Spread 'N Ready

Chrissie's face was thunderclouds as she stepped forward and spun the wheel with obvious attitude. The wheel clicked continuously for quite a while before finally slowing down. The clicking became more distinct, and finally the wheel stopped, settling on a slot entitled, "Spread n' Ready."

Chrissie blinked. "What the [NETWORK CENSORED] is 'Spread n' Ready?'"

Biff laughed. "Well, we're glad you asked, Christine! Paul, why don't you tell Christine what she's just earned?"

"Certainly, Biff!" said the still unseen Paul. "Christine, there's more to being a good bimbo than just looking good. Body language is just as important! So you will get to undertake the joys of neural redirection with the fine technicians from Blonde Concepts! When they're finished with you, every time you sit down or bend over to pick something up, you'll be sending unspoken messages to everyone! Even standing in place, you'll be speaking without opening your mouth. Congratulations, Christine!"

There was sudden silence. Finally, Chrissie turned to Biff. "Biff, what the hell did Paul just say?"

There was laughter, and Biff covered the microphone for a moment and said to Michael, "Make sure that line makes the season DVD set, alright? Maybe a blooper clip. Better yet, a quick radio spot." Then he uncovered the microphone and said, "That's right, Christine. Now, every time you sit down, your knees will automatically pop apart like charges, baby, and if you drop something, you will automatically bend over to pick it up, but you will bend over from the waist, with your ankles at least...shoulder...width...apart!"

Finally understanding what the hell was going to happen to Christine, the audience cheered long and hard. Chrissie had lost only one event, but she was quickly catching up in embarrassment. She fumed as she was led away.

"Alright, Laura," said Biff. "You're next! Step up and spin the wheel!"