The Ladies of College Spread

The screen behind Rhett flicks to a clean column of playing cards—Two through Ace, each with a subtle silhouette of a girl behind it. He steps to the side and gestures like he’s unveiling a trophy case.

“Now, let’s talk about base value. Every girl in the deck has a card rank—and yeah, it means exactly what you think it means.”

He taps the screen. A 2♠ glows dimly.

“Twos through Tens? That’s the student body. Ranked by attractiveness, popularity, raw campus thirst appeal. Two means you pulled someone... let’s say, underappreciated. Their own mothers would probably rather not look at them! Ten? Certified stunner. Still students, still under twenty-five—but ranked, as I said, from the student forum.”

The screen shifts again, now showing a J♣.

“Jennies are your TAs and professor’s aides. Still hot. Still under thirty. Still technically reachable. But with more authority—and more baggage. They’re worth 15 points.”

A Q♦ and an E♠ flip into view next.

“Queens are your adjunct professors. Young enough to tempt you. Old enough to ruin you. 20 points.”

“Empresses—that’s tenured faculty. The real power on campus. You impress one of them, you’re playing in a whole different league. 50 points.”

And then, the A♥ appears in royal red.

“And the Aces? The women who made it to Dean. Untouchable, unapproachable. They might seem out of your normal age bracket, but if you manage to pull one into play, you’re locking in 100 points before the challenge multiplier even kicks in.”