That's a damn fine question, oh, omnipotent narrator.

His name is Alex Miller, and his daily routine is rigid as clockwork. Attend his classes, buy overpriced "vegan, organic, homegrown, cage free, GMO free, etc." snacks from the vending machine (the only difference is a green label), and sit at his post at the campus library.

Yeah. Dull as dirt, he knows it all too well. Much better than the other, possibly worse hands that life could deal him with. He'll take purgatory over hell any day of the week, even if it meant constant narcoleptic episodes and crawling into the enigmatic chasms of his own mind to day dream.

Alex used to be more energetic than this. But.. life gets in the way sometimes, you know? He once swam like a fish and could go toe to toe with Triton himself to be crowned the new king of the sea. Kicking off his flip-flops and running on the wet sand is truly liberating, the thin sheet of water on the shoreline shone like glass, marked by his footprints as he entered Neptune's salty embrace. Funny thing that footprints are, huh? All a similar shape, yet each a unique mark of the person they belong to. Proof of humanity's triumph over gravity and into the world of bipedalism. If it weren't for feet, mankind would've probably stayed sheltered amongst the trees like their other ape brethren, living on a planet of beasts.

DAMMIT! Enough of the daydreaming! He's got a ping on Cuttlechat!

UraniumCure: I've got a surprise for you! But it has to be at midnight, okay?

SilicaSiren: how cryptic! is it a gift? are you gonna reveal you're an alien the whole time?

UraniumCure: Yeah, yeah, very funny ya big dummy.

UraniumCure: But

UraniumCure: ..

UraniumCure: ..

SilicaSiren: ?????

UraniumCure: NOT INACCURATE!

SilicaSiren: AH! MARTIAN!

UraniumCure: I vant to suck your blooood!

> CrypticIronsights has entered the chat

SilicaSiren: wait..are you an alien or a vampire?

SilicaSiren: oh! hi, cryptic!

CrypticIronsights: UC! A WORD!

UraniumCure: What? What? How did I fuck up?

CrypticIronsights: Are you seriously sure about this?

UraniumCure: Yeah, we agreed upon it! Remember?

UraniumCure: You said so yourself!

CrypticIronsights: A MAYBE ISN'T A YES!

UraniumCure: But it's not a no..

CrypticIronsights: Jesus.

SilicaSiren: what? whats going on?

SilicaSiren: its like i'm not even here

CrypticIronsights: Well, the cat's already clawed its way right outta the bag yowling and hissing.

CrypticIronsights: Listen, Alex. You're a good kid, and you really don't have to worry about how this midnight "surprise" goes down.

CrypticIronsights: You've already got enough irons in the fire as it is, it's UC and I who have to worry.

UraniumCure: You're seriously overhyping this, we'll be fine! It's only for a little bit!

SilicaSiren: well now i'm worrying for you guys!

CrypticIronsights: FISDGNDWSFH NO!

SilicaSiren: too late! you're my friends and i care about you!

UraniumCure: Awww Alex! I love you too!

CrypticIronsights: ...The feeling's mutual.

CrypticIronsights: Just keep an eye out at midnight, capische?

SilicaSiren: capoosh!

CrypticIronsights: ...it's "Capito" but sure.

UraniumCure: Capoosh x2!

CrypticIronsights: But seriously, I suggest you get back to work. And stop shrimp-posing at your desk! It'll kill you!

SilicaSiren: oh shit! you're right!

SilicaSiren: see you at midnight!

>SilicaSiren has left the chat.

Whew, those guys are always a handful, but it's thanks to them that he can make it through the day. But.. How did Cryptid know Alex was hunching over his keyboard? What kind of “surprise" is it if it could land his buddies in trouble? Is it something illegal? Movie piracy?

Now that he thinks about it, they are pretty mysterious, but Cryptic’s always hyper-paranoid about internet safety and anonymity. Makes sense given that every web browser and their mother’s hungry for personal information even if he’s known them for months now, he’d expect to at least know their first names.

“Hey uh..hey.”

A meek student stood at the front desk, bunching her shoulders together. Her big, nervous eyes darted around the room.

“Oof! Hello, did you want to borrow this?”

What was that? A muscle spasm? His leg jerked awake and kicked the bottom of the desk, waking him from another daydream.

“Yes please, it's for an assignment. Are you okay? You looked like you were asleep.”

“Nah, don’t worry about me, ‘happens all the time.”

Alex responded as he scanned her student ID and the stamped barcode on the book. He then slid it back to her over the desk.

“Should be due August 9th.”

“Thanks!”

As the young lady walked away, Alex noted the time. Good news! Almost time to clock out! He did a quick cursory scan of the area, searching for his things- huh? His phone is on the ground, he could’ve stepped on it if he wasn’t careful. Not like he isn’t used to it. He’s got particularly bad luck with dropping it, its routine at this point.