The Miners Go on Strike!

There was quite a fracas filling the main street of Gold Springs on that sweltering afternoon. An awful shrieking, bawling, banshee-like noise that surely only an animal in need of putting down could produce.

Texas was hot on the case as she charged towards town hall, finger primed on her trigger, only to find the source of the awful screeching was none other than Mayor Vivian herself!

The mayor was flapping around, on the brink of fainting, outright squawking! Texas had to wonder if she was secretly part hen.

“Mayor! What is it? Hol’up at the bank? Train robbery?”

Mayor Vivian eventually simmered down and managed to eke out; “In there! Brutes! Horrible, nasty beasts!”

Well, that didn’t give Tex much to go on, but she wasn’t about to back down in a time of need!

So she licked her lips, cocked her iron, and strode on in though the swinging doors. Flipping up her badge, she hollered, “Yer under arrest fer-“

But the only thing under arrest was Tex’s sense of smell upon entering the town hall-turned sweat lodge.

Once the fog had cleared from her eyes and the stink of grimy onions had rinsed her sinuses through and through, she rubbed her face and beheld the group of towering moles all resting on their pickaxes. It was the town’s miners, clearly fresh off the job if the nostril-curling smell was anything to go by. Two of them had their arms up above their heads, fuzzy pits on display, while another fanned his glistening face down with his hardhat. The fourth leaned in towards Tex and spread his mouth into a yellow grin.

“Bout time you showed up! We dun fill’t up the derned spittoon!”

Spittoon? What in hell or high water was he-

SPPLLT!

Texas had about a second to ask herself that question before four comets of slime shot from the lips of the miners and pelted her one by one.

Mole drool violated every inch of her body, and battered her senses even worse than the sweat had. She flicked about a gallon off the stuff of her hands and readjusted her trusty hat.

“Now, you listen here you no good varmints!” Texas stomped a foot and waggled her finger at the supersized spelunkers.

“What gives y’all the right ta go aroun’ spittin’ on folks! An-An’ why’re ya stinkin’ up the town hall anyways!?”

“Wurr on strike!” Bellowed the mole at the back, before leaning over for a curious whiff of his own pit. His pupils twirled at the pungency.

“Strike!?”

“You cut our pay!”

“What!? N-No I never! Uh… did I?” Now that Texas though about it there might have been a document or two passed along from Vivian that she’d barley glanced at before signing off on last week. Something about wages…

“If y’aint prepurred t’pay us, must be we ain’t ‘portant enuff!”

“Of course not! You fellers are mighty important…” she took a chancy step forward and tried to run damage control on the situation, “Why, without y’all the town wouldn’t have any coal! And no coal means no fires!”

The mole at the front lowered his terse, beastly face down to Tex’s level. He wrinkled his star nose before growling:

“Tuff.”

A tide of near-visible halitosis trickled out and into Texas’ face. She went through several shades of green before rushing to the window and sticking her head outside.

The miners rumbled with laughter, “Say, if our job’s so important, why don’t YOU do it?”

When Tex turned around a pickaxe was immediately thrust into her hand. It was twice her size, nearly toppling her over with just its weight.

“Ah can’t! Why, I don’t know the first thing ‘bout hittin’ rocks!”

“That’s fer you to figger out! I’m sure a purdy la’l thang like you’ll have no problem. C’mon, boys, I say we urned ourselves a vacation! I hurr Sasparilla Springs is mighty nice this time of year!”

And with that, the miners trooped out of town hall, leaving behind a room reeking like a dirty washcloth along with a very confused Texas.

Eventually she managed to balance the pickaxe up in the air. The thing weighed a tonne! Tex wobbled it about for about a second before it slammed into the floor again.

It became clear that there was really no other option. She was going to have to trek all the way out to the mines and do the job herself… at least until she cooked up a plan for getting those moles back in line.

At that moment, the doors to the town hall swung open again and in stepped April, Tex's ever-dependable deputy. The rancid ambience hit her and her eyes shrunk like they'd been caught off-guard by a photographer. Wincing, she pinched her nose with one hand and flapped the air with the other,

"Geez Louise, Sherr'f! Phew! Don't take it personal, but I think ya could use a bath!"

"Wh- That ain't me! It was those good-fer-nuffin miners. They're on strike!"

"Uh oh."

"Uh oh indeed! Now I gotta lug my keister over to the mines and do their job for 'em till they see sense! Reckon you could take care of the town while I'm gone?"

April stood to attention and saluted the Sherriff (still keeping a finger firmly under her nostrils as she did so).

Tex pulled up her sleeves, pushed out her chest… and stepped straight into the overflowing spittoon with a comical SPLOOSH.

“Urgh! You kiddin’ me?”

After pouring the gloopy slaver out of her boot and wringing her sock, Tex left for real, leaping onto her trusty steed and pointing forward with a proud, “Fly like the wind!”

But clearly Tex’s horse misinterpreted the instruction, instead issuing a strained whinny and forcibly releasing a raunchy tailflappin' fart.

Texas grabbed her hat and wafted away the cloud of spoiled oats.

“Ugh… jus’ gallop on over to the mines, would’ya? Dumb animal."

--

Texas swung the axe up through the air, flinching as it impacted the wall with a resonant CLINK that made her whole body wobble. She flipped the pick onto the ground and leaned on the handle.

"Phe-yew! This is harder than it looks." Breathless, she scratched away at a golden glint embedded in the rockface, then traced her line of sight all the way down into the farther reaches of the cave. This was going to take a while.

But at least she had some alone time for once. Usually there was someone nagging at her, trying to get her to go sort out a petty misdemeanor or pressing her into a wall with their fat reeking butt. Here, though? Ignoring the cumbersome labor, it was actually pretty peaceful.

That couldn't last for long, though, and sadly Tex knew it. Not five seconds later her peace was intruded upon by...