Strange days and Quiet Nights

The first few weeks at Blackthorn Manor were almost disappointingly normal.

Almost.

No assassins.

No lizardmen.

No vampire hunters.

No ancient monsters trying to kick in the front gate.

Just training, routine, and the slow realization that life had somehow become very strange.

Joey still wasn't entirely sure when it happened.

One day he had been working a register at Burger Chief.

Now he lived in a fortified supernatural mansion with a vampire, a reincarnating bird goddess, an AI butler, and a half-ogre shop owner who felt she was entitled to come and go when she wanted. Not that Joey had a problem with that, but she did find in opportune times to stop by.

Life was never dull.

---

Most mornings began with training.

Cassandra insisted.

"Again."

Joey groaned as he picked himself off the grass for what felt like the hundredth time.

The manor's courtyard had become their training ground.

Sword practice.

Knife work.

Firearms.

Fitness.

Situational awareness.

And most importantly, how to use the enhanced senses Cassandra's bite had awakened.

"You rely too heavily on your eyes," Cassandra said.

"I have eyes. They seem useful."

"They are useful."

"Good."

"They are not your only tool."

Joey sighed dramatically.

"Why do all supernatural teachers talk like fortune cookies?"

Taylor laughed from where she sat on the stone wall watching.

The sound immediately distracted Joey.

Which was exactly why Cassandra swept his legs out from under him.

He hit the grass.

Again.

Taylor tried—and failed—not to giggle.

"Traitor."

"I warned you."

"You absolutely did not."

"I did emotionally."

"That isn't a thing."

Cassandra smirked.

"It is now."

---

The evenings were considerably better.

Particularly when Taylor stayed over.

Joey had been nervous at first.

Terrified, actually.

The relationship between himself, Cassandra, and Taylor still felt new.

Still fragile.

But weeks without disaster had given them room to breathe.

Room to figure things out.

Taylor had become surprisingly affectionate.

Not aggressively.

Not possessively.

Just... comfortably.

A hand finding his while they watched movies.

Her head resting on his shoulder during long conversations.

Occasional kisses that somehow still made Joey forget his own name.

The fact she was technically a six-hundred-year-old bird goddess did not help his ability to remain calm at all.

One evening Cassandra had walked into the library and found Taylor curled against Joey reading a book.

Taylor's feet had been in Joey's lap.

Joey had been absentmindedly playing with her hair.

Neither had realized how domestic they looked until Cassandra started laughing.

"What?" Joey asked.

"You two are adorable."

Taylor immediately hid her face.

Joey turned red.

Cassandra continued laughing for almost five minutes.

---

Meanwhile...

Greta's shop remained complete chaos.

Which was now technically Joey's workplace.

Officially his job title was:

Artifact Identification Specialist.

Unofficially:

Guy Who Touches Things to Find Out How Much They are worth, and it might kill him.

It was a working title.

Joey suspected the second title was more accurate.

---

One Tuesday afternoon Greta dropped a small silver ring onto the counter.

"What does this do?"

Joey stared.

"You don't know?"

"Nope."

"That seems unsafe."

Greta shrugged.

"That's why you're here."

Joey hated how much sense that made.

The ring looked harmless.

Simple silver band.

Tiny emerald.

Nothing unusual.

He slipped it onto his finger.

Immediately a voice whispered in his ear.

"You should buy the blue shirt."

Joey jumped.

"What the hell?"

"Blue is your color."

Greta looked interested.

"What's it doing?"

"It just gave me fashion advice."

Silence.

Then:

"Also invest in renewable energy."

Joey blinked.

The ring continued.

"And call your mother more often."

"...My mother is dead."

"Then that advice is no longer applicable."

Greta burst out laughing.

---

The Helpful Ring turned out to be exactly that.

A magical item that compulsively offered advice.

Constantly.

Relentlessly.

Most of it useful.

Some of it questionable.

A little of it terrifyingly

[accurate.

By the end of the day Joey had learned:

• Three winning lottery numbers.
• Two recipes.
• How to improve his sword stance.
• Why Harold's favorite color was apparently navy blue.

Nobody had even known Harold had a favorite color.

---

The sword incident happened three days later.

Which was somehow worse.

Greta brought out a magnificent broad sword.

Ancient.

Beautiful.

Covered in runes.

Clearly magical.

"Try this one."

Joey carefully picked it up.

The moment he did—

the sword started vibrating.

"What is it doing?!" Joey yelled

Greta listens for a couple of seconds...

"You don't want to know" she replies, failing to cover the smirk

"Just tell me" Joey said

"The sword has declared that it is in love with you."'

"What?!" Joey sputtered "get it away from me!"

It refuses to leave.

Joey walked inside to get away from it.

The sword floated in right behind Joey.

All of a sudden Joey is struck with something small covered in plastic.

A condom

Harold:

"Alert. Sentient weapon has entered mating season."

Joey:

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!"

---

The haunted mirror was somehow the worst.

Or best.

Depending on perspective.

Joey found it in a back storeroom.

Large.

Ornate.

Covered in dust.

When he cleaned it off, his reflection smiled.

Joey did not.

"Absolutely not."

The reflection rolled its eyes.

"Coward."

Joey immediately covered it with a blanket.

The reflection somehow spoke through the blanket.

"Still a coward."

Greta found him ten minutes later arguing with furniture.

Which was, apparently, not even close to the strangest thing she'd seen that month.

---

Later that evening Joey returned to Blackthorn Manor carrying the Helpful Ring, The sword floated behind him.

He found Cassandra and Taylor sitting together on one of the balcony terraces.

The sunset painted everything gold.

Taylor looked up first.

Her smile immediately brightened.

And for reasons Joey still didn't fully understand—

that smile always made difficult days better.

"How was work?"

Joey held up the ring.

"It insulted me six times and gave me tax advice."

Taylor laughed.

Cassandra looked intrigued.

"Was the advice accurate?"

"Unfortunately."

The ring immediately spoke.

"You should kiss the bird goddess."

Taylor turned crimson.

Joey nearly dropped it.

Cassandra started laughing so hard she almost spilled her wine.

The ring wasn't finished.

"The vampire would also enjoy this outcome."

Taylor buried her face in her hands.

Joey looked ready to jump off the balcony.

Cassandra was no help whatsoever.

---

As the sun finally disappeared beyond the trees, Joey found himself leaning comfortably between the two women.

Taylor's hand resting in his.

Cassandra's shoulder pressed lightly against his.

Peaceful.

For now.

And maybe that was enough.

Because somewhere out there, Leviathan was still searching.

Somewhere out there, danger was waiting.

But tonight?

Tonight there were no battles.

No hunters.

No monsters.

Just laughter.

Embarrassment.

Bad magical artifacts.

And people who cared about each other.

For the first time in a very long time—

that felt like more than enough.