow.

"Just talking about how hot you all are." Talia answered matter-of-factly.

I was a bit taken aback by her blunt answer. My heart started to pound. "Jeez, it's just... weird that you're all somehow single?"

This didn't diffuse the tension as much as I'd hoped. The girls broke into a chorus of good reasons why. "Too busy," "Men are pigs," and "I have a fucking kid, dumbass," finally, from Amy.

"I mean, things have been easier since Adam started school, but it has been fucking ages since I had a real date. Maybe I should just borrow Ian."

Corrine shot Amy an inquisitive look.

Amy finished, "You know, blow off some steam with somebody I trust."

"Why not both of us? We're a team now." Talia leaned forward and pressed her breasts together underneath her blouse. Amy leaned in toward her, pushed her lips out, and said "Oh yeah?" in mock arousal.

Elizabeth, totally scandalized, blushed hard. Stephanie reached an arm around her friend. "What do you think, Elizabeth?"

"Yeah, feeling a little curious?" Rachel teased. Elizabeth smiled and buried her face behind her long hair. "I didn't hear a 'no'!" Rachel leaned back in triumph.

Corrine cut in. "You guys are ridiculous. And you're totally ignoring the birthday boy. Somebody has to say it: Ian's totally hot at thirty."

"Twenty-nine."

"Twenty-nine, whatever. Your figure has filled out, and it fits your face better. I always knew that you'd turn into a cutie, and I was right! Have you been exercising, too?"

Talia pivoted back toward me and grabbed me around the waist. "We're on a solid exercise and dieting plan. He lifts weights and everything. This dude almost has a six-pack, no joke. You should see him with his shirt off."

"Show us!" Amy shouted.

"It's not a big deal." I felt pretty good about my progress, but this was still embarrassing.

All the girls (except Rachel) joined in a chant. "Take it off! Take it off!"

I had to fight off my wife, who managed to get my dress shirt untucked and a few buttons undone. "Why am I taking off clothes? It's my birthday."

Talia sat up straight and took command. "OK, fine. This is a nation of laws. Here are the rules. You trade your clothes for our clothes. And, since you're the birthday boy, you get to choose."

"But wait, that's not fair." Rachel interjected, "There's only one of him and five of you. He's gonna be naked before we-uh-he can get anywhere." Apparently, she wanted to see our friends strip as much as I did.

My wife had the answer, "why don't you join his team?"

Everyone straightened up in their chairs. Were we really doing this?

The girls crammed themselves together on the couch while Rachel and I took the chairs opposite.

"Let's get him naked!" Amy cried.