The Profiler

What this is is a computer program that allows John to make any changes he wants to any celebrity, all by typing in their names.

Example: if he types in Natalie Portman

IQ: 134

Occupation: Actress

Nationality: Israeli-American

Measurements: 34-25-34

With the Profiler, John could change her boob size, making them way out of proportion, make her occupation a waitress at Hooters or even something like a chair or stripper pole, and lower her IQ to 30 making her essentially a brain-dead bimbo. He could even change her name to something stupid like Tits McDumbass. And the best part: any changes he made would be viewed as normal by the world, including the woman herself.