Tell him

As I looked him in the eyes, I realized I had to tell him. Anything less would be a betrayal on its own. If we really loved each other, we would have to work through this. I couldn't base a relationship on lies. I tried to speak, but I found the words stuck in my throat. Looking down at his shoes, and breathing heavily, I was close to having a panic attack. The next thing I knew, I was pressed into his chest in a strong embrace.

"It's okay Em," he said tenderly as he stroked my hair. Tears were running down my cheeks as I started sobbing. I don't know for how long he stood there holding me, but finally I felt a bit calmer. Stepping away from him, and wiping some tears, I took a deep breath and told him.

"I did something horrible tonight. I got too impassioned by the debate. Brandon invited me too his room to continue, and like a fool I followed him." Jamie was staring wide-eyed at me, apprehension on his face. "When in his room... I... I lost control. I sucked him off."

Apprehension was replaced by hurt and confusion. He was looking at me like he had never seen me before.

"I'm so sorry! I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but right now guilt is crushing me..."

Hand to his face, Jamie turned away from me. Shaking his head and walking in circles, he was muttering something too low for me to hear.

"I don't know what to think," he finally said. "Right now there's just pain." My heart broke as I saw the expression on his face.

"I need some time, I can't talk to you right now."

With that he turned around and started walking away. Having walked about ten paces he stopped.

"We'll talk later, okay?"

Not waiting for an answer he strode away.