The Story of Adam and Katelyn

The DzDcModV8Titpocalypse mod v1.8.0 was used during this playthrough.

Narrator Voice:

You ever have a night so crazy that you wake up the next morning and you can't possibly believe that what you remember from the previous night actually happened? Like so crazy that you question your grasp on reality, because there is no plausible way that what you remember could have physically happened. I had one of those nights way back on March 28th, 2009. It was a simpler time... back when Twilight was a thing, smartphones were beginning to replace flip phones, and Miley Cyrus wasn't covered in doodles like a middle school notebook... What had started out as a forgettable Saturday night in my final semester of undergrad turned into a life altering night for myself and my good friend Katelyn.

I can remember it like it was... Ah, before I get ahead of myself I guess I should give you a little background on myself and Katelyn. I've always considered myself fairly forgettable, but not in a bad way. I just don't have that one trait that really stands out and makes people remember me. Sure at 6'2" I'm a bit taller than the average guy, but it's not like I've got the body of an Adonis. Hell, if anything I'm probably a bit underweight... But I digress. My point is that I've always considered myself fairly forgettable, so it always baffled me as to why Katelyn had developed a crush on me during our final year of college.

Katelyn and I had a fairly odd friendship. She actually been dating a friend of a friend when we first met, and our friendship really didn't begin to blossom until she was getting ready to dump her boyfriend of 3 years. As their relationship began to sour, she started venting to me about her boyfriend. Being entertained by how badly he was botching the relationship I gladly listened to her stories of shitty love letters and underwhelming sexual escapades. Looking back at things, this is probably when she began to develop an interest in me and I probably should have distanced myself from their imploding relationship... But, it was so entertaining to watch. Anyways, about a month after finally kicking her ex to the curb she turned her sights on me, but there was one issue... I wasn't really attracted to her.

Don't get me wrong, Katelyn was by no means ugly... In fact I always thought her face had a very attractive girl next door quality to it and her thick long dark brown hair framed that cute face perfectly. From the neck up she was a solid 8 out of 10. But from the neck down... Well that was the issue for me. See Katelyn's genetics were such that no matter what, she was always going to be bottom heavy. She had been blessed with wide hips and her body had a propensity to store any extra weight on her lower half. Had I met Katelyn back when we were freshman in college before that 3 year relationship, I probably would have found her cute. Short bottom-heavy girls were never really my type, but she wasn't that heavy back then and it's not like at the time I was beating the women off me with a bat.

Unfortunately for her, and I guess for me, that 3 year relationship had been the catalyst for her body to pack on the extra pounds. Bad habits picked up from her ex, and her own sweet tooth, had caused her short frame bloat up past the point of what I found attractive... So when I found out that Katelyn was interested in me I did my best to politely turn her down. But that didn't stop her from trying to change my mind. I have to hand it to her, she was annoyingly persistent...

So that brings us to that infamous Saturday night. Katelyn and I had been hanging out in my dorm room watching a pirated copy of Quantum of Solace, it was 2009 after all. As the movie wrapped up she had slid over on the futon and tried to lean in for a kiss. Me being the "debonair" young man that I was, awkwardly turned her down and did my best to disengage from the situation. We chatted for a few minutes after that. She once again tried to convince me that I was crazy for not finding her attractive, and I did my best not to come off as a complete dick for not giving in to her advances. In retrospect we both could have handled things better, but it is what it is... Katelyn left my dorm room sexually and mentally frustrated and I sat their replaying the events of the night in my head.

Well that was until a few minutes later when I heard a knock on my dorm room door...