The Devil

We cut back from commercial break. The beautiful sight of a snow-covered town greets viewers to the newest season of Harem Hotel. The camera lingers on the town, almost ghostly in its slumber. No cars, hardly any people just the blue of the night, and yellow lights illuminating red brick buildings. The Camera grows bored with the idyllic mountain village and transfers to its next shot.

A reagal-looking ski lodge perches proudly from the mountain. Its deep blue roof and white-washed walls give it the air of a castle, with tall planters surrounding the perimeter looking like the ramparts of this winter kingdom. The Camera which hovers above this winter retreat with interest pans across its grounds, revealing vast slopes, steaming hot springs, verdant forests, and finally a grand balcony decorated with fireplaces, and stages.

With this little nook now in our mind, the camera descends, and all the audience gets the first look at their host for this season. A young woman, twenty-something walks slowly towards the camera, she has a sashay, a silky little slither, that seems out of place for her attire. Her feet clank heavily against the boards of the balcony, plate boots lift her an inch off the ground, and go all the way up to her knees, where purple and black thigh highs take it from there. She wearing a short skirt which is decorated with chains, which covers her ass but only thanks to some crafty camera work. Her shirt is rags, black, with what remains of a skull inked on the front. It's been torn to shit and reveals the sports bra this woman is wearing underneath. Her face though pretty is a minefield of piercings, from her lips, nose, eyebrows, and her ears which look like pin cushions. Thick eyeliner hides truly large brown eyes, while half her head is shaved, and the other half is dyed a vibrant blue.

"Hello and Welcome to Harem Hotel." Despite context clues suggesting this woman would be apathetic or snotty, a bright smile lights up her face, and her voice is calm and quiet. "I'm your Host Skylar, and this..." She gestures to herself. "...is my body apparently. There's so much metal in her vagina, it's like, how's this lady get through a metal detector. Haha." She looks off towards the side like she's listening to something and suddenly stiffens up. "Sorry about that... didn't mean to complain. You're all here for the show, and what a show we have planned!"

She gestures out towards the balcony, and the camera backs up to give us all a good view of it, and the lodge. "This is The King's Buck Lodge, in Beautiful Aspen Colorado. Built by The WPA during America's Great Depression, it's nearly a hundred years old. During its century it's played host to presidents, billionaires, three murders, six-hundred and seventy-three births, eighty-five thousand affairs, and countless hours of good family fun."

"This season will not be contributing to those latter hours. We've got all the sex and depravity you love and demand from us in store for you this year, and a master who's of the mind to give it to ya." Skylar does a dramatic twirl which seems blasphemously out of place on her body. "That's right folks we've got one hell of a master for you this time, and I'm not gonna tease you any longer!"

"From the depths of hell, you may know him from such hits as The Bible, and The Devil's A Part-Timer, please welcome Satan!"

The Camera Pans to a nearby Firepit, which ignites with bright flames, and from the fires emerges a mercilessly handsome individual. Audiences around the nether lean forward with interest and lust at the mere sight of this man. Beautiful beyond reason, a face hand crafted by God himself, perfect to the point of Horror, this is our heartthrob. He's a tall handsome creature in the shape of a man, with a five o'clock shadow, closely cut black hair, and glowing eyes which are at once blue and yellow. He's wearing a fabulously tailored suit, a silk shirt, leather shoes made from an animal that may have never made it out of the design phases of Genisis, and a watch whose hands move through the 4th dimension.

Make Your Own Kind of Music by Mama Cass begins to play.

As he exits the firepit, there's a huge smile on his face, and his teeth glow with the light of the dawn. Lucifer looks around as he walked up to join the host, genuinely looking surprised. "Is this Harem Hotel?" He asks, giddy like a child.

"Yes, sir it is." Skylar escorts him to a big leather chair on the edge of the fire pit, and she sits in a similar one by his side. "The Producers wanted to some something special for your birthday."

Lucifer smiles even more broadly. "Those cocksuckers, they know how to treat a guy I'll give them that." He reclines in the chair.

"It's not every day that a person turns the big One Four Zero Zero Zero Zero Zero Zero Zero Zero Zero."

"That is true." Lucifer thinks for a moment. "I guess this isn't very good television." He suddenly bolts upright and looks panicked. "Oh god, where am? What's all of this? Where's my family. You're not going to make me have sex with a bunch of super models are you?"

Skylar grins. "I assume you're a fan of the show?"

Our Master drops the act and nods his head. "Big fan, this show is heinous, truly evil. When I finally claim the souls of the producers, nothings going to be off-limits. I'm talking anal wasps, bears with chainsaws, Tapes of Tucker Carlson laughing, it's going to be awful, and nothing less than what they deserve."

"Indeed."

He claps his hands together. "So what are we waiting for? Bring on the ladies."

"Hold up." Skylar raises her hands. "Before we get there, introduce yourself to the audience for those who might not be familiar with you."

"Oh of course." Lucifer looks directly into the camera... and directly... at you? Try moving your head... SEE? LOOK! His eyes are following you! "I'm lucifer, Satan, The Devil, Hasatan, The Morning Star, my wings are the first thing light ever touched. I'm God's favored angel, still am, we're just having some creative differences for the past... eternity. I love the guy, he's a genius, ya know? You just dedicate infinity to someone and suddenly he's like 'hey what if monkeys were my favorite?'. And you know it's like... you know, I like monkeys. But you just point out 'Hey bud, I think that monkey's going to build a nuke one day' and he kicks you and all your buddies out of heaven. And and and THE MONKEY BUILT THE NUKE!"

"Right." Skylar nodded sympathetically. "We've had a lot of masters who've come off of hard breakups. What do you do for a living?"

"Tempt mortals into sin, the souls of the damned." He yawns. "You know, demon stuff."

Skylar nods again. "Yes, we've heard from some of your friends, that you've lost a passion for your work. Is that right?"

Lucifer tilts his head. "Yeah... yeah I think that's fair. I've been doing it for so long, and recently it just feels like... there's no more mountains left to climb, ya know? Have you seen a Dorse? Perversion is just out of control, Evangelical Christians are just frothing hateful lunatics at this point, Baptists are covering up massive amounts of within their own church, Catholics are Catholics. Authoritarianism is on the rise, democracy is on the decline, Nazis are back, I'm cranking out a mass shooting a day, the Jurassic world is on its third movie, I mean I've won, ya know?"

"You certainly have an impressive track record." Skylar leaned forward. "But between you and me, has the flame between you and the sins died out?"

Lucifer sighs, and leans back into his chair, slouching some. "You're a tough bitch you know that?"

"I'm only here to make you happy sir."

"Okay, okay, if I'm being honest me and The Sins, the magic it's..." He twiddles his fingers, to indicate something that's gone to ash.

"The same thing for all eternity can get a little boring huh?"

"Yeah, plus some of them have become real fatties."

"Right, well nothing we can do about that but here at The Harem Hotel we're prepared to offer you Seven New Sins!"

"What?" Lucifer looks ecstatic, he shoots up in his chair and almost gets to his feet.

Skylar is a perfect mirror of his joy. "That's right. Your Harem this Season is a brand new herd of hotties ready to be corrupted and replace those mediocre mistresses you call Sins."

"Yes!" Lucifer is on his feet.

"Presenting to you The Newest Season of Harem Hotel: Living In Sin!"

"Who are they?" Lucifer was on his knees. "Ya gotta tell me, I gotta know. Who could be evil enough? Who... who could be hot enough?"

"Well Lucifer you have quite the intimate relationship with the human race, so you've done something special for you. We're not just offering you, women, from the modern age, no sir."

"You're kidding."

"Your proudest conquests."

"No!"

"Your longest-lasting lusts."

"No!"

"The Eight."

"No!"

"Most Beautiful."

"No!"

"Most Evil."

"No!"

"Most Sinful women in history!"