Take the risk

(Serious trigger warning. This chapter is about sexual healing, but it deals with recalling some very terrible things in order to get past them. If you don't want to read such things, just skip to the next chapter after I write it 5 years from now. I'll be sure to summarize.)

I swear the stairs feel a mile long. It was bad enough that she froze again when I stood up, but 3 steps further and the air began to stink of fear; sweat, and a sickly acidic tingle. I keep my eyes down, and breathe slowly. Sheila squirms where she is sitting but doesn't run, even as the stink gets thicker and I sit myself next to her as close as I dare. The soft fur of her arm rises and falls gently with her breathing and tickles my side. "Tell me everything." I say softly, not quite looking her in the eye. For a few long seconds she only stares, so I take hold of her hand; causing her whole body to seize. Still, I don't let go. "I can't understand unless you tell me."

"Denial." She finally whispers.

"As in... no orgasms?" I ask, confused.

I watch her face as she considers my question and suddenly she's looking THROUGH me, not at me. "One." She answers. "First Master was handsome. Expensive clothes, sharp hair. I was excited. Cried when collared. Went to new home, and was happier. Master wanted a ****, I wanted to serve. First denial was freedom. Learned to cook, learned to wait until asked. Smile and assist, happy for everyone. I was MADE to be that way, so it was easy. May have learned too fast, to easy. Master liked to teach." As she speaks, she guides my hand to her neck and my knuckles brush the fuzzy skin. It's faint, but I can feel an indentation in the skin from where her first collar apparently had been.

All the things I want to do to her in this moment fight for a place in line, but I somehow hold them all down and listen.

"Next came denial of 'no'." She takes a few more breaths and guides my hand to her shoulder and I feel a cleft beneath the fur. She lets go, and I gently slide my fingers along the divot in her skin that leads into a spiderweb pattern of scars hidden from view. As I listen, I try to make a map in my head of the lines I feel. She shivers and bumps on her skin raise up beneath my touch. "Master whipped, Master tickled, used... FIRST Master used," she corrected herself and pinched her fingers together a few times, "... clippy things. Not supposed to say 'no', learn to enjoy. Had to learn to think differently, to understand different feelings." She swings her hand a few times while making snapping noises, then holds up two fingers and makes a buzzing noise, then something like wrapping a rope around her wrists, finally something that looks like pouring water.

I switch to my whole hand and rub her back gently, and she gives a light squeak every time I get close to her tail. "What did he do when you didn't learn?"

"Did learn, did enjoy."

My hands stops on her lower back as I process.

Trembling, she takes my arm again and slides my hand beneath her tail. I feel a few patches of bare skin and soft fuzz, then my thumb flicks over her nipple and I feel a large hole pierced through it. Somehow, she looks flushed and her eyes become moist. "Then, Denial of pleasure. Metal belt, metal cups, no more sex. Strange. Learned to accept always... wanting. First Master still gave pleasure, but never gave enough. First Master smiled when I begged. I liked First Masters smile."

I can't see what I'm doing, but I don't need to. Her heart starts to pound as I slide my hand over her breasts. At first searching for damage and details, but then a soft 'coo' escapes her lips and I press my fingers into her lightly. She starts shaking harder at this and her breathing becomes shallow as she starts losing herself to the sensations. Almost guiltily, I flick her nipple again to snap her out of it. "Please continue." Her only response is to shake her head. Visibly shaking, barely breathing, and still afraid of me deep inside. "Continue, that's an order!" I say with a commanding tone.

Her head snaps up, and her eyes go wide with shock. I can't tell you how much I hated myself in this moment, but I stare back with a firm gaze. She stops blinking, and her eyes seem to be made of glass, but her soft hand slides over mine and gently pushes downward. My hand quickly comes to rest on top of her thighs, and they are squeezed together impossibly tight as an intense heat radiates up from her groin. I'm only able to get a single finger between her legs, and she gasps as her arousal almost burns my skin. Her right hand returns to hugging her tail, as her left grabs my arm.

"Denial of desire came next. Could not want. Could not resist. Master started doing things I wouldn't have wanted. Shaving fur to expose skin. Was naked at one point. First were the pointy things. In one side, out the other. Sometimes they left things behind. Things to pull on. I screamed. Next came the pointy pictures. Can't see them now. Made pictures and words on skin. Bad pictures, but can't read. Then I was bad."

"Bad?" I **** myself to ask as my finger rhythmically slid up and down over her slit.

She nodded with a moan. "I begged for mercy. I was bad."

"God..." I growled, moving my finger faster and harder. Like it could somehow erase the memories. Her neck goes weak and falls onto my shoulder, then she nuzzles me hard.

"I learned after the hot things. Stopped begging, stopped making noise. Learned to accept. After that..."

I shove my finger into her without warning and rub as hard as I can. With my other hand I pull her face to mine and press my lips to hers as hard as I can. The effect is instantaneous as she immediately screams into my mouth. Her entire body clenches into a tight ball like a fist as the pleasure of her climax slams into her. I feel her run out of air, but she continues to try to cry out for over a minute. Then I feel her start to go limp, so I stop. I slide my finger out from inside her and release her chin. Her head falls on to my shoulder again and she draws a shallow breath as I pet her hair.

"Deny Soul. Live in cage, in the dark. Plug for my mouth, ears, nose." Her words are raspy and quiet as she gulps in air. "Thing covered my eyes. Sometimes toy, sometimes furniture. Then, only the cage."

I can't speak, so I lay my head on hers.

"Then came home. Never saw First Master again. Told not to ask."

"You're mine now." I whisper. "I promise to help you forget it all."

"Yes, Master." She replies as I feel a tear roll down my arm.