The Authority

Batman and the Justice League, Lois Lane knew, would have found Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy and brought them to justice. Dragged the pair of criminals back to Arkham Asylum, probably the worse for wear, but without any permanent damage. Those two had been in and out of prison of years, and Lois knew it. The reporter felt an odd clarity as she dialed the number that she had never had a chance to use before, and when a voice answered on the other end she felt herself explaining who she was and what had happened on her night out in a calm, detached tone.

Probably, she was in shock. Because beneath that calm demeanor, a tumult of emotions seethed within the impregnated reporter. She wanted someone to kick Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy's heads in.

Which is why, when a glowing portal opened in mid-air, the reporter stepped through without hesitation.

Harley Quinn was going down on Poison Ivy in the alley, tongue slurping in and out and around the plant-woman's honey-scented twat when a figure stepped out of the shadows, as though he had been waiting there for hours. The Clown Princess of Crime gave a theatrical sigh as she turned, gripping her oversized wooden mallet for a swing.

"Dammit, Bats, I ain't in the mood...to..." The words died on Harley Quinn's lips as she saw the black trenchcoat, the moon-sigil on the chest, the feral smile of the Midnighter. "Ah, crap."

He had already fought this fight in his head, a thousand times. Harley swung her wooden mallet overhand and he ducked, and his arm jutted forward, fingers extended to jav into a nerve-plexus on her neck. The blonde was **** before she hit the ground, booty shorts jutting up in the air as she fell face-first into a garbage bag.

Vines coiled around his arms and legs. Not much greenery in an urban alley for Poison Ivy to work with...but the Midnighter did not work alone. A blinding, burning light came from overhead. Ivy raised her arms and managed a brief scream as the solar radiation overwhelmed her, wilting like a flower beneath a summer sun, green skin tightening and browning, withering and shrinking.

The Midnighter tore himself free and hefted Harley Quinn over his shoulder. His partner Apollo did likewise with Poison Ivy.

"We could just kill them now," the Midnighter said.

"That's not what she wants," Apollo said. "We talked about this, remember?"

"Sure. I think I just miss it sometimes. I haven't kicked someone's brains in since I don't know when." Midnighter grumbled. The tall, statuesque sun god smiled.

"There's always tomorrow. Door," Apollo said. A glowing portal appeared...and the two stepped forward into the Carrier, the extradimensional vessel that served as home and headquarters as it shifted through the Bleed between worlds.

The villains awoke, strapped to a pair of metal gynecology chairs, their feet in stirrups, pants and panties gone. IVs in Poison Ivy's arms had replenished the plant-woman's lost moisture. Not the first time either of them had woken up this way...but it was who held them captive that sent a shiver down their spines.

"Hello ladies," Lois Lane said cooly, dressed in one of the Midnighter's spare trenchcoats. "Welcome to karma."