Stick around

In no time at all, I feel as if I am a part of the team. We brainstorm a number of scenarios for Prowling Cougars, and all of them seem like they have potential.

“You know who would be the perfect host for this?” asked Gabe. He looks at me awkwardly and says, “Your mom.”

Murmurs of approval greet this suggestion, and I feel my face grow warm. You’d think I’d be used to this, going through school hearing my friends rave about how they spent the night jacking off to the sight of my mom spreading her legs for any number of guys. Even so, it’s still a bit weird to be talking about it like this.

Gabe senses my discomfort. “Sorry, Jeremy, but it’s the truth. No one fits the image of a prowling cougar better than her. Imagine the publicity of Lusty Love returning to the screen.... If she hosted the production and then would bang the winner of the male competition, imagine how many guys would sign up to participate?”

A geeky-looking guy named Ben spoke up. “Hell, I’d sign up for a chance at Lusty Love! I’ve watched everything she’s ever been in — many times! I could recognize her just by seeing a single nipple!”

“Guys... Let’s keep this professional,” said Gabe, looking sideways at me. “We are talking about someone’s mother, after all.”

Awkward silence fell at those words. Except for Ben, who apparently did not have much of a filter between his brain and his mouth. “Oh fuck! I never considered that! Jeremy, how does it feel to have slipped though Lusty Love’s vagina and to have sucked on her ample breasts on your very first day of life?”

“Ok, we’re going to take a break,” said Gabe, hastily. “Ben — go take a cold shower or something. We’ll meet again after lunch.”

As the guys shuffle out of the room, I thank Gabe for sparing me further awkward conversation about my mom.

“Don’t mention it,” he says. “Ben has a very creative mind, but I don’t think he’s ever kissed a girl; now you know why. But if we could talk about your mom, though....”

I raise an eyebrow, inquiringly.

“She would be awesome in this production, but the only way I think she’d agree to do it is if you ask her.”

“Me?”

“She only does occasional special appearances these days. It’s been a long time since she’s done a feature role. It’s going to take something special to get her to agree to it. Will you ask her?”

I have enjoyed a pretty open relationship with my parents in terms of being able to talk about sex, but even so, I feel my intestines tying themselves up at the thought of this conversation.