The WAG Is In The Altogether !

Debbi had been getting used to public appearances but presenting this stand up routine in front of a live audience at a prestigious comedy club was on another level and she was very nervous. She was the final act on a bill of four comics. Her predecessors on stage were a black female and two men who had some kind of profile from spasmodic TV appearances. Debbi didn't know if being on last was a good or a bad thing. Nor did she know whether the fact that the preceding acts had gone down so well was advantageous to her or not. Daisy calmed her down. "It shows we have a supportive and receptive audience that is now nicely warmed up. Just go out there and deliver like you have in our rehearsals. You'll be great !"

So Debbi took a deep breath and tottered out onto the stage in a pair of vertiginous heels that had been selected to emphasis the Bimbo WAG persona. The only other thing she was wearing was a thigh skimming tight black dress with a plunging neckline. At least the audience isn't booing, she thought.

Overcoming a slightly edgy start, Debbi soon got into the swing of her routine. She knew that what Daisy had written for her was funny and she was confident that the audience was laughing with her and not at her. She even came up with an effective ad lib in reply to some hecklers when there were cries of 'show us your tits'. In response, Debbi adopted a stern face and hands on hips pose. "And why on earth do you think I'd do that ? I'll have you know I'm a well respected member of the Wagistocracy. We're not all a bunch of air heads you know !" This elicited the laughter she had hoped for, since the whole point of the routine Daisy had written for her was to play up the bimbo aspect.

It had proved to be a success and they were now fast approaching the climax of the act. "You may have heard that I've launched my own line of lingerie and swimwear" Debbi was saying, which produced a few whistles. "And now I'm branching out into evening wear. We have a special preview here but you have to be sophisticated and cultured to fully appreciate it. Hang on, I'll show you !"

Debbi tottered off stage in her heels and a spotlight illuminated the side from which she would reappear. An expectant hush had crept over the audience, which made the eruption of noise all the more impressive when Debbi reemerged stark naked except for her heels ! The uproar continued with hoots, laughter and whistles as Debbi made her way to centre stage. She looked puzzled. "Stop it. Wait. Look. Don't you like it ?" She gave a little 360 degree twirl. A disembodied voice boomed from offstage. "But you're totally naked !" it cried. Debbi acted startled and then a music track played of chipmunk voices singing to the old tune, 'The WAG is in the altogether, but altogether, she's altogether, she's altogether as naked as the day that she was born' and so on. With this, Debbi assumed the classic embarrassed nude female pose of crouching and trying to cover up, before rushing offstage to thunderous applause.

One of the stage hands offered her a robe but Debbi declined and returned to the stage still fully nude to take her bow. "A round of applause please for my wonderful writers Eddie and Daisy" she said. "And also for Lesley, my costume designer !" More laughter as she indicated her naked body. "And thank you for being such a great audience." Debbi left the stage again to a raucous reception and this time she did accept the offer of a robe !