The discovery

So in our fifth year of marriage, Jen and I decided to move. There was an amazing century home that needed a ton of work, but we both fancied ourselves HGTV stars. While working in the basement, I came across a patch in the concrete; it looked like it had been cut and patched. I was going to be knocking out that part of the wall anyway, so I carefully used my mason chisels to break away the concrete to see if there was anything behind the patch. Sure enough, there was a sealed waxed envelope that looked very old; in fact, without the waxed coating, I am positive this would have crumbled to dust otherwise.

Jen wasn't home, so I grabbed a pair of tweezers and slowly and carefully pulled out the piece of paper inside, not knowing if it was the declaration of independence or the secret receipt to KFC Chicken. After carefully pulling it out and unfolding it, I wasn't sure what I was looking at. I couldn't understand the language it was in, although if I had to take a guess, I would say it was Latin. But there were some pictures—more like hieroglyphs —depicting a sequence of actions.

Step 1 seemed to be fairly clear; it showed two legs with feet facing away from each other in a V shape, with a fairly well-drawn woman's genitalia in the middle. So a female with her legs spread was the best guess.

Step 2 also didn't seem to be that difficult to figure out; it showed the same image but with a male figure kneeling between the legs facing the vagina (I knew it was male based on the large erection it was sporting).

Step 3 was totally confusing. It showed a U-shaped symbol and an M-shaped symbol that looked more like a three-leaf clover coming together.

Step 4 went back to a fairly clear picture of a man performing cunniligus on a woman. A large lightning bolt appeared above the man's head.

Step 5 showed the image of an expressionless head with images and shapes going into it.

Step 6, the last image in the set, was more of the same expressionless heads grouped together, about 8 of them. All of them had the same look on their faces, although they were all slightly different in hair and skin color.

Baffled by what I had found, I decided to take a picture of it, then carefully put everything back together again and put it in a clean, dry, dark place (my sock drawer) for safekeeping. While my wife might be interested in some weird old sex comic, I think she might also be upset that I wasted most of the morning looking at it instead of working on the basement.