Still just friends

Though the sex had been incredible, post orgasm neither Talia nor I were feeling particularly lovey-dovey. We had been there for each other during a frustrating, confusing time, but we both knew we simply were not relationship material for each other, and that was perfectly fine.

I’d felt nothing resembling the avalanche of emotions I’d experienced after my first time with Stephanie, just a sense of overwhelming relief and a transcendent physical pleasure. A different kind of love, I suppose. Talia and I finished the night as “friends,” but not necessarily “just friends,” watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer of all things and study-buddying for our APs.

It wasn’t exactly fun seeing Stephanie at school the next day, but I had made my peace with the situation. I didn’t really know what to say to her, so things were unusually “polite” when we bumped into each other between first and second period. We acted like two people who barely knew each other.

Between second and third period, Stephanie went out of her way to make sure we crossed paths again. I could see the deep worry on her face as she pulled me in for a frantic hug, words of contrition tripping over each other as they fell from her mouth:

“I couldn’t sleep last night, I felt so bad about how I treated you yesterday. There must have been a million better ways to say what I said, but I just blurted it all out like some heartless bitch.”

“Stephanie—” I interjected.

“No, just let me finish! I’m trying to say I really, really screwed up, and I wish I hadn’t. I never expected things to get so confusing. I can’t stand the thought of this ruining our friendship, or whatever it is we have now. It’s true, I don’t like you in the same way I like Simon, but you still mean more to me than he does. If it’ll make things ok between us again, I’ll break things off with him. I will, I promise.”

“It’s okay, Stephanie, I don’t want you to do that. You didn’t do anything wrong, I did. Everything’s been changing so fast, I lost perspective on reality for a bit. I talked with Talia last night, and she kind of put my brain on track again.”

Stephanie let out a huge sigh of relief, thanking me for being so understanding. We both checked our watches; passing period only lasted five minutes and we were running out of time. “I know what you mean about things happening too fast,” she finally added, “I feel like most couples spend months and months slowly working their way up to having sex. We jumped in the deep end with no idea how to swim.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t ready for how that first time would feel. Still, I’m glad it was with you.”

“You too,” she sighed, giving me a quick, sweet kiss on the lips. I knew that little kiss was probably the last she and I would ever share. “You made my first time perfect,” she said.

As we both hurried off to our next classes, I told myself that this was going to be okay. Simon was a good enough guy, and I knew he would treat my Stephanie like a princess.

Wait—I thought—rephrase: she isn’t “my Stephanie” anymore. Just “Stephanie.”