Swings and Roundabouts

Jonah and Kendra’s date was pleasant for the both of them. The tension that Jonah was carrying throughout the night slowly dissipated as he grew more comfortable around his date. He truly let go when Kendra laughed at a funny-looking fish in the aquarium. You don’t laugh at funny fish when you are putting on airs. It’s impossible. Liking fish isn’t a cool trait. Joie de vivre isn’t cool in the popular sense, but it is far more rewarding. Jonah also thought the fish was funny-looking. It glowed, and its fish face puffed as it swam like it was trying to hold its breath.

After the aquarium, the two took a leisurely walk on the beach. Kendra had removed her shoes and let the sand get between her toes. It was late into the night now, but the weather was still warm, and plenty of streetlamps illuminated the area.

“You’ve never had Big Belly Burger!” Kendra exclaimed during a conversation about sandwiches. “What? Do you live under a rock?”

Jonah tried to explain himself. Come up with an excuse that didn’t involve his being from a different universe.

“Sorry.” Kendra avoided eye contact with him.

Jonah recognized that look. It was the look you give when you’re embarrassed about when you know something you shouldn’t. The feeling when you say something behind someone’s back, and it bites you.

“You read my file.” Jonah said with a deep breath.

“Yes.” Kendra said seriously, “I had to know what I was getting myself into.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“I understand. Well, I can try to understand. To listen.” Kendra offered.

“Now you know that I don’t belong here.” Jonah gestured all around him. There was no space accessible, which he wasn’t referring to. “That I’m an alien.”

“I’ve known many aliens, which has never meant anything to me. The Justice League is filled with aliens who have found their way.”

Jonah was silent except for the sound of sand collapsing beneath his feet.

“What’s your universe like? Do you miss it?” Kendra held onto Jonah’s arm, sensing his solemness.

“Miss it? No way in hell.” Jonah said curtly. He looked at Kendra's face. She was listening to him. “My universe is similar in shape and history to yours except for heroes. We have metahumans, mind you, but they are all registered and controlled by government institutions.” Jonah rubbed his wrist as if imagining a phantom pain flaring from the past. Kendra opened her mouth to speak, but Jonah continued. “Anything copyrightable is different, strangely enough. Companies, Pop culture, stuff like that. So, no Big Belly Burger.” Jonah finished with a fake smile.

“It must be hard. Even the most creature comforts are gone to you.”

“It’s strange.” Jonah shrugged. “I don’t miss being there, but sometimes I miss the simplest things. Silly things even. The other day, I was craving a whopper. You believe that?”

Kendra’s blank expression was an answer enough.

“No, of course you wouldn’t.”

“I hate to ask.” Kendra started, “But, have you tried finding yourself?”

“Like meditating on a mountain? I was never into that new ag-”

“No, I mean.” Kendra interjected, “If you are from a different parallel earth, is there a Jonah Richardson on this one?”

Jonah didn’t even wait for her to finish before looking it up. Social media, newspapers, whatever he could get on his phone. Where was he?

Some hours later, Gotham City at the crack of dawn on the east coast. The cool winds from the Atlantic Ocean hung on the city's outskirts, settling into thick fog clouds.

Jonah stood in a graveyard. A few paces behind him was Kendra. Standing in front of him, written in stone, was the answer he was looking for.

‘Jonah Richardson

Beloved son and brother

1998-2016’

“I’m sorry Jonah.” Kendra was the only person in the graveyard other than him.

Hearing her say his name was a gentle comfort to seeing it displayed before him. He was alive, and he wasn’t. Jonah wasn’t sure what sort of life his counterpart had. From what little he could gather from the internet, it was better. But that didn’t matter. He was gone, replaced by a doppelganger. It's such a shame he died so young. It was typical for metahumans. That didn’t make it any less tragic whether he was one or not.

“Beloved.” Jonah broke the silence.

“Pardon?”

“I was nobody’s beloved on my earth.” Jonah explained. “No parents, no siblings. If I died there, nobody would have even noticed. Nobody would even care.”

Jonah remembered how he got to this earth. The alien planet he was sent to fight on. They probably think he’s dead. Lying face down in the mud—another statistic.

Kendra approached him from behind. She was wearing her jacket but was still shivering. It was cold. Far colder than Hawaii. Jonah didn’t have a coat. He thought he deserved the pain. It was the least he could do.

Kendra took his hand and placed it in her jacket pocket with her hand. It was warm.

“Maybe you came here for a reason. To fill this void.”

“Maybe.”

“Would you like me to stay with you?” Kendra said knowingly.

“I’d rather be alone right now.” Jonah said, not knowing any alternative.

“Ok.”

Kendra left. Jonah didn’t watch her go. His eyes remained transfixed on his own name, looking back at him. Jonah sent her away because he thought he had to be alone, and she wouldn’t understand the depth of the strange sadness that engulfed him. However, who else would understand but Hawkgirl? How many graves had she visited from past lives? What new worlds had the passage of time **** parts of her soul to become alien?

Only when Jonah was truly alone did he let go. His legs collapsed below him. The ground was cold, with mud hiding under a thin layer of frozen dew. The view became blurring as tears welled in his eyes. Jonah cried. He cried for two. He mourned the life gone and the life he didn’t get. He never had time to think about what his life could have been. When was the last time he let himself cry?

Life is a game of swings and roundabouts.