Thaumaturgical Gastronomy.

“Sabbat whore!” he shrieks, enraged. He screams the tendrils around him are **** off his skin by unseen forces. A small nova of flame erupts from his body, the shadows reeling away and one of them withering into nothing. You command them to attack again, but the strange, green fire around him wards them away enough to only smack him around a little. “You think a little flesh and a cheap shot can kill an Apprentice? Let me educate you!”

He thrusts his hand forward in a closed fist, pointing a … pretty ostentatious, if we’re being honest, gold ring set with emerald at you. You feel something wrap around your body, but when you panic and try to find what it is, no answer offers itself.

“Oh, what kind of X-Men bullshit is thi-“ you exclaim before he hauls off and throws you into the wall across the lot. Your head rings as you crash to the ground. It’s not as bad as it could be, but honestly, it’s still pretty awful. You’re a little surprised Evelyn even survived it if she was just a human. By the time you get to your knees, the vampire looms over you, holding one palm out to you.

“For House and Clan, little shadow!” he hisses as green fire appears in his hand again. As you try to roll away, your legs buckle and you collapse on your side, **** but to brace for being literally set on fire. Well, at least you tried?

Instead, a light whoosh followed by a cry of pain draws your attention back up. The vampire stumbles back, a smoking, burned-out baseball rolling near both of you on the ground. His finger, the one with the ring, has been entirely blown off his body, a bloody (though not oozing, that really is an odd thing about your people) stump the only sign he even had a ring finger on his right had a second ago.

“Sorry, I just saw you waving around that fucking Elton John set piece and thought, ‘boy, I bet that’s important.’ How’d I do?” Evelyn taunts him, panting a little and not absent effort to stand. He growls and casts a hand out to her, but nothing happens. “That looks like a home run. Pardon my pun.” He tries again, this time flames starting to light at Evelyn’s feet, but you manage to grab one of his legs and tug it out from under him. He manages to stand, but it throws his aim off, and streaks of fire skim harmlessly off the concrete next to her. He turns to face you, then pulls you up by the neck, both hands wrapped around it filled with a strength he definitely didn’t have a second ago. His eyes are blank and cold, reminding you of a few particularly nasty shark documentaries, and you’re both certain that even if he dies, he’s taking you with him.

Of course, while submitting to his inner demons may grant strength, it doesn’t exactly grant situational awareness.

“Aaaaaand!” you hear Evelyn’s voice build up a mere second before her bat collides with his head. To your shock and not-inconsiderable horror, most of his skull breaks away and flies across the parking lot, the entire bit now streaking towards a car and the edges of what remains attached charred with an orange glow, a trail of ash leading to his broken face rolling up against a Buick. “He is outta’ here.”

“What the FUCK?!” you yell at her immediately, getting your footing back and ready for her to attack you. Instead, she plants the tip of her bat against the pavement and shrugs.

“It’s a living.” Without addressing you further, she goes to the woman, now shaking her head and trying to remember where the hell she is. Deciding not to complicate matters, you retrieve your clothes and get dressed again. Before pulling down your tank top, you stare at the hole in your torso, but pull it down anyway. What, it’s going to bleed on your shirt? By the time you get back, the woman is gone and Evelyn is hoisting a sports bag over her shoulder.

“Fucking hey!” you yell after her. She turns, looking a little aggravated. “You just STABBED me! We’re not done talking about that! We haven’t STARTED talking about that!”

“I can do it again?”

“First, can you? Because you were toast before I stepped in back there. Second, I just saved your life and you STILL want to kill me?!” Your tone is increasingly incredulous as you try to get any kind of answer you can. Your only lead is rapidly disintegrating in the corner, getting nothing out of this isn’t an option. ‘I mean, you could just make her tell you. Or kill her. Maybe you’ll know if you drink ALL her blood. Still haven’t done that yet.’

“First, I had that under control!” You snort, she glares. “Second! … UGH. Yes, okay, your misguided attempt at helping me was with the intent of saving my life, thank you! I’m sorry I stabbed you! I missed, anyway.” You lift your shirt up and point to the hole. “Your heart, I mean. If I’d hit it, you’d still be pinned up against that wall.” She steps forward, leans down, and squints. “Yeeeaaahhhhh … little too far to the left … my left, your right. But I’m a little tipsy right now, sooooooo.”

“You’re hunting vampires … drunk.”

“Tipsy.”

“Cool. Great. I’m so glad you’re my Van Helsing, I feel like a great Dracula.” She looks at you askance for a moment, then stands straight and folds her arms.

“How long have you been, y’know, dead?”

“Um … five days?” Her eyes bug out at your statement. “What? I don’t know what’s normal, whoever turned me just left me in my bathroom, I almost killed my roommate, and I’m just trying to figure out why this happening.”

“Shit …” she hisses to herself. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Miyagi a bloodsucker. You guys have been messing my town UP lately, and I don’t like the idea of making one of you more competent just because I feel sorry for you.” She throws her hands up. “Whatever. Focus on closing the hole.” You squeeze it together, not very well, with your free hand. “Oh my God.”

“What, you were vague! Like, with my mind?” you ask.

“Yup.” As you do, you hear a strange sound like a fist in ground beef overlaid with a sewing machine and look down to see the hole vanishing before your eyes. “Yeah, that’s going to take some juice out of you, but you guys can just DO that. On top of a bunch of other weird shit, depending on your family tree.”

“Like that ‘mind over matter,’ crap and the green fire?” You tug your tank top back down.

“Blood magic. There’s a whole cult-like thing with vampires who know it, they run super-tight. And tend to be bastards, but not as much as the shadow-pires, like you. Or the meat-pires.” You clearly make a face, given her reaction. “It’s a lot worse than it sounds. Or like the brain suck thing he did to that girl.”

“That I can do.”

“Why didn’t you? Maybe you wouldn’t have gotten stabbed.”

“Because I wanted to have sex with you, not just bite you, and it’s the definition of rapey to MAKE someone sleep with you?” It seems obvious to you, but Evelyn clearly wasn’t expecting that answer.

“Wow, you really are just five days old, huh?” she mumbles, a bit stunned. “Okay, one-time offer, you can.”

“I don’t want to have sex NOW!”

“Not that. Bite me, Marilyn Munster. Just a little. You’re down blood, clearly, and I don’t want you to kill anyone else on the way home, and I can stop you if you get fresh.” There’s something behind what she’s saying besides the affect of disdain and the appearance of being magnanimous, but you’re not entirely sure what. Still, it’s a tempting offer. You are hungry. And you’re SUPER not worried about killing her, though you’re not sure you aren’t worried about her killing you.