Spike

"Me?" asked Spike. "All this fuss you've been making and you finally chose me?"

"Why not you?" asked Buffy. "I get the feeling you're going to try and Urkel your way into my life anyway so given a choice between you and white lesbian vampire Urkel over there, I'll choose you."

"Great, Slayer," said Spike with a big smile on his face. "You'll never regret this. You make me so happy right now I could kiss -- Ow! Bloody hell! What's wrong with the chip now?!"

"I don't know, Spike," said Buffy. "Does it normally go off like that when you try to kiss a girl?"

"Not usually," said Spike.

Then he looked at Buffy and hastily added, "Not that I've tried to kiss a lot of girls apart from you."

"What about me, Blondie Bear?" asked Harmony.

"You don't really count, luv," said Spike.

"I don't?" asked Harmony.

"Because you're a vampire, Harmony," said Buffy. "The chip is only supposed to go off if Spike attacks a human."

"The Irish tin soldier made a little adjustment to the little wires in the knick-knacks that keep Spike weak," said Drusilla. "Just his way of keeping my dear boy in his place -- and protecting the then current holder of his heart."

"The Irish tin soldier?" asked Buffy. "You mean Riley? But why would he want to prevent Spike from -- Oh, I see. I never figured him for going that route but I guess there was a lot more to him than I ever got the chance to know."

"Well, it can be fixed, can't it?" asked Spike.

"By whom, Spike?" said Buffy. "Riley is not here, the Initiative has been disbanded, and neither Drusilla nor I know much about fixing chips."

"Well, maybe your friend Willow can --" Spike started to say.

"Yeah, right," said Buffy. "Good luck convincing the girl you almost killed to adjust the one thing that kept you from killing her."

At this point, Buffy turned to Drusilla and said, "I guess I'm all yours."

"All mine?" asked Drusilla. "Really?"

"Really," said Buffy. "I could live without the touch of a man's penis but kissing -- I can't really live without. Plus you got me curious about all that other stuff you keep mentioning."

"You'll never regret it, Slayer," said Drusilla.

"Hey, wait a minute!" cried Spike. "What about me?"

"What about you?" asked Buffy. "You still got your 'real' girlfriend. Let her take care of you."

"Cool!" cried Harmony. "Blondie Bear, we're just going to have so much fun."

Spike took one look at Harmony and cried, "That's it, Slayer! Stake me now. For the love of God, please stake me now."

Buffy paused and then turned in Spike's direction.

"Oh, Spike," said Buffy before she turned yet again and walked off with Drusilla. "You're such a tease."