The Things We Lost In Summer

London, summer, 1991.

Helen slowed to a stop outside her house.

Margaret’s car was already on the drive. An unannounced visit from her mother was never a good sign. Her daughter Emily’s bright red Beetle took up the only other space. She exhaled and continued up the road to find somewhere to park.

As she let herself into the house, she could hear her mother’s voice clearly from the sitting room.

“…you must understand, Darling, it’s the only sensible option. University gives you structure, opportunity and a future. Without it, you’re closing doors before they’ve even opened.”

Helen stepped into the doorway.

Emily was perched on the edge of the sofa, shoulders hunched, hands clasped tightly in her lap. She looked meek and cornered. When she saw her mother, the relief on her face was unmistakable.

Margaret followed her gaze and looked towards the door. “Oh. Helen. You’re home. I was just explaining…”

“I heard.” Helen kept her voice level. “Emily, sweetheart, can you give us a moment?”

Emily didn’t hesitate. She was on her feet instantly. She paused just long enough to kiss her mother on the cheek.

“Thank God you’re home,” she whispered.

Helen waited until she heard the bedroom door close before turning back to Margaret.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Margaret didn’t flinch. “Having a conversation with my granddaughter.”

“You’re not having a conversation. You’re telling her what her life should look like.”

“I’m advising her,” Margaret said calmly. “Which is more than can be said for you.”

Helen inhaled slowly.

“She doesn’t want to go to university. You know that.”

“What she wants is neither here nor there. She’s eighteen. She doesn’t yet understand what’s best for her.”

“She understands perfectly well. The last two years nearly broke her,” Helen said. “The stress, the anxiety… You saw what those A-levels did to her.”

“And yet she completed them,” Margaret replied. “Which proves she’s more than capable when she applies herself.”

“Yes, but at what cost?”

Margaret’s expression tightened slightly. “You know I’ll pay for her education. She deserves a good start in life.”

Helen was sure her mother knew she wasn’t referring to the financial cost, but she didn’t have the patience to correct her. And besides, her mother’s next comment turned the conversation to its inevitable destination.

“I would have thought you, of all people, would appreciate that.”

Something old, familiar and dark surfaced in Helen.

“Don’t,” she said quietly.

“Don’t what? Remind you that I helped you in much the same way?”

“You didn’t help,” Helen snapped. “You took control of my life.”

Margaret’s tone remained annoyingly calm. “I had to help you.”

Helen laughed, sharp and humourless. “No. What you have to do is control everything. That’s what this is and always has been.”

“Oh, Helen, for heaven’s sake…”

“You ruined my life,” Helen said loudly. “You took everything I loved and stamped on it because it didn’t fit your neat little idea of how things should be.”

Margaret frowned, “I saved you from a life of squalor with a **** addict who had no future.”

“A man I loved,” Helen shot back. “A life I chose.”

“And look where your choices got you,” Margaret replied. “Thirty-nine, divorced…”

“I’m divorced because you **** me to marry a man I didn’t…”

“Please stop being so dramatic. I didn’t **** you to do anything, all I did was…”

“Enough,” said Helen, turning away.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. Then Helen pointed towards the door. “Get out.”

Margaret blinked, as if she hadn’t quite heard her. “Really, Helen, this is…”

“Get out of my house.”

“I will not be spoken to like this.”

“GET THE FUCK OUT.”

Margaret gave a disapproving shake of her head.

“You’re being hysterical. I’ll call you tomorrow, when you’ve calmed down.”

She picked up her handbag and walked out without another word. The front door closed with a quiet, final click. A second later, Emily came running down the stairs and threw her arms around Helen. Mother and daughter held each other tightly, eyes stinging as the tears fell. Then Helen pulled back.

Brushing Emily’s hair from her face, she said, “It’s a big world out there. Go and find your place in it.”