The "Retrospective" Cases

“Well, this is one fine mess,” declared Laura. The gorgeous detective tried to move her hands, but they were firmly secured to the lamppost behind her back. With a scoff, she pulled against the metal beam with all her strength, her shiny brown hair swiveling left and right at the rhythm of her head. It was no use. The captain knew her knots, go figure.

If only she had her usual attire, she could probably wiggle the razor out of her boots to cut herself free, but no. Laura was only wearing a provocative red bikini. It was great for showing off her curvy body, not so much to hide an ace up her, well, not her sleeve exactly. But maybe her assistant fared better?

“Hey, Annie. I don’t suppose you have a hidden knife somewhere in your swimsuit?”

Laura spared a glance to the woman writhing next to her, her assistant Annie Nigma. A lean girl with peachy skin, freckles, and fuzzy red hair. She made quite the contrast to the olive-skinned, curvy detective. Annie was wearing a drab one-piece swimsuit. Not too tight, not too baggy, and perfect for smuggling- “S-sorry boss. What you see is what I got…” Drat.

“Don’t tire yourself out, my adorable little scallywags.” A cheerful woman bounced in front of the bound duo. Her dark hair was as prim and proper as befitted her station, a white jacket hanging loosely from her shoulders. She adjusted her matching officer hat into its place and lowered her gloved hand to caress Annie’s chin. “You won’t be able to get away. I know my knots quite well.”

“Urg,” Annie returned a defiant stare, squinting her emerald eyes as the red rays of the morning sun rose over the Mediterranean waves. “You know you can’t win, right? Even if you scamper away in your little boat, someone will help us, and then we’ll tell the authorities of what you did!”

“Ah, quindi parli italiano?

“Ah?”

The cheeky woman giggled. “How can you tell the local authorities if you don’t even speak Italian? Besides, I’m counting on them coming to find you. I even called the mayor of this little dump of a town to come here right now.”

“Want to confess, huh? That does make our job easier.” Laura said, almost growling.

“Sure, I’ll tell him we caught the thieves red-handed. Those swimsuits that you “borrowed” from my cruise? Guess what? They belong to his wife and the chief of police respectively. How do you think they’ll react when they see that you are wearing them?”

“B-but we only borrowed them because our swimsuits… went missing. It was you who stole them!” Laura grumbled, mashing her teeth. “I have evidence-“

“So, have I!” With the flair worthy of a show woman, the captain showcased a pair of suitcases behind her. “Recognize this, you meddling landlubbers? It’s your luggage! And what’s inside?” With a swift kick, both cases were pried open, they were full of swimwear of all kinds. Bikinis, one-pieces, swim trunks, even a wet suit.

“T-that’s yours, I mean not yours! You know what I mean! That’s what you stole!” Annie yelled.

“And yet it was found within your luggage, in your cabin. Do you understand now? I’ve been three steps ahead of you the whole time, detectives!”

“B-but you put it there! This is entrapment!”

“Yes. I had to give up some of my Italian collection, but it’s a small price to pay to make sure I can keep building my World Swimsuit Compendium. Don’t feel too bad detectives. I can always replenish these bad boys in the next cruise line.”

“Why? Seriously, why?”

“Everyone needs a hobby.”

“More like a kink.”

“Oh, save it for the mayor… who I can see is getting closer.” The captain pointed at two silhouettes slowly making their way across the beach. Time was running out.

“You won’t get away with this!” Annie declared. “We’ve been through worse, and we made it out unscathed! We’ll take you down.”

“Oh, pray tell, when?”

“Yes,” Laura narrowed her gaze. “When?”

“Err… remember the case on the theater?”