The catalyst.

This was a party. A classmate’s party. Isabelle got invited, but I didn’t. Despite that, my sister insisted I go with her.

“B-But they only invited you…” I told her.

“They know we’re always together!” she insisted. “Inviting me means inviting you! Besides, I don’t want to go alone.”

That was how it was back then. Where one went, so did the other. Twin siblings as you’d imagine, save for identical outfits. That had stopped when we were 10. Back then, Isabelle and I got along perfectly, but that was the night we began to drift apart.

“We don’t need to watch this,” I told Frey.

“Shush.”

I watched my younger self and my sister go into the house, and I remember the party’s host giving me odd looks. First clue that I wasn’t wanted there. I didn’t have as much trouble talking to people when I was 13, but at that party I felt awkward. I tried approaching people, some of whom were classmates and others who were at least from the same school. But every time I tried to start a conversation… it simply ended with people going “Uh-huh”, “Yeah?”, “is that so?” Nobody actually wanted me there.

At one point, they all decided to play truth or dare. I was there, too, fearing the moment the bottle landed on me. They were trying to get embarrassing secrets out or daring people to do things like kissing or confessing to the guy or girl they liked.

At one point, the bottle landed on my sister, and she chose truth. Much to my surprise and dismay, they asked her to reveal who I liked. Not who she liked, but who I liked. And Isabelle knew. She shot me a guilty glance, but answered truthfully. She told them I had something of a crush on a classmate of ours that wasn’t there. They all laughed and teased me for it, as kids do.

And when the bottle landed on me, I stupidly chose dare. They dared me to call the girl I liked and confess over the phone. I was too afraid to do it, and I felt it wasn’t right to involve her when she wasn’t even there. And so, going against the rules of the game, I refused to do the dare. That made them all annoyed at me. The irritated stares and passive-aggressive comments were getting to me, so I excused myself to the bathroom. And when I returned, I overheard them all talking about me.

“Isabelle, your brother is really fucking lame,” said the party’s host, who I think I should mention now was the guy Isabelle liked.

“Yeah, he’s no fun at all. Why’d you have to bring him?” asked someone else.

It hurt to hear it, but at least I knew my sister would stand up for me, like she always did.

“…W-Well, you know how it is, right?” Isabelle laughed awkwardly and shrugged. “Our mom was all like ‘if you’re going out, take your brother’. I can’t go anywhere without him following me around.”

“That really sucks. I don’t understand how you guys can be siblings. You’re so much cooler than him.”

Hindsight and retrospect are one hell of a thing, huh? That day I believed those comments were true, and even then at 18 I still couldn’t exactly say they were entirely false, but as an adult... It brought to mind what the girls had said about compliments. That guy was clearly trying too hard to be on Isabelle’s good side. And by the same token, my sister was trying to get them to approve of her.

“Right?” she laughed. “Sorry I brought him.”

I didn’t go back. I stayed close by to watch over Isabelle like mom had asked me, but I didn’t go back to the group. They were happy to continue the game without me, and eventually mom went to pick us up.

Then the scene in front of me changed, and several others played at Frey’s whim. She stopped at one only a few months after, one of me catching Isabelle coming out of her room all dressed up.

“You’re going out?” I asked, surprised.

“Yeah. I’ll be back by 9:00 pm, I think,” she said.

“Should I…”

“I’m going alone, Oliver.”

Hearing those words again got through the apathetic state Frey had me in. It hurt. That was when my sister and I stopped being close. She chose to continue her life, make friends and move forward. I realized that, and I couldn’t stop her. I had no way to, and more importantly, I understood it was the right thing to do, in a way. We are twins, but that doesn’t mean our lives are tied together.

I tried to do the same as her. I tried to move on and make my own life, I really did. But I stumbled into a harsh reality. The friends I thought I had? They weren’t my friends. They were Isabelle’s friends. She was always the outgoing one, the one to start conversations and keep them going. And for relying so much on her, I never learned to do the same.

“So for years you remained alone, trying and failing to communicate with others until you eventually stopped trying,” Frey said. Her tone was cold and analytical, but I thought I heard a few hints of sympathy in there. “No wonder you’re so passive.”

It wasn’t a single, big traumatic experience that led me down that path. It was my fear, my hesitation, my choices, my failures, and eventually my inaction. People say to keep trying and you’ll eventually succeed, and I’d say they’re correct. But how many have the willpower to continue when failure hurts so bad? When you see those you believed were friends turn their back on you and when attempts at making new friends result in being a laughingstock or getting taken advantage of.

I don’t blame anyone. They all did that which I could not: move on with their lives. They keep those they like close and ignore those they do not. It’s simple, really.

“At least you understand how it works,” Frey continued. “So long as you’re willing to put yourself out there, you’re bound to find people to get along with. From like minded ones to complete opposites that complement you. Closing yourself as you have, you’re only lowering your chances for that to happen more and more.”

“…”

“Forget the past and focus on the present. Yes, there’s these three girls that like you because you’re good at sex thanks to me, but if they hated you or only wanted you for that, they wouldn’t be spending so much time with you, would they? You’ve thought about it before. Grab onto this chance, boy. Use me as much as I’m using you. Learn, grow and live the life you want to live. People can do it without having as drastic a help as I’m offering you. What’s stopping you now?”

“…”

I wish I could’ve felt all motivated by her encouragement, but again, the state of apathy made me consider her words calmly. And she had a point. I had already resolved to take advantage of Frey’s powers. If she was using me, then I’d use her to get what I wanted. And at this moment, what I wanted the most was to be able to be with Mila, Grace and Sarah at the same time.

I wished I only remembered this last part once I woke up, however.