Some help to clear my mind

I stayed on the bench for a while, emotionally drained, unmotivated to do anything. Once it was almost time for lunch, I just bought a sandwich in the nearby vending machine. I wasn't in the mood to look for a restaurant or cook something at home.

While eating, I spotted Dahlia in the distance, talking and walking alongside a fairly tall girl with a skateboard under her arm. She somehow noticed me as well and immediately looked away. She did seem genuinely worried about me earlier, but our conversation hadn't been the best, far from it. I didn't even know whether I hated her still, I could barely feel anything at the moment. What I mainly felt was this slowly growing urge to use these spines and wear someone's skin.

Why does it feel so much stronger...? It wasn't as bad this morning...

"Still here?" A soft voice asked from behind me.

Sarah sat next to me, a lunch box in her hands, giving me a weird look. "Damn, no offense, but you look like shit. Did things go badly?"

"You can say that..." I simply replied while taking a bite of my sandwich. "Just... Went through a lot recently..."

She gently caressed my shoulder. "Want to clear your mind? We can have a movie night like we used to back then?"

"I have work tonight..."

"I don't know what happened, but it's clear to me that you're in no condition to work, I've never seen you in such a state before. Call it sick and spend the night at my place."

It was very tempting, I really wasn't feeling like working right now, and doubted I'd get better on my own.

"Are you sure? We're not dating anymore, and I don't want to cause any trouble with your potential new partner."

She waved it off. "I don't think he'd mind, but if he throws a tantrum because I invited an ex-boyfriend I'm still on good terms with to hang out, it'd just be a sign that he's a toxic person and it wouldn't work out between us anyway. So don't worry about it."

I managed to chuckle a little. "Okay, a movie night does sound nice. Thanks."

She gave me another one of her beautiful smiles. "No need to thank me, that's what friends are here for, after all."

My heart skipped a beat from this smile. She was incredibly kind and beautiful. I especially loved her eyes, always finding them mesmerising. She had heterochromia, her left eye being a soft brown colour and her right one a light blue. The more I was with her, the stronger my love for her was coming back, and, alongside it, the regrets of not dating her anymore.

"I still have three hours of classes to teach and tomorrow's lessons to prepare but you can meet me at my place at around 6?"

I nodded, trying to stay calm. "Sure. Should I bring something?"

Sarah pondered for a bit. "Maybe a pack of beer, I'm almost running out."

"Noted."

She finished her lunch and stretched. "I need to go and make sure everything is good for my next lesson. There were some technical issues with the room last time. See you later, Ed."

"See you. Good luck."

We parted ways, with me stopping at a supermarket to buy the beers. I bought two packs, I felt like drowning my sorrows in **** tonight. I then went to my flat to rest and wait for our reunion. I texted my boss to inform him that I wasn't feeling well, with him wishing me a good recovery, and also Claire to warn her that I would spend the evening and maybe the night at Sarah's place. The two of them only met twice but they got along well.

Four hours later, a bit earlier than what we had agreed on, I was standing in front of her apartment complex. I rang the bell and took the elevator to the ninth floor, where her flat was located. It was a cozy place and had a fairly good view on the city. I used to visit once or twice a week back when we were dating.

I knocked on the door and waited.

"Hey Ed, come on in." Sarah said as she opened the door. "I'm almost done cleaning, you can wait on the couch."

"Alright. I'll put the beers in the fridge first, though."

It had only been six months since my last visit but it already felt so nostalgic to be here again, everything was exactly as I remembered.

After storing the beers, and carrying two of her three remaining bottles for us, I went to the living room. I saw the bird cage in the corner, next to the windows, and leaned closer, seeing her two green-cheeked conures. They fluffed up their feathers as soon as they saw me approaching, appearing a bit shy. It had been a while since they last saw me after all, and Sarah told me that these birds were usually fairly possessive of their owners. They used to bite me a lot but were always cute and affectionate with Sarah.

"Still no babies, I see?"

"They've been trying, but no, it seems like I won't become a grandmother soon." Sarah giggled as she sat on the couch.

"Heh, you're too young to be one anyway."

The last time we talked about babies, she told me that she didn't want to have any kids, considering her birds to be her children.

Unlike her more professional outfit from earlier, she was wearing a pair of gym shorts and a red t-shirt, her usual style to laze away at home.

She grabbed one of the fresh bottles I brought and started to drink. "Now, what kind of movies could we watch...?"

I went to the shelf where all her DVDs were. "Hmm, what about the original Spiderman trilogy? It's been a while since I last watched it."

"Why not. I ordered some sushis, by the way. Our usuals. And before you say anything, it's my treat."

"Thanks."

I inserted the first disc in the DVD player and we started to watch, me starting and finishing two beers before the sushis even arrived thirty minutes later.

"So, do you want to talk about that girl? Dahlia, was it?" Sarah asked once we took a break to eat.

I stopped eating and sighed. "I don't know what there is to say..."

"Her overly cutesy attitude was clearly fake." She commented, surprising me.

"You noticed?"

"You know I've always been good at reading people. She looked like she was hiding her true personality, but what I'm certain of is that she did seem to like you. That's why I've been wondering what happened between you two. You were looking so much worse when we saw each other again during lunch."

I looked away, starting my third bottle of beer. I wasn't sure if I should tell her. I was already so scared of telling the truth to Claire, my own sister... While I had an absolute trust in Sarah for a lot of things, what happened to me shook me up too much. I needed to think about it with a clear mind, but today has been far too hectic.

"I... I don't feel like talking about this right now, sorry... Maybe tomorrow if I feel better..."

"Alright, I won't push you."

We finished eating and resumed our watch. I really enjoyed her company in that moment, I felt more relaxed by her side. After two more beers, an amount I should have been okay with usually, I blacked out.

I woke up during the night with a throbbing headache and an awful taste in my mouth. I also felt something strange within me, warm and fuzzy.

I groaned. "Oww... What happened...?"

I seemed to be in Sarah's room, the lights were still on. I tried to stand up but noticed the spines popping out of my right hand.

"W-what?"

I immediately looked around, not wanting Sarah to see them. But my eyes widened when I saw her beside me, turned into a deflated skin…

"I… I skinned her?"

I couldn't believe it… I held her skin, contemplating what I apparently did… It was so freaky to see her like this… A part of me was really worried, but I knew that I could restore her. Even deflated, her face was still charming…

Suddenly, alongside the headache from the hangover, I felt something else, memories that weren't my own flowing into my mind… I was a young girl with a passion for reading and helping people, often becoming the class representative in elementary and middle-school. I grew up and discovered Victor Hugo when I was eleven, starting my love for French literature and the French language. I finished high-school with the best grades and decided to study what I loved in college, hoping to share my passion with younger people by becoming a teacher. I discovered my pansexuality after sleeping with my high-school female best friend during a sleepover, and dated a few more boys and girls afterwards, but it never lasted for long. The longest relationship I had, though, was with a kind and brave man younger than me that I met by chance at the bar where he was working…

Wait… That's… me…

I was experiencing all of Sarah's memories, and it was so surreal to see myself from her own point of view, to feel the love she had for me… It was so overwhelming… I realized that this warm feeling inside me was her soul… And that for the first time since I woke up last morning, I felt whole… The cold and the depression were still here, but the warmth of her soul was comforting…

The more I stared at Sarah's skin, the stronger was the urge to wear her. It was so hard to resist, this skinwalker part of me encouraging me to become more intimate than ever with the woman I loved, using my feelings for her against me…

The rational part of me, though, wanted to restore her. Having her soul within me made me believe that I could trust her should I tell her about my situation…

What… What am I supposed to do?