Superstar Tatiana

“Is this how it ends?”

Tatiana felt the water wash away all the sand and sweat from her body, the soothing warm flow easing the aching muscles. While being sore was nothing new, her being this tired was. She thought back to her practice. The drills and exercises had always been easy since she was a teenager. But being a mother changed everything for her, including her body.

She had taken two months off from volleyball after having Kris. She’d waited like her doctors told her to. But now here she was, playing for the Austin Bats, and it was ****. Last season, she’d won a league title, not like it meant much for her family given how small the league was. This season, it was like she’d been traded to a new body. Running was now a chore with her wider hips and larger breasts, no matter how much she stuck to her routine. She tired quickly, and to further bruise her ego, Tatiana constantly leaked milk, no matter how much she emptied them.

Sliding out of the shower, she looked at herself in the mirror. Wide hips, large breasts and stretch marks had dramatically altered her once-great body, the body of a typical mother. The body of a woman who would face the ever-creeping finality of her career.

Tatiana let out a defeated sigh, eyeing herself up and down before slipping back into street clothes.

“Is this how it ends?”

***

Tatiana tried to ease her mind as she pulled her car into the driveway. She sat there for several minutes as she readied herself for domestic duties. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. The house was dark and silent, which was unusual, as normally Devin would watch the baby or stay up late making phone calls, negotiating contracts for his modeling business. She walked further into the house, looking for a light switch to illuminate her surroundings.

She flipped the switch and gasped. Across the span of the living room was a massive yellow banner, reading “Happy Birthday Tati”.

“SURPRISE!” People from across the room jumped out from hiding places: siblings, aunts, uncles, and friends. In the center stood her husband and baby boy. Kris reached out, wanting his mother’s touch. She walked over and gave Devin and Chris a big hug, taking Kris’s little hand in hers and smiling.

“What do you think? I got burritos from Izzy’s.”

“Oh sweetie, you know how I enjoy that, and today’s been a long day.” She smiled, satisfied, and looked at her family.

***

The last party guests had long left, Kris was in his crib, and Tatiana was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. The food was good. The family was great. But all they seemed to care about was Kris. He might have been her everything, yet it was her birthday party. And she had a career as a decent athlete.

“Something on your mind, love? You’re staring up at the ceiling. Just tired?” Devin’s voice coming from next to her in bed pierced her reverie.

“...Yeah,” Tati replied, a bit flat.

“I know when something else is going on… Tell me, dear, what is it?”

“I love Kris, and he’s so much to me, but… I can’t help but feel like it was his birthday party, not mine.”

“Of course. You know, he’s the star attraction. He’s new, and everybody loves babies.”

“You wouldn’t love them quite so much if they did all this to your body…” She sighed loudly. “Worst season I’ve had since going pro. It’s like I have a whole new me, and I don’t like it.”

“Tati, you wanted to be a mother…”

“Yes, I did, but I also didn’t think it would do all this to me. Becoming a mother shouldn’t be the end of who you are.” She let out a loud sigh. “When I tell people I play women’s pro volleyball, sometimes they laugh at me. Imagine this now. If this keeps up not even my own coach will take me seriously. Then what?”

“Sweetheart, I want to help, I really do, but…with my business alone, I make triple your income. Maybe… maybe it’s time to be a housewife. Besides, Kris is still small and needs his mother.”

As much as she hated his logic, Tatiana knew he was right. She turned to her left, seeing her trophy wall. It was stuffed full of her accomplishments, starting from the age of eight until just last year. That wall was 20 years of her life crystallized in trophies, plaques, and ribbons. Now her life was reduced to a source of nurture and nutrients for another person. Her diet was not for better performance but for the baby. Having Kris had been a blessing, yes, but it was a blessing that hurt other things she loved dearly.

“It’s just…it’s not fair. My career is coming to an end because of biology. If yours stops, it would be because you got old or injured. Female athletes have more pressure from not only our own bodies, but even other women don’t support us. Stadiums fill every day around the world to see the men on a level of performance I can’t even begin to understand.” She was quiet, waiting for Devin to say something; when he didn’t, she continued. “Take me, for example. Because of Kris, my hips are wider, and my breasts are bigger, not to mention constantly leaking.” Tatiana could feel her husband’s eyes staring at her chest with lust as she uttered the last words.

“Now compare that to a man. Steph Curry has kids, right? Lots of pro male athletes do. Doesn’t affect them one bit. I could have had Kris and been the same old self. But nope.” Another loud sigh. “Once upon a time, I was Tatiana Flores, volleyball player and pretty girl. I was someone. Now I’m just another mother. I even look like my mom did when she was my age, in a sea of other women that produced the next generation. I didn’t even look all that different from all the other neighborhood moms at the party, did I?”

She felt Devin’s hand cup her face from beneath turning her head in his direction. She felt his lips press firmly against her own, and some of the tension she felt melted away. “I know this is a bigger change than you were expecting,” he began softly, “but can you at least try for me and Kris?” What else is there for me to do? she thought.

Tatiana looked into her husband’s eyes. Her conviction was beginning to fold. “Just…hold me, will you?”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” They lay in each other’s embrace, watching the stars through the window. In the night sky a bright beam of light flashed. “Perfect timing, huh? Make a birthday wish.”

As she drifted off, Tatiana softly muttered, “I wish I could be Tatiana Flores again and still be a mom.”

“You… want your maiden name again? What’s wrong with mine, Tatiana Walker?”

“Before you made me Mrs. Mom, I was an athlete, remember? Would be nice having that back, but hey. It’s only a wish, right?”

Devin began to stroke her hair, the soothing sensation lulling her further to sleep.