The next day

You ended up getting a room for the night at a motel nearby. The conditions there weren’t terrible, but it was certainly nothing to write home about. And, of course, you weren’t exactly in the type of mental state where you cared much for your surroundings. You’d finally called Katie out on her affair. Now, you laid down on the motel room’s bed and as you thought about what might happen to your marriage next, you cried for a while. Sleep would have been a mercy but it was hard to come by. You got a handle of booze from a convenience store nearby and got wasted. That helped you finally fall asleep.

In the morning you thought about what to do next. Stay away for a while? Find a friend that would take you in? You should probably start to look into getting some movers to make good on what you’d told Katie. You started to look some up on your phone. That’s when you got a text from Katie. “Dylan I really want to talk to you. Would that be alright?” She asked you. You stared at the message for a while, and then, feeling your dread growing, you switched back to looking at movers. Their rates and services. You’d read a paragraph and then realize you hadn’t really absorbed any of it. You begrudgingly pulled up your messages again. You tapped the text box and brought up the keyboard but just sat there for a while. Did you want to talk? It was all so raw. Your instinct had been to take some time by yourself to think. But Katie wanted to talk now. Was that a good or bad thing? You really weren’t sure. Your fingers seemed to move on their own, and before you knew it. you’d sent your reply.

You walked up to the city park. Lots of people were out today since it was a nice day. Groups were playing frisbee, having picnics, and walking their dogs. The sunny day and happy people all felt very far away to you. Like you were looking out at them from the window of some dark cave. You decided you probably looked awful. Sleep deprived, unshaven, and hung over. You decided you didn’t care. You walked to the agreed upon meeting point. A bench in an out of the way corner. You’d chosen a place where it would be easy to leave. No checks to settle or cars to start. You could just walk away. There on the bench, Katie was waiting. She wore a yellow sundress, and in contrast to you, she’d clearly put great effort into her hair and makeup. Even despite that, though, her eyes looked a little bloodshot, and she somehow looked simultaneously tired and on edge. Her hands were clasped together in her lap and she looked around tensely until she spotted you.

Her body stiffened and she stood up in front of you as you approached. She looked at you expectantly, but you didn’t say anything. So after a moment she did. “Hi Dylan.” She said. Her voice was quiet and tremulous. You blinked. You hadn’t known what to say on the way here, and you still didn’t now. “Hi.” You said simply, just looking at her. She turned towards the bench. “Do you want to sit down?” She asked, and you nodded. Your legs felt weak, being in front of her again. You both sat down. There was another moment of silence. She spoke again. “Dylan I am so sorry. I know you can never forgive me, so I won’t ask for that.” She said, and each word sounded like it was a strain for her to say. “I won’t ask you for anything. I just…” she struggled to go on, sounding more and more choked up. “I just want you to know that I love you. I swear that I do. I just… lost myself for a while. The things that matter. The type of life that I want. I got lost in… chasing excitement. I took you for granted.” She said, her eyes watering as she nodded along with her words. But then she turned and looked at you. “But I remember now. What you mean to me. What we mean.” She said, her voice sad and ****. It seemed like she was shaking. Maybe she was so frightened because you’d still said so little. “I don’t know if you even want me anymore. I mean, how could you?” She said, shaking her head and the tears started streaming down her face, ruining her makeup. “But if…” she had to pause for a moment as she’d started sobbing. “If you’re leaving, I still want to go with you. I love you. And I promised I’d always stay with you.” She said, bawling, and then having said her piece she gazed into your eyes again.

“Please don’t leave me.”

She begged, her voice quiet, looking smaller than she ever had. In that moment there was something childlike about her. Maybe it was just the raw emotion, or the way she was looking up at you with total deference. You’d listened to every word, but you still couldn’t find any words to say to her. Maybe there was nothing left to say. You stood up. She winced at this, eyes wide, and she looked up at you with a look of grief and total despair as you seemed to be leaving, your back to her. You knew that’s what you needed to do. She betrayed you. You should hate her. But there was something inside you that kept you standing there. Whether it was weakness or kindness that kept you from walking away, you didn’t know. But either way, you wordlessly turned towards her as she looked up at you. You slowly opened your arms to her, a weary and tired but somehow still gentle look on your face. Tears in your eyes. She threw herself at you, wrapping her arms around you and crying into your chest.

Time passed, as it does. They say that time heals all wounds. Maybe that’s true, or maybe it isn’t. But even if wounds heal, scars remain. When someone breaks your trust, it is hard for that relationship to ever return to normal. Furthermore, it is more difficult to love a child that you know is not your own. The baby turned out to be a girl who the two of you named Amy. There was a temptation in you to take out your hatred of your old enemy on Katie’s child, and to punish her for the way she’s betrayed you. Whenever the baby was difficult, or did something which reminded you of Brian, you felt that familiar upwelling of malice. It would’ve been easy to be guided by those hateful feelings. But you could also see how much joy starting a family brought Katie. And that same kind part of you that had found it in your heart to forgive her, enjoyed being a parent. Watching a child grow, and nurturing that growth.

One night you and Katie were putting Amy to bed. You tucked her in, and after a moment’s pause, you placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Katie watched this curiously but said nothing, not wanting to wake the baby. But when you got back to your bedroom, she looked up at you. “You really love her, don’t you?” She asked, looking at you curiously. The question caught you off guard, and you thought about it for a few moments, taking the question seriously. But then you made up your mind. “Yeah, I do.” You said, slowly nodding. She smiled and pressed herself against you, kissing you. “I’m glad.” She said, her voice soft and quiet. There were many things unspoken and yet understood in the momentary silence that followed. She traced a hand down your chest. “You know… if you like being a dad so much… we could always have a few more.” She teased as her hand reached the waistband of your pants. You smiled at her as your hands slid down her waist and seized hold of her ass. “I guess we’ll have to get to work then.” You told her.