Stall

"Wait, what were my choices again?" I played dumb, glancing about like I was confused.

"You, can... trade your apple and envelope for ANY one of our fabulous prizes!" Monty smiled, "Or you can..."

"Yeah, but what are those prizes, again? I don't remember." I looked on with the stupidest expression I could fake.

"Ok, uh... well, there's..." Monty began... "Uh... Jay, would you..."

"No, no Monty, I'd really like to hear YOU tell me what my choices are again. I was confused by so many options. Maybe if you just gave me two options again." I smiled amiably. "Then I can go from there."

"That... that's fine, I can do that, do you want the Envelope or one of the Prizes, Brent." Monty smiled, happy to be back on his groove, apparently.

"Wait, wasn't there an apple involved there?" I argued, looking down at the case in my hand.

"The Envelope's in the case with the apple." Monty repeated, a slight tone of anger beginning to sound. "So, do want that, or one of the prizes?"

"Well, which girls are the options?" I asked, glancing to the costumed figures, and deliberately looking at the wrong ones.

"No, No... keep up, do you want... I thought you wanted... Ok, You want the Envelope or a Prize?" Monty looked back and forth.

"Yes." I smiled with excitement, and then put my hand on my face and struck a confused expression. "But maybe if I saw all the people I was picking from first, then I could know. I mean, right now, there's so many options, and I can't really remember all those great things that Jay was talking about."

"I... Ok, uhm, Ladies, those of you... this is getting away from me here... why don't you all just come down here... that way..." Monty began gesturing towards the various women I was supposed to select from, bringing them together awkwardly in the audience, and the large and expressive costumes did nothing to allow for legroom or elbowroom, or any kind of display.

"No... no... this is no GOOD, Monty!" I exclaimed. "All we have here is a big confused mess. Clearly the gals need to be onstage if we're going to do this right."

Monty seemed ready to object, but I had already begun helping each of my costumed accomplices out of the audience and onto the stage. What was amusing to me was that as I did so Monty seemed more and more unsure of himself. The moment passed, and he adjusted his concerned expression into one of amiable benevolence.

"Yes, Great... that's a great idea, better watch out of my job, there Jay, Huh? What's that?"

The overhead speakers burst into sound as I helped Helen step onto the stage.

"All we need is a musical playing, and we've got the opposite of a staircase number..." she whispered earnestly, completely drowned out to the general attention by the booming "I said You're an institution Monty..."

The crowd laughed along, as a Hawk Girl, a Peacock, A Line Cook, A Front Desk Clerk, A Southern Belle, and a Library Owl took their places onstage, almost like a line up from an old western brothel scene. I cringed at the thought, but Monty seemed comfortable. Ok... maybe something else would work... just... my mind raced trying to think of other things to say to keep this going.

"So there you are, Brent," Monty exclaimed happily from the audience as I stood at the foot of the stage, looking up at the six lovely women. "Nice and easy choice."

"But wait, Monty, did you even give them a chance? I mean, don't you usually let people choose if they want to keep their prizes?" I objected, turning around and looking at him quizzically. "I mean, that really doesn't seem fair that I'm the one who has to pick when they've already been through so much to get here. I mean, All I did was sit there the whole time."

"Ah, but what's IN the Envelope is worth more than any ONE of those prizes. Maybe all of them!" Monty objected. "So, which is it going to be?"

"I think they all should get a chance to decide if they even WANT to have the apple. I mean, it's not like I've asked any of them yet." I spread my hands placatingly. "Everyone knows that the Monty Hall question depends on the host giving a choice. You can't break your own rules."

"That's not... that's NOT the way the game is played!" Monty objected. "I don't have to let you change curtains, and I don't have to even open one of them. You really think we'd do a show with TWO goats and not show any prizes? This show's about the winning, so WIN!"

"Wait, that's not? What are the rules here? I'm confused." I scratched at my head again, and sat on the edge of the stage, crossing my knee over my other leg. "Definitely going to have to give this some more thought."