So what’s the point of family dinners when nobody gets along

“You really did a great job on these steaks, Rose!” Mary complimented the other girl, taking a juicy bite of the glistening red meat. “It’s one of the best I’ve ever had!”

“Oh, you’re too kind!” Rose tittered, squirming gleefully in her seat. The bright red blush of pride in her complexion made her face glow like the sun.

Nick was amazed. I’ve never seen Rose and Mary get along this well, maybe not ever! And all it took was Rose being in a good mood thanks to Amelia’s kind words.

When he knew that Rose would be staying the night as well, he’d been nervous of any potential conflicts. It was the reason he’d been initially hesitant about Rose joining them for dinner, even though he knew she should be there.

So far, though, it seemed like everything was working out for the best.

“Thanks for this, guys.” The words slipped past his lips before he realized what was happening. He looked surprised to say them for a moment.

“For what?” Rose questioned. “For dinner? You don’t have to thank me for that, silly! I was happy to do it!”

She patted his hand and flashed a beaming smile. Her longer hair was reason enough, but it just made her happy, doing stuff like this for the guy she loved. She might even reconsider their roles in the future- why should Mary get to have all the fun cooking for him? She could lend a hand on occasion!

“No, it’s not just that… but yes, dinner is delicious,” Nick said, making sure to get in a compliment while he explained himself. It was always good to help keep Rose in a positive mood. “Just having everyone here, enjoying themselves, eating together like this… it’s really good to see, you know?”

Mary beamed at him and Rose nodded eagerly.

“It really is,” she agreed. “In fact, let’s make it a regular thing! How about you have me over tomorrow night, too?”

Nick glanced at her and gave her a knowing look. “I’m not gonna fall for your wiles that easily,” he replied. “I know you want to spend as much time with me as you can, Rose, but it’s not fair to the other girls.”

Rose pouted, but she didn’t argue the point. She’d already had this conversation several times earlier in the round, and as had been made clear to her before, she wouldn’t like it much if another girl intruded on her night with Nick, either.

So when Nick put his foot down, she didn’t make a big show of arguing the point, she just nodded and shrugged in resignation.

Mary, on the other hand, was contemplative. “While it certainly wouldn’t do to be a recurring thing,” she noted, stroking her chin thoughtfully, I don’t think we need to close the door completely, either.”

“What do you mean?” Nick asked, curious and concerned.

“In the future, we… we may all be living together, right?” She squirmed in her seat and gazed down at her plate, unable to look anybody in the eye as she speculated what a potential future married life would be for them all. “In that case… a nice meal with everybody… well, it would be nice, don’t you think?”

Nick could certainly see where Mary was coming from. But in his opinion, it was far too early for something like that. Everyone would need to be on the same page first.

“Maybe you’ve got a point,” he admitted, scratching his head and smiling sheepishly. “But that’s for long after we get home.”

And they had no idea when THAT would be.

“But we can still talk about it now, right?” Mary asked hopefully, and Nick didn’t have it in his heart to say no. He glanced at Amelia, hoping his stepmother might have the sense to deflect this conversation to a later date, but then he saw the look in her eye and paused.

“Amelia?” Nick asked, ignoring Mary completely for once. “Is something the matter?”

The blonde flinched, like she was coming out of a dream. The light returned to her eyes, and the faintest of smiles turned up her lips.

“No… nothing is the matter at all,” she said, shaking her head. “I am… content.”

That wasn’t entirely true. The word Amelia meant to use was happy. But she just couldn’t say it. For so long, she’d had trouble expressing herself and her feelings, even to the people she cared about most. Nick was one of those people… and seeing him with two women who loved him made her as happy as any mother for her child.

If only she could bring herself to say that!

But she held her tongue, because she knew that her words, while appreciated by him, would only make things more awkward. Nick didn’t respond well to statements like that. He would get flustered and embarrassed, and try to deflect. She knew that well enough.

Right now, things were good.

So yes… Amelia was content with the situation at the moment, and would not say anything that might turn things for the worse.

“Amelia, you said that you wanted to spend tonight getting know Nick and I, isn’t that right?” Mary asked, turning in her seat to face her stepmother-in-law. “Is there anything in particular you wanted to know about me? I’m a bit of an open book!”

That was an understatement. Amelia didn’t need Mary to get into some big, long, life story about how she’d gotten here, that wasn’t at all the reason that the Englishwoman had come to dinner tonight. No, she wanted to get to know Mary the person.

And she’d learned quite a lot about her just in their brief conversations.

But as for her stepson…

“I wanted to get to know Nicholas better,” Amelia said, and she felt her face heat up. It was embarrassing to admit that, as a mother, she didn’t know her own stepson as well as she would like to. “We haven’t had much time to catch up since I came here.”

“Oh… yeah, I guess we haven’t, huh?” Nick admitted, giving her a sheepish smile and scratching his head. Most of their date was spent with him occupying Sylvia and trying to please her, he hadn’t had any deep conversations with Amelia.

Then again… that was the story of his life, wasn’t it?

His relationship with his stepmother had always been superficial. It seemed like she always kept him at arms’ length, even though she claimed to care about him. And he never had a reason to doubt that- it just happened to be that whenever she tried to show her care, it would tend to fall flat.

But he knew how she felt. He knew that she loved him. They just didn’t have a relationship that put a big premium on talking about deep topics with one another.

Maybe… maybe they could fix that tonight, if they were lucky.

“How have you been, Nicholas?” Amelia posed her first question, leaning forward intently.

Nick knew that she hadn’t intended for this conversation to come off as an interrogation, but… it absolutely did. He shifted awkwardly in his seat and tried to smile, and not look like he was going to freak out.

“I… it’s been a bit of an ordeal,” he admitted with a sigh. Mary winced and Rose looked alarmed. Neither one of them had expected that from him.

Amelia wasn’t surprised though.

“I can imagine,” she said, nodding sympathetically even as her voice remained impartial. “It seems that you have gone through a lot on this island.”

He definitely had. And the hardest part of all?

“I think what’s really gotten to me… has been Dakota,” he admitted, and no one could argue with that.

Nick couldn’t lie, there had been a lot of good things that had happened to him. He’d gotten to know the real Holly, he’d reconnected with Gina, and he’d set things straight with Dani and Dawn, and improved his relationship with both. He’d fallen in love with Mary, and with Rose as well after meeting her. And that didn’t even begin to cover things with Carly and Marley, either. Kim he was getting serious with, and was curious about where things would go, and he was opening up to getting serious with Morgana, if that’s what she wanted. He didn’t know the new girls all that well, yet, but he was trying to do right by them. He was trying to do right by everybody, honestly, and he felt that he’d made a lot of positive progress in his life.

If you looked at it on paper, then things sure seemed like they were going well for him!

But when it came to Dakota and Sylvia… that part of his life really made him feel hesitant.

And could he really be blamed for that?

After all… Dakota…

Dakota had once meant the world to him.

“I… I didn’t know what to do at first,” he admitted, letting out a long sigh. “Because… I was still reeling. Sylvia… she brought Dakota back to life! You must see how big of a deal that was, right?”

Amelia bit her lip and nodded solemnly. She knew full well how much Dakota had meant to her stepson. She had tried to comfort him through the pain of losing her, and had failed miserably. Even her hugs seemed to only freeze his bones, much to her chagrin.

For someone he treasured so dearly to return to his life like that… it must have been wonderful and horrible at the same time.

“Nick… if you won’t want to talk about it, then it’s okay,” Mary said gently, placing her hand over his. “I know this is a really sensitive topic for you.”

Rose had to fight hard to keep from sharing her own thoughts on the matter. As far as she was concerned, Dakota was an awful person who’d done awful things. But unlike Mary, who had memories of the wicked host implanted in her due to Dakota’s transformation, Rose had nothing. She hadn’t met Nick or Dakota before coming to this island, so she couldn’t grasp the full weight of what the other woman meant to him.

So even though she ached to yell out in condemnation, she felt that wasn’t her place.

But… it wasn’t Mary’s place, either.

Nick shook his head and pulled his hand away from her. “Thank you,” he said somberly, without a trace of gratitude in his voice. “That really means a lot to me, Mary. But I can talk about it. I… I need to talk about it.”

His relationship with Dakota and his feelings for her were like an anchor wrapped around his leg, dragging him down into the darkness.

He cared about her, he loved her, but…

“I just feel so… empty now,” he said, holding his heart. “Dakota, she used to be everything to me. And I still have so many memories of her that I cherish. But seeing all the things she’s done… and what she’s doing even now… it hurts like you wouldn’t believe.”

Nick desperately wanted to think of Dakota as a good person. He couldn’t comprehend the idea that someone he loved so much could actually be a villain. Especially not Dakota. Never Dakota.

But he couldn’t deny her past any more than he could deny his love for her.

“…It’s a hard thing,” Amelia said quietly. “Loving someone even when they’ve done wrong. Not many people have the strength to do that.”

Nick wasn’t sure if he did.

“I just wish that she was better,” Nick said quietly. “She could be so much more… so much better… so why won’t she?”

He knew Dakota could certainly hear his words. But he said them anyway. Maybe on some level he even wanted her to hear how he felt, in the hope that he could get her to turn things around.

But he doubted it.

“She just needs to find the lord’s love in her heart,” Mary said confidently. “If she can feel His grace, then she will be able to accept the things she’s done, and move forward. She can begin to make things right, and seek atonement.”

Rose had a lot of issues with Mary, but this most of all was why she wanted to slap the other girl across the face. But she held back.

How ridiculous! You can’t seriously be considering using “God” as a method of improving this, can you? She thought, holding her tongue. Her eyes danced from Nick to Amelia, and knew that they both must be in agreement with her.

But of course, nobody wanted to crush poor, sweet little Mary’s delusions.

What a crock of shit.

Even Mary seemed to pick up on that, though. She squirmed a little and looked down, and her voice faded off into a whisper that was uncharacteristic of her usual proselytizing.

When a cold silence fell over the room, Nick knew that he’d messed up bad, bringing the conversation in this direction. That hadn’t been his intention, but Amelia had wanted him to share his feelings.

And this was something he felt stronger than anything at this point.

“Nicholas… I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be, to find yourself in your current position,” Amelia said quietly, looking her stepson deep in the eyes. “To come to this place, and find your long-lost friend reborn… and then, after finally seeing the possibility of a future together with her, to have that taken from you by her own wickedness. I honestly don’t know what to say.”

For once, Amelia wasn’t to blame for her inability to express her feelings properly. She doubted that anybody would be able to assuage Nick’s feelings of discomfort in that moment.

But she wanted to try so badly.

So to everyone’s surprise, she rose from her seat and walked around the table, and draped her arms over his chest from around the chair. Resting her head on his shoulder, she leaned against him and just stood there, embracing him in silent comfort.

Nick started to shake, and he felt tears welling up in his eyes.

“It’s so hard…” He whimpered, looking down at his lap as his vision clouded. “I just want everyone to be happy… I want everybody to get along, but… I don’t know how to fix it.”

He wanted so badly to ask Amelia what she thought he should do. Or ask Mary, or even Rose, or Holly! Ask anyone!

Asking anybody for help would be better than doing it himself.

But he couldn’t do that, of course.

Dakota… she was his problem. She may have been a problem for all the girls in his harem, yes, but she was his problem. It was her feelings for him that had led her down this dark path, and it was his responsibility to try and bring her back from it, however he could.

If he could.

I’m not a little kid with a skinned knee, he thought, wrapping his hand around Amelia’s arm and tightening her hug. I can’t rely on my mom to fix all my problems and make it all better. That’s what she was trying to show me all day today. I need to be a man for once, and take responsibility for this situation!

One kiss had set this all in motion. One big mistake with Gina had cost Dakota her life, and set off the chain of dominos that had led them all here. But just like he’d told Gina that she couldn’t blame herself for what had happened, he knew he couldn’t blame himself, either.

But even if he wasn’t at fault, even if he shouldn’t feel guilty, that didn’t mean it wasn’t his responsibility to resolve it.

I’m the “master” of this show, after all. This is my harem.

“Mom…” he choked out, feeling Amelia tense around him. He didn’t mean to say that, it had just slipped past his lips. But he didn’t have the strength to recant. “It’s hard… you have no idea how hard it is, having to spend every day living through this.”

Some men would have given anything to be in a situation like this, with beautiful women throwing themselves at him every day. And Nick couldn’t deny that he appreciated that benefit and took advantage of it whenever he could.

But the pain and responsibility… that part he had never been comfortable with.

“…I need to make things right,” he said, peeling his stepmother’s arms off of him. “I need to do better. I… I have to do better. You were right, Amelia.”

He turned to look at her, and was surprised by the surprise he saw on her face.

“…What do you mean?” Amelia asked with quiet curiosity, studying Nick’s face closely.

Nick swallowed the bile welling up in his throat.

“I… I’ve been living a life of relative comfort, since I came here. But I’ve been trying to hide from the more unsavory things. I’ve been pushing away my responsibility and trying to avoid taking the initiative for one reason or another… and it’s always been because I’ve been afraid.”

“Afraid?” Mary questioned. She didn’t understand her husband’s meaning. He’d married her, hadn’t he? Wasn’t that the definition of accepting responsibility?

Nick nodded. He looked at Rose, and saw a tense look on the blonde’s face. Irony of ironies, in that moment, the person who most understood what his heart felt in that moment was Rose Beausoleil.

“Mom, you said I needed to take more responsibility for myself,” he said, looking Amelia in the eye. “Maybe not in so many words, but that was definitely the message of today. That I need to work hard to make the women in my life happy, instead of passively accepting their affection for me, isn’t that right?” He asked.

Amelia bit her lip and nodded.

“Exactly,” she said quietly. “You can’t just sit back and embrace these things as they come, Nicholas. That has always been one of your biggest shortcomings.”

She was right. That had always been his biggest flaw, wasn’t it? Even when he was a kid. He’d passively accepted Gina’s kiss, and that had led Dakota to where she was today. Maybe if he’d been more proactive, maybe if he’d…

…

No.

Again, that wasn’t something he could accept the blame for. Dakota’s actions were Dakota’s alone, and he didn’t have any responsibility for that.

But he could do something about it. He could change.

He needed to change.

“It’s ironic… that I’m going to try and be more like the ‘master’ Dakota wants me to be,” he said, shaking his head in amusement and the absurd situation. For a moment, he wondered what Dakota must be thinking right now. “But you’re right, Amelia, I need to grow up. I can’t keep sitting back and letting stuff happen to me. If I want something, if I want to find a future where we can all sit around a dinner table like this and be happy together, I need to start actively working for it. I need to make an actual change and be proactive.”

Amelia smiled softly and nodded in approval. Mary was practically in tears, and Rose sank back in her seat with a sigh of relief.

Nobody had expected tonight’s conversation to go in this direction, Nick least of all. But he felt refreshed somehow, like he’d taken the first step in the right direction after being stuck for so many years in the shadow of Dakota’s spirit.