Tara

"Hey."

"Hey back." Xander said with a nod of his head.

Tara nodded at him and then sat down beside him in the now abandoned magic shop. And for awhile they just sat and endured the quiet.

"When did life start sucking extra hard?" Xander finally asked.

Tara just let out a soft sigh.

"I know I fucked up. I know I should have told Anya about my fears before I proposed... But I said something before we started seriously planning a wedding." Xander defended himself. "I' m not a big enough of a dick to leave her at the alter or whatever."

Tara reached out and patted his back with a comforting hand.

"So why the.... How the.... With Spike of all people! Here of all places!" Xander slammed his hand down on the table top. He glared at the tabletop, "We need to burn this table."

Tara just kept rubbing his back.

"First Buffy then Anya! What the hell is wrong with.... Fucking Spike." Xander put his head in his hands.

"It will be okay." Tara said with a small voice. "Eventually."

Xander laughed bitterly, "Tara, as the only non fucked up person in our circle of friends, I envy your optimism. Me, Wills, Buffy, Anya... hell, even Dawn's not been the same since Joyce almost died from that brain tumor. Do you really think it can get better."

Tara leaned into him and gave him a one armed hug, "Of course it can. Things can always get better."

It slipped out. Normally he had it under tighter control but he was distracted and maybe was being slightly petty in wanting to know how Tara really felt. For just a fraction of a second Xander used the power inherent in his voice. "Tell me how you really feel."

"I think your being overly dramatic. I think other people have it harder than you. But I think your allowed to be upset. I think your mostly just dealing with the shock of betrayal. And once that shock is past you'll move on and deal with things like an adult." Tara answered honestly and then blushing she ducked her head and shrugged slightly.

The implied acting like a baby kind of wrankled. But Xander had to admit he was throwing a tantrum. Still there was one thing he did want to know. Tara had forgiven Willow for her magical transgressions so easily. They were on a break while Willow did magic rehab but the implied reunion was there. Did Tara really forgive that easily or was it something else. It meant using the voice again but he had to know. But he needed to know. If Tara could forgive Willow maybe he could forgive Anya.

"And how do you really feel about Willow?"

Tara slumped and leaned into his shoulder. "I don't know. I want to forgive her. I'm trying to forgive her. I know she loves me. But it's.... I... I mean it's not totally her fault. Magic is addicting. It can be hard to stop. I want to believe her but she's lied to me- to us- before. But I don't want to be alone anymore... we were so happy... and maybe we can be happy again."

Xander nodded his head and reaching out an arm he now patted her on the back. That was the thing about magic. It was why he used the Voice so sparringly. It got easier and easier to use it. And then he ended up with all the women in town trying to kill him because they loved him because he didnt keep a tight leash on the power and used the Voice stupidly.

"But do they love their **** of choice more than you?" Xander asked.

Tara looked at him questioningly.

"You've never met my Dad the Drunk or my Mom with her little 'pep' pills." Xander grimaced. "Its a shocking thing to realize as a kid that you aren't the most important thing in your parents life. I think I was ten when I realized that they were never going to follow thru on their promises and stay sober."

Tara looked at him with sad eyes.

He gave her a look of sympathy in return. It was the hard thing to do and not change his parents with the power of his voice. But he had made his iron clad rule. Only when someone is going to die. Life or **** only. Like Joyce and her Tumor or Buffy and that damned portal. An occasional slip up was fine. No one was perfect all day everyday. Like today with Tara. But as long as he reigned it in and didnt say anything dumb it was okay.

"I love them. They are my folks. But... we dont really have a relationship. And the urge to forge on gets smalled and smaller every year."

He had an answer now. Tara wanted to forgive and move on but she wasn't. Not really. Even the best of the Scoob's was still human afterall. Not a saint among them. He didn't need to feel like shit for not forgiving Anya immediately.

He for half a second felt the temptation he had everday. To use the voice. To fix the problem. But he had his rule. And he would never use the voice to change her mind, free will was too important.

"So what are you going to do?" Tara asked.

"What are you going to do?" He sassed back.

Tara took a deep breath and straightened up, "I dont know. Any suggestions?"

Xander considered for a second. The first thing that came to mind was something Tara would never do. Tara the lesbian hopping into the sack with him for some **** sex was a non starter. The 2nd was just to go buck wild and let the chips fall where they may. Not that Tara was the 'wild and crazy' type naturally.

Well, he could change that.

She deserved some fun.

And it was only a little change.

What could go wrong?

"You should go have some fun, do something wild, something that you would normally never do."

Xander watched as the voice went to work on Tara and a mischievous look came to her face as Tara gave him a once over.

Curious at her sudden smile Xander asked, "What?"