Stop dragon shaming

“I think congratulations are in order, Gina.”

“WHAT!”

“With this chapter, Zeebop has tied the record for most received reviews at an astounding 11.”

“Oh, yeah? Who’s the other fuck?”

“unknown.”

“Of course.”

“Let this be a lesson for everyone who is hesitant of requesting a follow up. We here at Marcie and Gina Reads serve you as many times as it takes to prove your inferiority.”

“So, what are we reading this time from dick-girl guy? Lemme guess, it involves dickgirls and superheros.”

“Actually, no. This is the continuation and conclusion of Pipe-Weed Dreams”

“Oh, right. The Orc one.”

“We did receive an answer chapter for our previous review but…”

“You know Marcie, sometimes I do wonder if I actually like dick biting or if I just like the idea of liking dick biting.”

“That is a very philosophical question, Gina.”

“Yeah, and I hate that I have to ponder it because these two sluts gave us nothing else to work with! Start bitching, you bitches!”

“I do think it is cute that they think we mean well, though.”

“pfft!!!”

“Ah well, at least you made Gina laugh. Let us start this follow up.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

Búrzi dropped something on my chest. The kitten had grown and filled out, and her fur had darker stripes, shiny black on black, in the sunlight. With the tiny crescent moon out, she was little more than a shadow with luminescent eyes. I could feel her weight on my stomach, and she was still silent. My free hand went to the wet thing on my chest.

It was a slightly pointed ear.

“Reading this is fucking exhausting!”

“Good start.”

“I always have to go back a few paragraphs to get what the fuck dickgirl-guy actually meant! Why is there a fucking ear there? Oh it’s because the cat dragged a fucking severed ear into the bedroom like some sort of trophy! How about you write this out clearly, you fuck!”

“There is a very peculiar style to the storytelling. Zeebop provides you with all the information but you have to pierce that information together yourself. That is on top of the very descriptive nature of the prose. I can certainly see people of a dimmer mind struggling with this.”

“It’s fucking exhausting is what it is.”

“As we last left of...”

“Ro was murdering the shit out of people! And that’s what she keeps doing here! Which is great!”

“Now, now Gina we can talk about your wanton craving for **** later. First, our lesbian protagonists get a new roommate.”

“Yeah some bitch boi Orc twink. Why does this sound very familiar, Marcie?”

“It does seem very close to our own arrangement with Cutie, does it not? Not that I can blame them. Any lesbian couple needs a cute femboy to spice things up.”

“Marcie, of all the dumb shit I had to suffer from you...”

“Bebe is a **** Ash picked up from some local slavers. The girls free him of course, although I do not think Bebe quite understands the concept of freedom as he still acts mostly as a manservant.”

“I know and I hate it.”

“Yes, Orc femboys just do not do it for me either. And the name Bebe reminds me of the french exchange student from Persona 3. I never liked that social link. Or the french.”

“Fucks’s sake. Let’s get back to the murdering already.”

“Right. The group that sold Bebe decides to have their twink and eat it too as they invade the home.”

“Bad mistake. The two girls **** the fuck out of them while Bebe gets **** like the loser he is.”

“Gina...”

“What? I can’t believe I say this about a dickgirl-guy story but this is super hot!”

“I do not think this was meant to be arousing.”

“We are talking about dickgirl-guy here, of course it was.”

“Bebe is traumatized, not from the **** actually but the brutal killing spree. So the girls decide to soothe him with sex. It is quite adorable, it makes me want to traumatize Cutie too.”

“And you call me twisted?”

“Perhaps we should continue?”

“Yeah, yeah. So, the dwarf nerd cripple tranny-lover Jitterleaf rapes Ro’s brain.”

“I do not even know were to start with this one.”

“Heh, nice.”

“Actually, I do. The name is Looseleaf not Jitterleaf. That is a narcotic from the King Edward story.”

“MAYBE, I WANT TO READ THE KING EDWARD STORY AGAIN, OK?”

“Oh my.”

ALEXANDRA, YOU STUPID BIPOLAR BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN DOING! STOP BEING A DIPSHIT AND GET BACK TO WRITING!”

“Gina, please focus at the task at hand.”

“Ugh fine, so cripple dwarf…”

“Hobbit.”

“Whatever. The Hobbit dwarf hacker hacks itself into Ro’s brains or some shit in order to tell her she needs to go after the big bad who constantly sends mercs to **** them. I could have told them that 10 chapters ago but whatever.”

“It is a bit more complicated then that but indeed. Rowana finally goes on a Dragon hunt. Since the have only one one ring, she goes in alone.”

“So Ro infiltrates the base, kills some sewer spiders and kicks fucking ass!”

Stock certificates and credsticks were littered among the piles of gold, gems, and shed scales. The body was blue-grey, scales like polished slate that rose to a crest along its spine. Thick transparent cables descended from the ceiling and plugged into its skull, the bundles of optical fibers pulsed with light. There was a listless sort of quality as the sinuous neck rose, and the glowing, golden lies opened, to shed a pale light on the assembled.

“I like that the dragon has stock certificates among his horde. Very whimsical.”

“Uhu, but this Dragon doesn’t do shit! He just sits on his ass while his minions attack!”

“I do not think dragons normally sit on their...ehem posterior. That would look rather silly.”

“This loser definitely does! He even gets a seizure from watching too much porn! This is the lamest dragon ever!”

“I was rather disappointed by this sad display myself. Rowana does not even have intercourse with Legere.”

“...”

But, dull drake aside, Rowana does not emerge out of this confrontation unscathed. In fact she ends up almost mortally wounded.”

“Yeah, I blame Bob the blob for that. Why the fuck does she suddenly have to carry that thing back?”

“My, Gina. And here I thought you liked slimegirls.”

Ropey hands on the ends of tentacles slid out as an amorphous body oozed onto the floor. I got an impression of too many eyes, too many limbs. There was something wrong with its head. Metal plates screwed into the flesh, around the eye sockets. Then the voice came again. Not Looseleaf's. The other hacker. Carvedinstone.

“That thing...is not a slimegirl.”

"Bob! Grab her!"

“The story begs to differ.”

*The following expletive was deleted for: Ableism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, misandry, dragon-shaming, ****, Arachnophobia, redundancy, religious sacrilege and anti Tolkien sentiments.*

“From here we switch to the perspective of Ash. Sort off. The following chapters are all written accounts of the Orc to her girlfriend. Love Letters if you will. Very Tolkienesque.”

“I’m about to tolk your ass.”

“Gina, you can not invent words.”

“Bleh. Ro gets saved by a passing elf. Somehow. Actually, I have a question, Marcie.”

“Yes, Gina?”

“Was that elf Dumbledore?”

“Out of everything that came out of your mouth today, Gina, that somehow was the most offensive.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyways, everyone is happy and then they have a big sex party to celebrate. The end.”

“And thus the story comes to a satisfying conclusion.”

Well. I don't know about all that. All I do know is that whoever reads this will know the whole tale.

“That’s a fucking lie. The fuck’s up with Bob the blob and all these random ass fifty billion hackers who suddenly show up at the end?”

“Ah, yes Gina, that is actually a good segue to talk about a certain interesting artistic choice Zeebop employed with this story. One that will illuminate all your outstanding grievances.”

“Actually, if you excuse me, I just remembered that I have yet to vomit.”

“As we have said already in our previous review, you are ever so often given the option to switch to a different point of view. You would be excused to think these are merely supplementary in nature, but in reality they are a full blown narrative, equal in length to the main branch and very much required reading to fully comprehend this story.”

“Is that why everything is confusing as shit in this?”

“Well, partially I suppose. My point is, this setup should have been made more clear from the start. It is an interesting idea, but the way it was presented made things more confusing then they needed to be.”

“ok.”

“We could of course always read these other branches…”

“Marcie, I am not going to read 50 chapters about a cripple dwarf and her tranny boyfriend.”

“Gina, might I remember you that the individual you so freely throw slurs at is both able and willing to hack your brain?”

“Get off my ass! I even liked this story!”

“You sure did not act like it.”

“That’s how I always act, Marcie.”

“Fair point. Well, our listeners have about the mental acuity of Gollum, so let me state it plainly: This is an excellent fanfiction and a love letter to Tolkien.”

“Gay.”

“In characters, prose, worldbuilding this is easily the best I have read from Zeebop.”

“Yes! The fuck is up with that! Dickgirl-guy is supposed to suck at writing!”

“On our last read, I criticized that Zeebop is unable to create an emotional connection with the reader. That is not the case here, there is some genuine emotional depth on display. It is hard not to care for these characters.”

“You know what else was at display? Genuine ****. We don’t have enough of that.”

“...you did not masturbate to it, did you Gina?”

“Nah, I just like Badass bitches but Rowana is too old and Ash too green. I can still appreciate their murdering lifestyle on a platonic level though.”

“I suppose that is progress in some direction, that may or may not be psychopathic. At any rate, as for the actual erotic side of things, I am afraid it is not my cup of tea. Orcs are just not doing it for me, femboys or not.”

“I hate them.”

“But to reiterate, this is an extremely well crafted piece of literature that should see more widespread success. My recommendation stands to publish this on some less salacious sites.”

“Ugh, I fucking hate it when we have to praise stuff. Like this shit has all manner of disgusting stuff in it! It’s not sexy at all but it’s good!”

“Hm yes, the sex is the one part were this story falters. It is not the focus for one, which is rather weird for Zeebop. But the sexlife of a late thirty something and a green Orc just isn’t exactly on the top most searched tags. Some things are just not meant to be turned into porn.”

“That has never stopped humanity, Marcie. Or dickgirl-guy.”

“Indeed.”