The First Week's Draw

Rhett steps forward, mic in hand, the screen behind him glowing like a rising sun. The stage lights dim just slightly, and the crowd murmurs in anticipation—whoever isn’t playing tonight, they’re watching.

“Alright, players. Time to find out who you’re chasing.”

He gestures smoothly toward the contestants with an open palm.

“Draw order is simple: youngest to oldest. No appeals. No trades. If you're new, you pick first.”

He grins—and it’s pointed straight at you.

“So our freshman gets first dibs.”

Then, pointing down the line, he calls the rest:

“Then it’s Milo, Tank, Zeke, Cassie, Rourke, and finally Graham.”

He taps a button on the remote and the screen behind him explodes to life—seven glowing cards flipping over in slow succession, each one revealing a full-body image of a woman from the College Spread deck. No stats, no commentary—just visuals, one after the next, filling the air with bright curves, confident poses, and competitive potential.

You and the other contestants keep looking out at the audience, not seeing the screen itself, but your tablet vibrates immediately. Looking down you see the screen updated to show the cards on it. One by one you go through them as Rhett gives a little background information...

As Rhett starts to speak again, the image of the first girl zooms in on your tablet.

“Well, next up we’ve got Claire Kowalski, and let’s be honest—she’s not exactly turning heads in the student lounge. At a solid three, Claire’s the kind of girl who blends into the wallpaper of the music department, and probably hums show tunes under her breath while doing it. Messy bun, oversized turtleneck, and that ever-present look of mild panic—she’s got all the charm of a nervous metronome. But hey, bless her heart, she shows up, clarinet case in one hand, existential dread in the other.”

The picture of the second Lady from the College Spread deck comes upon your tablet and Rhett introduces her.

Rhett introduces her, "Next up, we’ve got Delilah Zheng, the 8 of Diamonds—and yeah, you’re not imagining that she looks like she walked straight out of a high-end business mag. She’s sharp, ambitious, and always five steps ahead, which makes sense for someone majoring in International Relations. Delilah’s the kind of girl who turns heads without trying and knows exactly where she’s going—so if you’re planning to catch her attention, best pick up the pace.”

The third of the College Spread ladies available for today pops up on your tablet.

Rhett seems a little less interested in Kaori than he was in Delilah, “Well folks, here we’ve got Kaori Tanaka—20 years old, Theater major, and, well, she’s just kinda… there. Not lighting up the room, but not setting off alarms either. You’ve seen her—smiling from the wings, probably played Tree #2 once, maybe understudied someone with lines. She’s the kind of girl you remember after a show not because she dazzled, but because she handed you a program with sincere eye contact. Cute? Maybe. Memorable? Debatable. But hey, she showed up—and in college, that’s already top half.”

The image of the card for the fourth lady shows up... and this time it's not a student!

Rhett whistles as he introduces her, "Next up, we’ve got a real test of nerve and nuance — say hello to Dr. Maya Redcloud, the Empress of Spades. Tenured professor of Criminal Psychology, Maya isn’t just brilliant — she’s dangerously brilliant. Calm, composed, and with eyes that can cut through bravado like glass, she’s the type who’ll analyze your intentions before you’ve even said hello. Make no mistake, fellas — this one has everything to lose, and that makes her harder to win. She's not looking for a fling with a freshman — she’s got a reputation, a career, and a spine of steel. Step wrong, and she won’t just say no… she’ll write a paper about your dysfunction."

As you ponder whether anyone can convince a tenured professor to let herself be recorded having sex, another lady's card pops up on your screen.

Rhett grins as he introduces her, "Now here’s a card that’ll knock the wind outta you—in more ways than one. Kailani Mahelona might have the curves of a goddess and a smile that melts your will to compete, but don’t let that fool you, boys—this stunner plays rugby. That’s right—she breaks tackles and hearts. She’s brains, brawn, and beauty all in one, and unless you can take a hit from a flying shoulder and still ask for her number, you might wanna sit this one out."

The sixth and penultimate Lady of the College Spread deck appears on your tablet.

Rhett pulls up the next Lady and introduces her, “Next up, we’ve got Madison Ortiz—Business major, 22, and apparently more into budget spreadsheets than beauty tips. The student body calls her ‘dowdy,’ but let’s be real—she’s just playing a different game. Thick glasses, thrift-store chic, and that classic ‘trying to look executive on a TA budget’ vibe. CEO vibes? Maybe. But the shareholders haven’t noticed yet.”

And then the final Lady for the week... another professor.

Rhett brings the draw to a conclusion by presenting the challenge of another professor, “Now here’s a card that’s got hearts skipping and grades dropping—Dr. Genevieve Rousseau, Queen of Hearts, age 29, Comparative Literature. She’s got the voice of a poet and the pen of an assassin, and trust me, fellas, chasing a professor—even an adjunct—means you're not just flirting with danger, you're enrolling in it. She edits essays the way a surgeon handles scalpels, and if you think you’re ready to impress her, you’d better bring more than a halfway-decent thesis. She doesn’t just correct your work—she rewrites your story.”

"Well," Rhett says, "What remains now is for our contestants to make their choice of Lady for the first week. Our freshman, as the youngest among us, gets to pick first!"