The Night Before the Show

"Steven, tomorrow is the show. You have got to get the appeal pushed through!" I said.

Steven sighed. I was hoping for a more positive response from our lawyer, but apparently that wasn't to be.

"Look," he said, "I've already pushed it, and it's been denied. Judge Hanover works from a special charter. Nobody is going to interfere with that."

"What the hell charter is that?"

"Well," said Steven, "it's the Special Laws Utilizing Tolerance Zero charter, to be specific."

"The what?" I asked.

"The SLUTZ charter. It's based on a treatise the judge wrote himself."

"Oh, come on! What kind of methodology does he use?" I said.

Steven answered, "Daily Intervention and Tolerance Zero."

I gave Steven a flat stare. "You're telling me he uses the DITZ methodology?"

Steven nodded, his face set in a way that made it impossible for me to tell if he was kidding or not. Either way, I wasn't amused.

We were gathered in Steven's office for a final meeting. Steven was sitting behind his desk. I was sitting across from him, but as far away from Chrissie, Laura and Tonya as I could manage. And I was planning to keep it that way.

The four of us had worked together as a crime gang for several successful jobs. Chrissie was the leader, but I didn't agree with the way she did a lot of things, and the tension between us had grown to the point where we couldn't work together anymore. Our most recent job- a museum heist- was going to be our last job together. The artifacts we stole during the heist turned out to have unexpected properties that disrupted our lives in spectacular fashion, and we had to return the artifacts to the museum. Chrissie and Tonya betrayed me during the return, however, but messed it up so badly we all ended up getting caught.

That was how we ended up in the courtroom of Judge Hanover, a mysterious and powerful figure with unexplainable abilities. After hearing our case, he sentenced the four of us to appear on "Bimbomania!", a new game show where female prisoners competed against each other for a big money prize and freedom, with the losers allegedly ending up as bimbos. I assumed the bimbification effects were staged, but after encountering Judge Hanover, I wasn't taking anything for granted. Besides, Blonde Concepts, a new corporation in Chrystal Heights with an unusual line of products, produced the show and who the hell knew what they were capable of.

"Don't worry," said Chrissie. "After we're done with the show, I'll take good care of your bimboed butt."

I narrowed my eyes. "As if. I'll be taking care of your bimboed butt, you mean."

Steven cleared his throat. "Actually, that brings me to a point you need to know about. Regardless of who, um, wins, the four of you will have to remain living together for at least five years. The winner has to, um, support the losers for the five years as well. That includes Tonya's baby, should the state give her back, and any other children that may, um, occur. This sentence the judge gave you will keep you out of jail, but you're still under probation of sorts. In other words, the judge wants to make sure the winner is punished as well as the losers."

There was grumbling at Steven's announcement, but we knew complaining wasn't going to change anything. Besides, if the game show was legit, three of us wouldn't have enough I.Q. left to take care of ourselves afterward anyway, and those three would need a caretaker.

Steven stood up, indicating the meeting was at an end. "Good luck to you guys," he said. We all shook hands and exited the office.

Just outside the office, Chrissie turned to me. "We just want you to know," she said, "that the three of us are in agreement about one thing. Regardless of which one of us three win, the winner is going to make sure your ass is turning tricks. You're going to be giving five-dollar blowjobs every night, and you'll be the backroom entertainment at every party we throw. You're going to be the biggest slut in Chrystal Heights."

I rolled my eyes and walked away. Chrissie was so obsessed with taking me down that she had lost all perspective.