Sister Shenanigans, Part 3: “Yo How Do I Make a Baby”

As they settle back into the nice breezy Crapmobile to finish off the Pearl and Macy Best Sisters Forever Bonding Shopping + Pregnancy Research Spree Because I’m Gonna be a Freaking Aunt (final title!), Macy still has her head in the clouds, high on potential aunthood. The mother-to-be-to-be herself seems a bit lost in thought, still, though.

“So like, what do you actually think of me having a baby with Chase?”

Macy throws her splitting grin towards her sister at her side. “Haven’t I made it obvious?”

Pearl chuckles a little. “Yeah, yeah. I mean what do you think of me having a kid with Chase? Like, specifically?”

“I think the boy better get on it and shoot his spunk.”

A look of faint amusement mixed with grossed-out-ness flits across Pearl’s face before she reiterates her point. “But he’s not some stranger or something I’m boning just to get a fetus up me, he’s like actually going to be around in our lives to take care of the thing.”

“Good, then I don’t have to have a stern talk with him about his responsibilities.” Let’s face it, I’m still gonna. Threats will be made. Followed by great big bear hugs for putting me on the path to being an aunt.

“But he’s not even my boyfriend.”

Interesting point to ruminate on. “Do you want him to be your boyfriend?”

Pearl hesitates. “...No.”

“Hm.”

“But that’s the point, though. He’s gonna like be around the house and fucking – I don’t know, sitting at the dinner table with us. We’re all gonna casually eat dinner with a dude you guys know is actively trying to knock me up. And it’s not like we’re going steady and he’s someone I’m bringing home so you guys can shake his hand, cause you’ve known him for literal years at this point.” She reaches over to turn the A/C off.

Macy leans forward to turn it back on. “So nothing new, then. Except after dinner is over, you guys go back to your room to trade bodily fluids while Mom and I clean up.”

“Literally exactly.”

“And?”

“And isn’t that fucking weird?”

She drums her fingers against the steering wheel. “Weird for us? Or weird for you?”

Pearl closes in on herself a bit at that. “…Both, I guess?”

The elder sister switches lanes to let a tailrider pass by. “I mean I don’t think mom’s got any issue with him, I think she’ll be way more thrown by being a grandma. And you know I like Chase, even if he’s got weird taste.” She jostles Pearl’s shoulder in jest. “Case in point.”

Pearl squints and gives a rude gesture. Macy grins and ignores it.

“So back to the not-your-boyfriend thing…”

Pearl whips her head back against her headrest and sinks down into her chair. “But that’s what’s so WEIRD about it, dude. Like, I punched my v-card to my best fucking friend. I’ve known him since we were kids, he’s like a box of all the most embarrassing stuff I’ve done in the last four years. The dude knows way too much shit about me and the only reason he hasn’t used it for **** is cause I know way too much shit about him. And on Friday I fucked him.” That headrest doesn’t deserve this punishment, surely.

“So… now you know a bit more about him?”

Pearl grumbles. “Yeah, and now he knows I have a fucking impreg kink for him to exploit.”

Macy bites the inside of her cheek. “...Sure. Point is, you’re thinking way too hard about this. Not that it really matters that much, but I’m pretty sure your first time turned out just fine.” She swats Pearl’s hand away from the temperature knob once again.

Pearl presses her knuckles to her cheek and grumbles some more. Alright, fine. Listen up, Sister.

“Okay, look, dude. I lost my virginity to Elijah McManus in tenth grade.”

“What, so you beat me? Also, didn’t ask.”

“Shush. I was at his place cause we were doing an Earth Sciences project together. His parents were out, so we figured we’d fool around. Long story short, he got performance anxiety, I got an allergic reaction from the condom, we got a C on the project, and we basically never spoke again.”

Pearl raises an eyebrow, possibly in pity. “Ooof.”

Macy breezes right past it. “But it didn’t matter. It was a pretty crappy first time, but so is most peoples’. I met other guys and went to college and learned more about myself and realized that sex can be pretty great if you do it right.”

Pearl looks away and picks at some skin on her arm. “I didn’t come out here to learn about my sister’s sex life, jeeze.”

Macy can’t help but laugh inwardly at the irony, what with her learning more today about her sister’s own private life than she ever thought she’d learn in a lifetime. “Look. You and Chase. You had a good time together, yeah?”

Pearl’s silence is answer enough.

“Which means you guys can consider yourselves among the few people who actually have a legit good first time around the block. You didn’t even get the oh my god what if I got pregnant panic that pretty much every teen girl has after their first time no matter how much protection they used.” Macy stops to let a lady and her tiny chihuahua cross the street.

“Count yourselves lucky, my guy. You’re fussing over literally nothing.”

She is aware enough to realize that part of Pearl’s concern is about how platonic this sex-buddy make-and-raise-a-kid-together relationship could realistically remain, and what the hell she even wants the answer to be. But Macy’s not about to press on that issue. Pearl and loaded emotion go together like oil and water. If she’s not outright talking about it, she’s not ready to.

Instead, Pearl just tries to turn off the air conditioning for the thousandth time, prompting Macy to take her wrist hostage lest she lose her precious breeze. “Oh my god, dude, enough. My car, my rules.”

“But I’m cold.”

“It is literally July first.”

“I’m still cold.”

She rolls her eyes but reaches back and pulls out a ratty varsity hoodie from under all the shopping bags, tucked away in the corner for use as a pillow during car naps. “This is what happens when your body gets used to wearing sweaters every day of the week, doofus.”

Pearl tentatively takes it from her, staring at it like she’d honestly rather perish than put it on. After a half-second Macy realizes it’s less because of the state of the thing and more about a severe **** to cover up a single other inch of skin.

Macy huffs and turns off the temperature herself. So long, lovely breeze, I will miss you every second. But the Nearly Naked One needs your ****, apparently. “How the heck are you going to survive the winter?”

Pearl is all-too-happy to toss the hoodie back behind her. “By being too busy being an incubator to go outside.”

Macy makes a non-committal noise as she pulls into parking spot in front of their local library. Uh huh, sure. I’m gonna get this preggo out in the snow if I have to drag her. “Okay, Ms. Incubator, let’s go learn you how to incubate.”

You stupid, silly, lovely little bean.

Ironically enough, the library is more air conditioned than her car ever was. Pearl quickly takes to trying to hide her shivering, and Macy is hit with the familiar sibling combo of thinking hah-take-that-idiot and genuinely feeling bad for her.

Their local library is a quaint little place, cozy and noticeably underfunded. There’s a gorgeous atrium in the center with a sprawling skylight that beams down across an impressive and well-watered indoor garden, which all clashes a bit with the fifteen-year-old computers and carpets overdue for a cleaning.

Some wandering and wrangling of the Dewey decimal system brings them in front of section 618.2 of the non-fiction section: pregnancy and childbirth. A well-stocked trove, to say the least. Must be a lot of expecting mothers in this town. Or are there actually quite few because most of them aren’t being checked out? Who knows. Point is, they aren’t starved for info.

Once it was out in the open, Pearl spent the afternoon speaking pretty casually about her getting up the duff. Pretty brazenly. And now that they’re actually here, with all these books talking about “this is your life now, here’s how to deal with it”, she’s…

She’s visibly nervous, is what she is. Enough that she stands firm when Macy tries to nudge her forward.

She’s tempted to point out that they’re just books, but honestly in many ways they probably seem to Pearl like the first step towards all this becoming actually real. Being casual and callous and joking about any given situation is always her preferred defense mechanism, up until cold, hard, irrefutable info becomes impossible to ignore. And at that point, her first instinct is usually to retreat.

But if anything has been made clear to Macy this afternoon, it’s that Pearl actually wants this, will apparently work for it, no matter how scary it may be.

That doesn’t mean she isn’t going to need a helping hand. Even if she absolutely sucks at asking for one.

Macy makes a big show of sighing and rolling her eyes. “Alright, doofus, go find a table. I’ll be there in five.” Pearl does not hesitate to follow her orders.

And so, the older Nowak sister sets to work piling up stacks of worn titles on female bodies. What to Expect… – definitely. Your Pregnancy Week by Week – for sure. Birth from Within – why not. The Miracle of the McCaughey Septuplets – Nyoope. YOU: Having a Baby – jeeze, dude, she sure is.

And of course, Macy can’t help but be reminded of what she was doing less than an hour ago, namely also picking things off shelves for Pearl’s sake while the girl in question sat elsewhere doing nothing. I hope the little bingus realizes how much I care about her, dammit.

Once she’s stacked her arms high enough to rest her chin on it, she sets off to find her sister. Who has taken refuge in the furthest-back table in the most remote corner of the library. Obviously. Thanks, sis, making me muscle these over all by myself. So kind of you.

Macy sets the books down in front of Pearl with a thump and collapses into the seat next to her. She did not spend all day on her feet at work to come here and exercise more.

Pearl tentatively takes the top book off the pile, opens to a random page and stares at the images and diagrams. Ah, yes, the patented Pearl Nowak Research method of “stare at pretty pictures and hope something clicks”. And their mom wonders why she didn’t do better in school.

But hey, she’s not gonna be alone in this. She’ll have her sister right next to her. And so, in pure loving gusto, Macy snatches a book for herself and they both silently settle into parallel reading of what the utter hell Pearl’s gonna be putting her body through.

Forty minutes later and Macy’s looked at what feels like two thousand uteral diagrams and she’s still not sure she knows what an endometrium is. Or if she really needs to.

It’s a strange experience, rifling through all the random things pregnancy can do to the body, all the things to constantly be aware of or things that can go wrong. Honestly, it’s all enough to make even her reconsider having kids a tiny bit. So that’s when you know it’s serious.

With each picture of a stretched belly or warning about not to do this or that physical activity, she remembers that Pearl is hardly locked into this yet. The conception has yet to happen. None of this stuff is a certainty, none of it is “this is what you’re up against”. It’s “this is what you’re choosing to go up against”. Pearl is still pursuing this, actively wanting to do this, against all odds. And damn it, if that ain’t something to be proud of her for.

All this seems in the back of Pearl’s mind, too. At her own corner of the table, she sifts through pages as though each one might simultaneously bring her closer to the gallows or closer to her greatest dream. She stops and pauses on a page listing various birth complications and reads it over quietly.

Macy gently takes her sister’s hand. “Hey, you’re gonna be okay, babe. Just gotta take care of yourself. If you don’t, I will.”

Pearl sighs a muted, unconfident sigh.

Macy’s a little lost herself. Her head’s also a bit mushed with medical lingo. She flips a page in her own book. “It’ll help if you, y’know, go to the doctor, hey?”

Pearl does a small nod, rubs her eye, and keels over to rest her head against Macy’s shoulder. Macy leans her head against Pearl’s and reaches over to rub her arm. “I wish I could just go to you instead,” her little sister mumbles against her.

“Hm?”

Pearl shifts her chair closer so their hips can touch. “Rather than the doctor, I mean.”

Macy, still reading the tome in front of her, skips right past a section on ectopic pregnancies. Not today, thank you. “A doctor’s gonna have a degree and credentials and a lot more know-how than me though. That’s why they’re a doctor.”

“Then friggin’ get ‘em then, dude.” Pearl adjusts Macy’s arm so that it covers her open back. “Isn’t that what you’re in school for? Becoming a baby doctor so you can take care of your struggling, pregnant, iaotrophobic little sister?” It seems this impromptu cuddle sesh has stopped being about comfort and is now about stealing her body heat. Macy has been had.

“An obstetrician.”

“See? You even know what they’re called. You’re set, just fucking do it. Also baby doctor sounds better.”

Her goosefleshed sister’s skin feels like ice against her own. Whatever. She’s not about to turn down a rare Pearl snuggle.

She can see where she’s coming from, sort of. Macy did enter college with the intention of going into some kind of health-related field, though she still never decided which one. And she kind of feels like she’s running out of time to pick.

The **** of their father and the events that surrounded it had very opposite effects on the Nowak sisters as children. Pearl, younger and more wide-eyed, became terrified to ever set foot in the hospital, which eventually grew into a **** to even visit their family doctor. Conversations on medical issues became immediate trajectories for her to nope right out.

Macy, however, just became more determinedly fascinated with the stuff. Older enough to have a slightly more grown-up sense of self, she used the incident as motivation to learn more about the body, about how it works and how to keep it afloat. How to prevent anything that might suddenly end it. How to honour her dad and what he went through. How to ensure other children don’t have to go through what her sister did.

She looked into working in ER, but pretty quickly realized the amount of bloody trauma and panic she would inevitably experience would be too much for her to handle. She’s only human, after all. So Macy figured she was destined to just become a nutritionist or something.

…But. What if instead of using that drive to do her damndest to prevent ****, she directed it towards helping to create life, instead? Could she do that?

She’s gotta do something, both in terms of school and for the sake of Pearl’s new path. How hard would it be to combine the two?

When news of her sister’s plans broke, Macy had been elated, but she worried about how on earth she could even contribute. Her role as a guiding figure, an older sister, had mostly evaporated, what with her not knowing anything about the area her sister was exploring.

But what if she learned?

She could do it. She could enter into obstetrics. She could learn about proper diet, how to recognize potential issues, how to respond to the first signs of labour. It wouldn’t replace Stefani’s expertise, of course, but she could act as an apprentice in-home doctor. Maybe. Probably.

“…Huh.”

Maybe her little sister is on to something.

Pearl, totally unaware of the epiphany right next to her, is suddenly whining about something written in front of her. “Maaan, I’m prolly gonna get stretch marks, aren’t I.” She pulls the book closer and pouts. “Fuck,” she mutters beneath her breath.

Yeah, okay, dude. “If you eat properly and take care of your body you’ll most likely be fine. Also if you exercise a lot, that’ll help.”

Pearl slumps against her, almost falling out of her chair. “That’s woooooooooorrrse.”

“It’s not gonna kill you. Look, you do this right, and you will,” the if I have to **** you is implicit, “you get this.” She pushes her open book under Pearl’s nose.

On it, there’s a full page spread of a loving new mother cradling her baby in her arms. It grabs at her face with tiny fingers, and the look of love across her features is gentle, pure, and all-encompassing.

Pearl looks down at the photo, fiddling with her own hands. A small spark of a similar expression appears across her own face.

It’s the most bizarre thing in the world, Macy thinks, to envision Pearl, her baby sister, holding a baby of her own. A product of her own motherly love. And having pushed it out of her god damn body. What a concept.

She’s gonna get her sister there or die trying.

Pearl slowly brings her eyes back towards her own book and flips forward, landing on a page depicting an expecting woman in her underwear measuring her very round belly with a measuring tape. Lost in thought, they both take it in.

It occurs to Macy that the idea of Pearl in a pre-baby state is just as foreign and strange to her. Pearl, gravid like a bowling ball. Pearl, tummy taut as she waddles around. Pearl, growing life inside her very own body. Belly curved and buoyant and outward like she’s proudly bearing proof of her own fertility to the world. Pearl.

The young woman in question, still slim-stomached, takes a breath in and out, shaky and slow. Her eyes remain locked on the picture. Macy figures it’s probably even more strange a concept for her herself, and perhaps she’s internally trying to come to terms with everything that-

No. Nope. Never mind. Macy read her wrong. That is not a pensive look, no no.

Apparently, she’s just contracted The Horny.

Welp.

In a quick effort to move on, Macy flips the book shut and adds it on top of the rest. Might as well bring the whole lot for at-home study. Because honestly, she might need it almost as much as Pearl does. Maybe. She’ll see. “Did you bring your library card?”

Pearl, still in a particular state, blinks a few times and looks up, not having heard her. Shockingly. “...What?”

Oh for goodness’ sake, woman. At least her teenage hormones will serve her well in getting the coming deed done. “We can’t exactly take out the books without a library card. Or becoming thieves.”

“I don’t have one.”

“Wow, lame. All the cool kids have one.” She swaggles her head haughtily. “I guess you can use mine,” she says, rifling around in her wallet to pull out a colourful plastic card and pushing it towards Pearl.

Pearl takes it. “Why do you have one?”

Macy begins building two evenly weighted stacks. “Got it on a third grade field trip, obvi.” Ain’t no way Pearl isn’t helping with the grunt work this time, no sir.

Pearl flips the card over in observation, taking in the many stickers adorning its face. Among them are a cartoony octopus, a very faded Magic Tree House, and a unicorn with its head scratched off because it was accidentally covering the barcode. “Yeah, that tracks.”

Macy stifles a giggle, lets out an affronted gasp and snatches it away. “Hey, this is the single coolest, most badass library card in the history of the universe, and I won’t hear otherwise from an uncool kid who doesn’t even have one, capisce?”

Pearl rolls her eyes and quirks a fraction of a smile. “Sure, dude. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

As they both muscle books under their arms and head towards the computer-scanner, Macy reflects on the card in her hand. Come to think of it, it is kind of ironic to use such a childlike, whimsical thing to check out borderline not-safe-for-work content.

As luck would have it, both of the self-checkout computers are apparently out of order. A sign directs them to please check out their books in person at the front desk instead. Pearl seems uncomfortable with this turn of events.

They drag both piles of books towards the main desk and plonk them in front of the librarian sat behind it, who does a slow onceover of their collected titles. Wordlessly, judgingly, she raises an eyebrow towards Pearl.

The woman is short, hunched, and white-haired. No feasible way she’s south of sixty-five, and that’s being generous. She’s even got those little bead chain glasses to really add to the stereotype. So now they’ve got Mrs. Conservative Grandma Library Lady thickening the air with all kinds of judgesumptions while she scans each book with agonizing slowness. Macy can practically hear the cogs creaking in her head: ‘silly little child got herself pregnant’ – ‘young people these days with their sex before marriage’ – ‘probably never even heard of protection before’ – ‘shame that one mistake can ruin your whole life, shouldn’t have been a dumb little word-that-rhymes-with-door’.

Nah, bitch, this puffball is doing the whole shebang on purpose. So take that.

The Puffball is tense and fidgety under the librarian’s gaze. Leave it to an old person to leverage judgement that cuts through your soul without saying a word. Worst part is, Macy can see it dissuading Pearl. She’s probably wondering things like if she really is making a mistake, if this is how everyone will react. If this is even close to worth it.

Oh no you don’t. I am GETTING this baby.

Stepping forward, Macy prepares to take the brunt of the ‘blame’, so to speak. She could just say that all the books are for her, imply she’s the one who made a stupid mistake and got herself knocked up. She’s not that much older than Pearl, but she probably looks at least slightly more adult and capable than the girl with the ratty sneakers and her cleavage out like it’s Christmas Day. But as she opens her mouth to speak, an alternate option occurs to her.

Pearl has found today a sense of newfound confidence, at least in some areas. She achieved, however briefly, a kind of “I don’t care what the world thinks” attitude that many people never get to exercise. But if she could get there, even if she isn’t right now, perhaps Macy can too. And before she can stop herself, she’s speaking.

Now it’s my turn to embarrass you, O sister of mine.

Besides, no one gets to make you feel small and get away with it. Not when I’m around.

“Hi ma’am, just wondering, did you have a problem with my sister getting knocked all the way up?”

The little old lady scrunches her mouth, evidently not used to being called out on her judgey judgeness. Pearl, at her side, balks. “Whuh- I’m not even there yet-”

“No, but you’re gonna be. Does that bother you, Mrs. I-Think-Plaid-Goes-With-My-Crocs?”

The woman fiddles consciously with her plaid vest. That is not the problem part of the equation, ma’am. Macy charges onward.

“Does it bother you that my baby sister is gonna just get railed on like a daily basis? That some dude with a dick is gonna bend her over and pump her full of man juice?”

The crotchety old librarian looks like her eyes are about to bulge out of her skull. Pearl buries her face in her hands and whimpers an “oh my god”. That’s right, ain’t no stopping me, Pearly Wearly.

“Seriously! You would not believe the things this little bean is gonna get up to. Just imagine, her and her boy-toy going at it six ways from Sunday, mashing their bits together furiously like the world’s gonna end next week.” She glares pointedly at her palms and smacks them together rapidly.

“That boy is gonna plump her up real good, I’ll tell you what. Stuff her like a Thanksgiving turkey. She’s gonna leak sex juice alllllll over the place. He’s gonna get this silly li’l teenage bag of hormones so goddamn pregnant, she’s gonna have to waddle like a penguin. Literally bursting with fetus. All because her best friend blasted a big fat nut waaaay up inside her.”

The lady behind the desk is scanning books with four times the speed, clearly wanting this interaction to be over as soon as possible. Pearl, feeling similarly, tilts her head towards the ceiling, clenches her hands, and squeaks out a “Macy.”

Macy continues, alternating between an exaggerated, girly cadence and a grunty and comically deep one:

“‘Ohhhh, Chase, point your cum cannon at my poor, defenseless eggs and make me a fat teenage mommy, you turn my puss-puss into a slip-n-slide’ –
‘Aw, yeah, Pearl, you’re gonna birth my kid so good I’ll pound twenty more into you, also you got nice titties’ –
‘Oh, Chase, I loooove showing you all my curves and can’t wait til I’m big and round and the world can see the stupid, immature, ‘mistake’ you fucked into me’ –
‘Aw, yeah, Pearl, we’re such good friends’ –”

Avoiding eye contact entirely, the elderly woman pushes the whole checked-out pile of books towards the girls and smacks the card and a receipt on top. Pearl shoves Macy out of the way and tries to pick up the entire stack herself, **** to get the hell out of Dodge before she shrivels up and dies.

“‘Oh, Chase, seed me deep, seed me deep’ –
‘Aw, yeah Pearl, we’re gonna shower this kid in so much love and affection it’ll vomit rainbows’ –”

Precariously balancing a dozen or so books under her chin with one hand, Pearl grabs Macy’s arm aggressively with the other and marches her toward the door. As she’s being dragged away, Macy meets the eye of the checkout lady one last time. She holds up both hands, makes a circle with one, and pokes a finger back and forth through it with the other, all while locked in a dead stare with the woman.

That felt gooooooooooooooood.

Most of the car ride home, Pearl is curled up in the passenger seat, face in hands while Macy cackles her head off.

“Oh my god I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate-”

It’s been a hell of a day. Macy has come face-to-face with numerous truths she would not have ever thought could exist, and the two of them have become closer for it. With this, with everything, Macy truly feels home. And never has it felt so good to be so, right alongside the sister that she’ll love to the ends of the earth.

Said sister is still bearing the brunt of her most recent and most devious sibling tease ****, but she’ll survive. And then, she’ll go on to do so much more.

She’ll go on to navigate through conception, three trimesters of pregnancy, taking on the mantle of mother, and then, finally, the long, bizarre, confusing and magical path of parenthood.

What a strange and wondrous journey this will surely be.

And Macy can’t wait to soak up every second of it.