Staff of obedience, by ArtViewer314

“Oh, great. Another artviewer. I can’t wait to read about more mindless zombies. Not!”

“Do not be too hasty, Gina. Staff of obedience, by Artviewer314 is the first story he published here.”

“So you mean it will be especially ass?”

“Actually, it might be before his perverse and abhorrent fetish developed. A work yet untainted.”

“It will be ass.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

Amanda was picked among only 10 lucky individuals to go on an archelogical expedition to the desert area surronding egypt.

When she was not buissy organizing equipment

They were georgus.

She played with a bowl, ignorimg Samantha's warning about gloves.

She didmissed it

which was a delecassy to the eye.

“BAAAAAAAARFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“It was ass.”

“HUUUURRRRLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Also, just so there are no misconceptions, Marcie is the one barfing her guts out right now.”

“BLEEEEEEERRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Give her a minute.”

“W-What is this wretched abhorrent perversion of grammar? I can not bear it!”

“Well, Marcie? How do you like his early work? Untainted enough for you?”

“Ugh…I am afraid that answering that question might trigger my gag reflex, Gina.”

“Hah! You know, it has been a while since a story set you off that much.”

“Q-quite...in the years that have passed, I developed some resistance against poor grammar, but this...this monstrosity has penetrated my immune system. Urrp...I feel sick to my stomach. HACK! COUGH! WHEEZE!”

“I’m just glad we got it out of the way early because I don’t want you keep bitching about grammar for the rest of the review.”

“HACK! COUGH! WHEEZE!”

“...you will stop bitching about grammar, will you?”

“I shall endeavor to.”

“You better.”

I do not know how long I have, so let us not dilly dally. Gina, summarize the plot.”

“Right. So this is about some dig in Egypt were a bunch of nerds find the evil snake staff from Aladdin that hypnotizes people. Remember that story about the ring? Not the one from dickgirl-guy, the one before.”

“Advanced Fantasy.”

“Yeah that one. It’s kinda like that. Only without monster girls. And it’s a snake staff instead of a ring.”

“What Gina is trying to say, is that said Snake Stuff has a mind of its own and is taking possession of our main character, Amanda.”

“But before that, we actually get a choice here for once.”

“Indeed. Do we focus on Servants and Slaves or Drones and Robots? I think I leave the choice to you, Gina.”

“I’m sick of zombies, so let’s pick the **** option.”

“Certainly. After a few meaningless but fortuitously short chapters, Amanda is back at home and soon has her roommate Emily enslaved...or rather the other way around.”

“Yeah, of course this is yet another, the master is the actual enslaved one story, this writer is so horny about. Which means, power bottom Emily quickly takes charge into turning her roomy into the perfect Queen. Or rather what she thinks a perfect Queen should be. A lazy and spoiled brat.”

“You certainly fit that bill when you called yourself Queen during High-school.”

“I don’t need to hear this from someone who calls herself Empress during College.”

“I earned that title, Gina. It was not just handed to me via some magic artifact.”

“Haaahh. I don’t even have the drive to bitch about this anymore.”

She held out the staff øike she was showcasing some grandiose

“Which is good, because we have more important matters to discuss. Such as the true danger of spelling errors.”

“Uhu.”

“Do you recognize the immense significance of the letter “ø” here Gina?”

“Nø?”

“The letter “ø” only appears on a Norwegian keyboard. A simply slip of the authors butter finger thus enables me to expose his darkest secret to the whole world. This author...is Nordic!”

“I could have told you as much from his hipster lumberjack picture.”

Emily found some duck tape

“D-D-Duck...Duck...DUCK TAPE! *HACK* *COUGH!”

“Marcie, calm down! Breathe!”

“Ha...ha...I….I do not think I can go on, Gina...this is even worse then when sumedokin misspelled Ganon. And he did not even use the most common misspelling of the name.”

“I’m not doing this shit without you, Marcie.”

“...”

“So, let’s just carry on. uh. The power bottom Emily ends up getting more and more power and changes her name to North Star.”

“Hm, yes.”

“Which is weird as fuck. What stupid ass name is that?”

“Indeed.”

“Oh, come on, Marcie! The author is Nordic and has a character called North Star in it. The joke writes itself!”

“You know what, Gina? You are correct. I just squandered a perfect joke and this is not acceptable behavior from someone as witty as me. No matter how debilitating my condition may be the show must go on.”

“That’s the spirit.”

A million, a trillion a billion times thank you for your wonderful gift.

“A Trillion is worth more more then a billion. Do you wish to add mathematically challenged to your growing resume of inadequacies as well?”

“Oh for fucks sake!”

That way, I can youse the staff more efficiently. You felt a weak thug at my words, right?

“Urpffft….”

“Huh...I can’t tell if you are laughing or vomiting, Marcie.”

“D-did this authors barely existing grasp on grammar just accidentally create a pun? And it is a good one too?”

“No chance this was on purpose, right?”

“Obviously not. This is...oh...I-I think this is what it feels to leave this mortal coil, Gina.”

“Don’t you fucking start again.”

“While I yet remain, quickly tell us what else happens in the story, Gina.”

“Right, story. Uh...Not much honestly. North just continues to completely pamper Amanda.”

There was no one to fetch her snacks, hold her wine glass, or massage her shoulders. This subtly irritated her. It was much more of an elaborate effort to do these things herself, as opposed to just commanding North.

“Hm, yes. Such dependence can not be healthy.”

“The amount of pampering Amanda gets is creeping me out. Like she is treated less like a Queen and more like an infant. Probably won’t be long before she starts wiping her butt as well.”

“It will not come to that, fortunately. At this point artviewer clearly lost interest in the premise and stopped updating. Which also means, I managed to survive. Barely.”

“Good job, Marcie.”

“Hm yes, that said, at least his writing started to improve by the later chapters.”

“Which just reminds me. We barely talked about any sexual stuff in this.”

“That is true. Pray forgive us, but it is a bit difficult to focus on the erotic arts when you are battling a abysmal spelling induced heart attack.”

“I mean, there was some sexy stuff in it. Mostly worship centered, some foot kissing, that sort of thing. It was also all purely lesbian which I should enjoy but...was there any actual sex in this, Marcie?”

“There was not.”

“I knew it! What the fuck!”

“Admittedly a rather odd decision given the very strong sapphic undertones of this work. Maybe artviewer intended to save Amanda’s virginity for John Mcbeth?”

“Who?”

“A side character who popped up every now and then. We did not mention him since he did nothing of value beyond existing. And yet he was also the only character we could have changed the name of. Just one more bizarre decision to add to the pile.”

“Ah, yeah, I remember him…totally.”

“Well, as it was not evident already, this was a rather rough read. I talked at great length about the grammar…”

“You did.”

“...but the pacing of the plot was also somewhat meandering. And since the story was clearly abandoned we have no idea if there would ultimately be a payoff to all of this.”

“You know what, Marcie?”

“What is it, Gina?”

“It doesn’t happen too often but every once in a while an author sends us an abandoned story and it just pissed me off! You fuck couldn’t even be arsed to finish your fucking story so why the fuck should we fucking read it?”

“Hmm, to somewhat defend artviewer, I think he wanted us to notice the difference in quality. And I must say that his more recent stories have definitely improved.”

“Yeah, but just because this is a low bar.”

“Perhaps, but surviving this story certainly was a high bar for me.”

“You are an **** drama queen today, Marcie.”

“Hm, maybe, Autumn always does tend to make me somewhat sentimental.”

“!!!”

“What is it, Gina?”

“It’s almost October! And we have yet to get a Halloween story to cover!”

“You mean as is the norm?”

“But I wanted this year to be different!”

“Well, this story was horrifying enough, no?”

“FUCK YOU, VYKSIN, FUCK YOU, SARCKLE! AND ESPECIALLY, FUCK YOU ARTFUCKER!”