The Psychiatrist

The next morning after a little more fun with Amy, chores and breakfast you turned to trying to find someone to help the citizens of your small utopia. Idaho offered no help, nor did Montana or Utah. Washington and Oregon offered some help though mostly in the cities on the coast. You wanted someone who specialized in LGBT people, specifically trans people. As you dwelled on that you realized that given your recent exploits you actually fell under that umbrella. As you looked and researched a thought crossed your mind.

It was a bad idea, you hadn't seen her since the funeral, you hadn't returned any of her calls or messages either. That said she was eminently qualified and had a history in telehealth. You hovered over the contact in your phone and after a full minute of trepidation you hit the green call button.

"Dr. Paige's office," came the voice of a receptionist.

"I'm calling to speak to Kylie."

"Who may I say is calling?"

"A friend."

You sat on hold listening to Kenny G for fifteen minutes before you heard her voice.

"This is doctor Paige."

"Hey Ky."

The line went dead. All things considered that could have gone much worse. As you turned back to your research your phone rang, it was her cell."

"Ky," you started.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, "that's a serious question is this a fucking joke."

"No-"

"Because I haven't heard from you in a year and a half, you havent given me so much as a text and now you call my office?"

"Ky," you tried.

"You're a real piece of work you know that?"

The line went dead again. You stared at your phone, again that could have gone worse you thought.

You kept researching, compiling a list of potential names, none were anything near local and none were cheap but for Amy and her friends it was worth it.

You called a few places leaving messages for offices that were clearly at their limit and as you got up to get dinner your phone rang again.

"What do you want anyway?"

You hesitated unsure if she actually wanted to hear what you had to say.

"I asked you a question dipshit."

That stung, that oddly had always been a term of endearment she used for you back before the accident.

"I'm not calling for me," you said.

She laughed, you couldn't tell if it was sarcasm or disbelief.

"Well that's good because I don't specialize in emotionally stunted man children."

If that was supposed to hurt it didn't, you were well aware of your biggest flaw. Before you could offer an answer you heard a soft sob on the other end.

"Ky," you started again.

"No," she snapped, "that's what my friends and family call me, you are neither."

That actually hurt.

"So who are you calling me about if it's not you, did you replace Anna already?"

You looked up and saw Amy standing in the doorway.

"You ok?" she mouthed.

You nodded and she left.

"Are you fucking serious, you called me about the woman you replaced my dead sister with you absolute dipshit."

"It's a really long story Ky," you stammered.

"Long, you want to talk to me about long? Long is every day since my sister died, me who just spent years going for my PhD with no one around but my sister and her dipshit husband and then she dies and he fucking disappeared. I went by your apartment and I met a lovely couple who told me you left the fucking state."

"What about Arnold?"

It sounded like she smashed the phone because the line went dead after a crash. You didn't feel much like eating and given how those calls had gone you weren't sure you'd be able to mask the turmoil you were feeling. An hour passed, it was dark now but you hadn't bothered to turn on anything but the desk light. Your phone rang again.

"Arnold left me," she said, yeah like a month after Anna because he said I was hung up on two ghosts."

"I should have called sooner."

"You should have done a lot of things."

There was silence but her harsh breath on the other end told you she hadn't hung up.

"Where are you anyway?"

"Idaho."

"Why the fuck are you in Idaho?"

"Do you remember Shangri-la?"

"Anna's stupid little utopia," she chuckled through a sob, "you didn't."

"I did."

"Send me the address."

"Wait you want to come here?"

"Yes because I'm tired of having this conversation over the phone and if it's anything like what Anna talked about," she paused, "I want to see if I feel my sister there because I don't feel anything here."

The line went dead and you wiped a tear from your eye. Amy came back holding a plate of food and put it in front of you climbing onto your lap.

"Honesty," she said before you could tell her nothing was wrong.

"I was looking for a psychiatrist," you said, "who does telehealth and specializes in LGBT people. I called my sister in law."

"You said you didn't have any family."

"After the way I acted," you said, "I don't."

"Dave that wasn't your decision to make," said Amy brushing your hair back, "after how my family acted you would think they were dead to me, but if they showed up here and hugged me I'd forgive it all."

You held Amy to you, "she's coming here."

"Why?"

"Because this was all Anna's idea."

Kylie must have been extremely serious because she texted you the next morning that she was in Boise and on her way. You flew through your chores and sat on the porch wallowing in dread. The car pulled in and you walked cautiously off the porch, she could just run you over you told yourself.

Kyle got out in sunglasses and a coat that was more fashion than substance, "it's fucking freezing."

She walked past you into the house and found Amy and Sara sitting in the living room. She said nothing turning back to you.

"Where am I staying?"

You brought her to Nyx' house. The kitchen was a mess, it seemed Nyx survived on granola bars and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Nyx came out of her room and froze when she saw Kylie dressed like the evil stepmother from a modern Disney movie.

"Hi," she said extending a hand, "I'm Nyx, Dave, um, he lets me live here."

As she walked past Kylie she gave you a look as if to comfort you before hastily trying to straighten up the kitchen.

"Ky," you said as Nyx clattered behind you.

"No," she said, "we're not doing this, not here, not now, I've been traveling all night, I need a shower, sleep and a drink not necessarily in that order."

"Do you like whiskey?" asked Nyx from the kitchen.

Kylie raised an eyebrow, "I like her."

You sat in your house thebdread not having past, you and Kylie were going to have to talk and it wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Relax," said Amy sitting next to you.

"I didn't realize how bad she was hurting," you said, "how badly I hurt her on top of everything."

"But that doesn't mean you can't try to make it right," said Amy, "it won't be easy but you can try."

Around dinner Nyx brought Kylie over, they were chatting, or rather Nyx was while Kylie was offering facial expressions. Dinner was awkward and as you cleared the table Kylie motioned for you to follow her into the living room.

"Nyx is quite the chatterbox," said Kylie.

"She talks when she's nervous," you said.

"I gathered," said Kylie, "still she's sweet and she adores you, but then you were there for her when she needed you."

"Ouch," Kylie gave you a look, "fair but still."

"So you built this place despite having no friends or family and now what, you're turning it into Noah's ark?"

"I don't think we'd be able to repopulate the earth," you said.

"Well I'm glad you found a purpose," said Kylie, "maybe tomorrow you can actually show me around."

"Yeah, sure," you said.

Kylie turned to leave, "Ky," you started puttinga hand on her shoulder.

"We're not there yet," she said shrugging away from your touch.

As you laid down for bed with Amy your mind was still racing.

"She wasn't screaming at you," said Amy.

"I feel so bad," you said, "I was so wrapped up in my own grief I didn't even think about her."

"Slow and steady," said Amy kissing your cheek.

You woke up the next morning and went to do your chores. Nyx was on the porch with Kylie, Kylie was even laughing.

"There he is," said Nyx causing Kylie's smile to evaporate.

"Need a hand?" asked Nyx.

"Always," you said, "want to come see everything Ky, um, Kylie."

"Sure," she said following Nyx.

As you and Nyx went about your work Kylie sat among the goats petting some. You caught her smiling a few times. At one point she stepped into some leavings and groaned stepping back into another pile.

"Shit," she laughed literally, "this is just like at that farm on Long Island, remember?"

You laughed remembering the day.

Kylie turned to Nyx, "we went to feed baby cows, it was all Anna's idea and we get there and she stepped right in it, barely five minutes in."

"She was so mad," you said, "turned around and tripped right into another pile."

Kylie was laughing so hard she was barely breathing, "in that white dress, who wears white to a farm?"

"She stood up and shouted "I look like toilet paper," you said.

Kylie wiped tears from her eye and stopped laughing. She looked at you and her expression hardened, she stormed past you and Nyx looked at you and shrugged.

You went after her, she threw her shoes off on the porch and stormed into the house. She slammed the door in your face but you followed her, as she got into the room she was staying in she broke down crying. You approached slowly and she turned slamming her fist into your chest.

"Where were you dipshit?" she sobbed, "why weren't you there," she hit you again, "you were always there for me," another hard hit, "then Anna died," she hit you, "Arnold left," hit you again.

She collapsed into you sobbing and you wrapped your arms around her. Kylie looked up at you, she looked so much like Anna, everything from her build to her blue eyes to her slightly crooked nose, only her blonde hair was different.

"I needed you," she said her lips hovering just in front of yours.