The Ladies of Week 6 Are Drawn

Rhett beams as he faces the audience. “It's time to start week 6 — the halfway mark of Cycle Two — and just like your favorite ex, this game refuses to leave quietly. Our players are battered, bruised, and in more emotionally complicated relationships than a CW drama — which means it's time to give them even more choices they’ll absolutely regret.”

He turns to look at the screen behind him as 5 cards spin around it, not yet settling and revealing the Lady they carry, but waiting for their moment. “So we begin the drafting stage, with five lovely Ladies of the College Spread deck ready for the attentions of our brave… or is it foolhardy… players. Let’s see who’s on deck this week!”

One by one the cards line up on the screen. Rhett gets ready to announce them.

A faculty member gracing the board draws some gasps from the audience.

Rhett introduces her, “First on deck: Dr. Eleni Papadopoulos, Empress of Clubs. Professor in Classic Literature, age thirty-seven — and yes, she looks like she walked straight out of a Greek epic, probably after rewriting it to give herself a better ending. She doesn’t just teach myths — she becomes one. Sharp eyes, sharper pen, and a reputation for seducing minds before bodies. Gentlemen, if you’re thinking of playing her, brush up on your Homer — and I don’t mean Simpson.”

Then the second card, and the gasps get louder as ANOTHER dean enters the fray.

Rhett shakes his head as if sympathizing with the players, “Next up… oh, look sharp. It’s Dr. Aiyana Sinclair — the Ace of Hearts. Dean of Humanities. Fifty years old, steady hand, steel backbone. She didn’t just rise to the top — she built the staircase. Her tagline says she wrote the book on power. What it doesn’t say? She edited yours — and gave it a D. Elegant, intimidating, and not here to entertain your nonsense. You don’t play Dr. Sinclair… you petition her for permission to try.”

The third card receives somewhat less enthusiasm. Not only is she a three, but people recognize her as Tank’s first play in week 1.

For those that don’t, Rhett reminds them. “Oh dear. Claire Kowalski, Three of Clubs.

Music major. Nineteen. Hopelessly awkward — and, bless her, completely aware of it. You might remember Claire as the first girl picked by Tank Marshall. And if you don’t remember Tank… well, that tells you how that went. He might’ve gotten a completely forgettable blowjob out of it, but scoring Claire still saw him exit the game faster than if her boyfriend had walked in with a shotgun. So, is she a curse? One of our players is about to find out.”

Another student joins the screen now, one slightly better rated than Clair.

Rhett greets her appearance with an admiring smile. “Now this one’s got polish. Hannah Bishop — Seven of Diamonds. Twenty-two, marketing major, and walking proof that branding yourself is half the battle. She knows how to pitch, alright — herself, her ideas, and probably her roommate’s OnlyFans page too. Clean lines, sharp eyes, and coffee as a personality trait.

If she makes it into your bed, it’s because she already closed the deal before you realized you were negotiating.”

And then, the final card settles onto the screen and the audience goes wild.

Rhett let’s the crowd settle before speaking. Selene bows slightly and raises a glass to salute him. “And lastly — well, well, a lady we have right with us tonight. Dr. Selene Ravensmoor — Queen of Spades. She teaches Ancient Religions, is thirty-four years old, and the only adjunct professor here who can make tenure whimper. She teaches forbidden truths… in fishnets. And if you’re wondering whether that’s literal? Milo can assure you after the ritual sacrifice we just saw that it is an understatement. That’s right — her pet project is right here in the studio, watching this unfold, wondering whether she’s about to pick a second toy… or make him assist. She didn’t come to play. She came to supervise. And maybe destroy someone’s week. Gentlemen? Choose her, and you’d better have safe words — and office hours.”

“And there they are, my ignoble savages, five beautiful ladies to be chosen my five horny players. Now let’s see who is picking who today.