Sister Shenanigans, Part 2: “Yo How do I Seduce my Friend”

When Macy returned home from school three weeks ago, the biggest thing on her mind was reconnecting with her little sister.

College is a weird phase of life. You and all your peers are both reveling in and aghast at all your newfound freedom. Some of the kids Macy knew growing up are having their first children, some are serving their first jail time, and some are turning on a stove for the first time.

Macy has never had a fear of change, but it’s hard not to feel lost in the tide when it seems like every little aspect of her life is in flux. Coming home after half a year away is like a tentative reset, a return to a simpler time when she still lived in her childhood bedroom, with power metal thumping from the next room over and a mom coming in every half-hour to ask if she’s hungry.

Her high school years have never felt so close and so far away at the same time.

Macy likes to think she’s grown a lot in the three years since graduation. She’s made some mistakes, she’s seen some sights, and she’s learned a lot about herself. Now, returning home, she hoped to pass on some of that wisdom to her little spitfire of a sister, who is now suddenly facing the same kind of daunting new freedom. Like the good older sister she wants to be.

Instead, it turned out that little spitfire is way ahead of her, is already embarking on a journey that will shape her entire future. A journey that Macy knows she herself won’t be ready for for years to come.

Macy wants kids. She knows that. She’s always known that. But before she even starts trying, she wants to be financially stable, she wants a safe and sure trajectory in which the needs of herself and the child are all met and there is as little as possible external stuff to be stressed about. Plus, she needs, y’know, an actual guy in her life close and willing to not only donate his DNA but commit himself to being a present father and partner. And she is leap years way from accomplishing any of that.

But, somehow, her sister has wrangled all of that within two days of finishing high school. Her little sister, even less versed in life than she is. She didn’t even want kids on Friday. If you had implied to the Pearl of last week that she’d ever be a mother she’d have mimed a finger-gun to her head. And now she’s practically throwing herself at the possibility.

And… why shouldn’t she? If Chase can just claim stuff at will, get them all the diapers and daycare fees and dino nuggies they could ever need with a couple of sentences, then all that’s really left is to have the dang kid.

So now, as an older sister, Macy’s role has kind of dissipated. She’s got no knowledge or wisdom to contribute in this area. Given everything, it’s hard not to feel rather… useless.

And maybe a little bit jealous, too.

It’s a lot on her mind as the pair carries their haul towards checkout. Macy’s silence and spaciness might create a concerning view from the outside, as Pearl, being the kind and considerate sibling she’s known to be, apparently feels the need to check up on her.

“What’s going on in your little brain this time, wackjob?”

Macy blinks and shakes her head a little. “I dunno. It’s just a lot, I guess. You’ve got a boyfriend. And you guys are actually trying to have a baby. It’s so much to take in.”

“Okay, I did say he wasn’t my boyfriend. He’s my friend. Shut up,” Pearl retorts as an employee is summoned over the store speakers.

Macy casts a skeptically amused look at her sister. “Ah yes, making love for the purpose of procreation, what a fun platonic activity for friends to do.”

Pearl mumbles something under her breath along the lines of “that’s what I said.”

“Hm?”

“Nothing. We’re like, friends with benefits. I guess.”

“Friends with babymaking benefits?”

A brief falter in Pearl’s step. “Yeah.”

“So what do you guys get to call it then? Pregnancy Partners? Procreation Pals? Childbearing Chums?” She chews the inside of her cheek. “…Breeding Buddies is a bit too crass, isn’t it.”

Pearl snorts. “It really isn’t. Fuck it, yeah, he’s my breeding buddy. Two breeding buds against the world. Knocking heads and knocking me the fuck up, that’s us.”

…Allllllllrighty then.

Eventually, they manage to cross the breadth of the store to the checkout and unload their mountains of clothing. The cashier, looking like she’d give anything to be at home with a bath of bubbles and some bubbly, takes a look at the two young women and their acquired mass of merchandise and heaves the kind of quiet sigh that can only be understood by retail workers.

She checks each item, bags each item, asks if they have a membership, asks if they want a membership, and a full ten minutes later tells them their total. Tanks, tees, tops, tights, bikinis, balcony bras, lacy underwear, shorts and short skirts (skirts. Never did she ever think a skirted Pearl would exist. Dear lord, I hope she puts on underwear underneath) all add up to nearly nine hundred dollars’ worth of clothing. And not a single hoodie in sight. What strange days these are.

Now, Macy may have grown up quite privileged, but she knows that a cool nine hundo is nothing to sneeze at. And she seriously doubts that her sister has accumulated enough allowance to cover that much. So she’s half expecting Pearl to whip out a swiped credit card from their mom and fall back on the ol’ ‘forgiveness better than permission’ rule.

Instead, she just thrusts her phone into the face of the could-not-care-less cashier. And that’s apparently enough. The lady, a ‘Janet’ according to her tag, just looks it over and says a half-hearted “thanks for shopping with us, please come again.” Pearl smiles like cat that caught the canary and starts loading up bags into her arms.

What.

Are they shoplifting? Is Janet helping them shoplift? Is she really that over her job?

“Did you have, like, a mega-voucher on your phone or something?”

Pearl, still emanating smugness like she just won the lottery, pushes her phone under Macy’s nose.

Contact: [Eggplant Emoji]
Chase: Ok but like we don’t even know if it’ll work
Pearl: Well we’re going to find out aren’t we
Pearl: Please I really want to try this
Pearl: Before I go like a thousand in debt
Chase: Am I just your piggy bank now. I don’t feel very appreciated Pearl. I thought what we had was special. Now I see what you just want me for my money
Pearl: Nah dude I want you for your cock too
Chase: Rude
Chase: I am not just a sex god Pearl. I have feelings too
Pearl: Oh my god
Pearl: She’s almost done please don’t make me pay for this myself
Chase: Say it
Pearl: What
Chase: Say I’m a sex god
Pearl: Oh my god fuck off
Pearl: Chase
Pearl: CHASE I NEED TO PAY
Pearl: YOU’RE A SEX GOD WITH DICK AND BALLS THAT WILL GET TO IMPREGNATE THE FUCK OUT OF MY PUSSY IF YOU LET ME FUCKING PAY
Chase: I, Chase Wallin, claim all the clothing Pearl Nowak is attempting to buy on this Sunday, July 1st, between 3 and 4 PM, and gift them to her.
Pearl: Holy shit it worked
Pearl: Why the fuck is it so specific
Chase: You’re welcome
Chase: So you can’t **** it
Pearl: Screw you
Chase: Maybe later

…These kids. These utter children. Who gave them the babymaking reins?

“So you basically just have your own personal money stream from your best friend now?” Macy asks as they exit out the sliding glass doors. “Lucky you.”

Pearl smirks glibly and makes an ‘mm-hm’ kind of noise. This girl has never been left financially wanting as a child, and now the stars seem to have aligned so that she might never be as an adult either.

“So does that make you his sugar baby?”

Pearl abruptly halts, arms still laden with bags. “Ex-cuse me??”

Macy laughs and maneuvers her own bags so she can walk backwards while throwing her grin directly towards her sister. “You totally are! He’s your sugar daddy baby-daddy!” She gasps. “You’re his babymaking sugar baby! His sugar babymomma!”

Pearl huffs and kicks impetuously at her ankles. Macy shrieks and twirls away. They continue their little sibling dance all the way back to the car.

After dumping enough tight clothing to make a strip club closet jealous in the backseat of the Crapmobile, Macy’s met with the fact that she hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast. And since Pearl is pretty much always down to chow, it seems finding an easy bite to eat is in order. The Pre-Preganté Pearl and her Wily Older Sister Shopping Bonding Spree + Bruh I STILL Don’t Know Why We’re Going to the Library (partially functional title) is due for an intermission. And hey, they are right next to a mall. Even if the food court is all the way on the other side.

So now they’re strolling past fountains and phone stores, Pearl getting the chance to publicly exercise her new fashion attitudes for the first time. Legs on display, breasts swaying with every step, head held high.

And it makes Macy nervous.

Maybe it shouldn’t: Pearl is clearly comfortable, and she is meeting the presumed minimal requirements for a mall dress code, if barely. But the various subtle and not-so-subtle looks she’s attracting, ranging from weirdly impressed to vaguely scandalized to downright lecherous, have got Macy a bit on edge.

Pearl, of course, is having much the opposite response. She doesn’t address the attention directly, but she does seem to soak it in, letting it quietly motivate her to show off more. Heck, she’s practically strutting. Preening like a peacock. An edgy, goth-y, Pearl-y peacock. And Macy can’t help but be reminded of her “showing the world my bits is good actually” speech from earlier.

Don’t I know that guy? Didn’t we go to high school together? Oh, god, is he going to notice me? …No, of course he isn’t. He’s too distracted by my sister’s boobs.

All these thoughts are tinged with a bit of guilt over her own embarrassment. Said sister is the one who’s going through this shift, not her, and why should she ever be embarrassed to be around her? Maybe she ought to take a page out of Pearl’s book. Screw all their judgement. Her sister’s cool as hell. Even if her outfit is more skin than cloth right now.

With every look she gets, Pearl sticks her chest out a tiny bit more. Macy isn’t even sure she’s aware she’s doing it. And, dear god, is she swaying her hips? Sweet, innocent, edgy little foul-mouth Pearl? Is this really her?

It’s like she’s convinced the world she’s someone else: some kind of sashaying, scandalous, sensual vixen of a woman. And Macy feels like the only one who really knows what an utter dork is under there.

Or she does, at least until Pearl stops, punches her sister in the arm, says “dude holy shit,” and zooms over, chest flailing, to a display shelf in a toy store, almost colliding with it in the process. She lifts a giant plastic model of a t-rex above her head like it’s The Lion King, presses a button on its chest and cackles along with the mechanical toy roar it lets out.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Macy has already settled in to her ahi tuna poke bowl with edamame when Pearl clamors over double fisting a pair of burgers and a large coke while crooking a 20 pc nuggets under her arm. She’s never been a stingy eater, of course, but it’s still a whole meal and a half.

“I got up at like two and bussed right over, didn’t eat shit this morning. Lay off the judgey eyes,” Pearl says.

Ah, the summer freedom of youth. Getting to sleep in past noon. And eat like garbage. “Up til the wee hours watching anime or something?” Macy retorts.

Pearl twiddles her straw. “Or something.”

As her sister takes a bite from two nuggets at once, Macy reflects on their itinerary for the rest of the day. Still one stop to go.

“So, again, why the library? You read like one book a year.”

Pearl speaks through a mouthful of nugget. “Fuck you, I read plenty.”

“Manga doesn’t count.”

Pearl swallows nugget three and jabs the fourth at Macy accusingly. “It’s pronounced mong-guh, you know it’s pronounced mong-guh, and we’re going because I need literature on how get a fucking baby inside me.”

Macy plucks the nugget from her outstretched arm and take a small bite. “Aw, babe, did Mom never explain it you? See, God gave you these special parts that-”

Pearl leans forward and snatches it back. “I’m not gonna hear this from someone who has less actual babymaking experience than me.”

…And that’s a touché Macy didn’t ever think she’d be able to give.

“So what’s the confusion then? Sounds like you already know what to do. Just take off your clothes and let instinct take over. You don't even have to worry about all the weirdnesses of protection, you lucky bean.”

Pearl props an arm on the table and leans her face against it. “Yeah but like… the first time, Chase did everything. He started it, he finished it, he flipped the magical switch in my head. I didn’t even really do much except get blasted inside.”

Macy pops a radish slice in her mouth. “Oof, girl, don’t be a pillow princess.”

Pearl groans. “Yeah okay okay I get it, I need to do shit, but like… I don’t know how to fucking seduce someone or whatever. I’m not about to go spouting lovey-dovey shit, but it’s not like I can walk up to him, turn around, bend over, pull my pants down, point at my crotch and say fill ‘er up.”

Ah, to see her sister learn the birds and bees. Warms Macy’s heart. “Given what I know about men, that would honestly prob work wonders.”

Pearl stares in thought for a sec. “…Noted.”

Macy chews on her tuna. “So, what, were you gonna check out the Kama Sutra or something? Platonic Procreation 101? How to Harmonize with your ‘Breeding Buddy’?”

Pearl swings her legs onto the table and leans back. This is not the behaviour of someone ready to wear a skirt, especially sans underwear. “I mean yeah maybe, if I can find it, but more like… How Not to Die from Childbirth and shit like that. Books on what it’ll actually be like to be pregnant.”

Macy inches her bowl away from Pearl’s feet. “You won’t be able to sit like that, I’ll tell you that much.”

Pearl pauses halfway through a burger bite to glance down at her sitting position. Legs bent and propped up, her thighs are practically touching her bosom. Yeah, not really any room for a baby in that space.

She self-consciously lifts her legs down from the table and sits up straight. “Awesome. Can’t wait to be a bloated whale,” she mutters.

And that’s not entirely sarcasm. Wild.

“Independent research is good and all, but why not just ask the doctor? You’re gonna have to visit her at some point anyway, she could probably recommend some stuff. When you gonna do that?”

Now suddenly very aware of her stomach, Pearl sits up rigid in her chair. “How about never?”

Right. Her disdain for medical institutions is going to pose a problem. And while Macy gets it, she still sure ain’t having it. “Pearl, for the sake of both you and your baby, you are going to need to talk to a doctor at some point. You can’t wait to tell her you’re pregnant until you’re at the dang hospital, that’s rude.”

Pearl seems hesitant to look her in the eye. “Who says I even need a hospital? People gave birth in their homes for thousands of years. I don’t need a hospital bed or any of that shit, I’ll give birth to the baby on the same bed it was conceived in. Symbolism, or something.”

Macy makes a noise like she swallowed a cat. “That- you- that’s digusti- you don’t want amniotic gunk on your- you can’t just-” She stand up and whaps her hands down on the table. Ow. “Pearl if the first goddamn thing that my niece or nephew ever sees is your Dangan-freaking-ronpa pillow I swear-” Her breath catches very suddenly in her throat and her eyes go wide.

A beat passes and Pearl eyes her warily. “…You need another moment or…?”

“Oh. My god. I’m going to be an aunt. I’m going to have a niece or nephew.”

Pearl snorts confusedly. “Did you seriously just realize that?”

Macy settles back in her chair, eyes no less wide. “I was just focused on you and worrying about you I didn’t stop and think about me and that I’m going. To be. An aunt.”

Birthday parties and babysitting and getting to watch this little creature grow up and be a cousin to her own kids when they come along and will she be a cool chill aunt or an over-the-top aunt? Let’s face it she’s gonna be the second one god it’s a good thing they don’t have a third sister because Macy would fucking decimate her at being the best aunt in existence-

She leans over the table and yanks Pearl’s hand into both of her own. Pearl flinches slightly.

“Pearl Nowak, you are going to make me an aunt and I will love you forever for it but I swear to god for the sake of my not-even-conceived-yet nephew or niece you are going to give birth in a proper hospital like a civilized human being and you are going to go to Doctor Stefani and make sure this entire goddamn pregnancy runs as smooth as freaking silk and you are going to get an ultrasound so that I can see my perfect little niece slash nephew as soon as humanly possible. Am. I. Bloody clear??”

Pearl, taken aback, flits her eyes towards the worker behind the counter at the Golden Wok, who seems to suddenly remember his only business is handing out cheap Chinese food. And Macy herself suddenly remembers that they’re in a public food court. Screw it. She ain’t backing down.

“…Okay,” Pearl finally says, faced with the ire of her sister.

“Pinkie Promise.”

Pearl almost snorts again, but reels herself in. “…Seriously?”

Macy slams her elbow down on the table (ow again) and sticks out her little finger as aggressively as she can. Eyebrows raised half in bemused amusement, half in possibly fear, Pearl slowly sticks her own out as well.

Macy intertwines their digits and clamps down with every muscle her finger has, glaring all the while. Once she’s satisfied, she releases. Then shifts gears.

Pressing the side of her head against the cool metal of the table, she lets out a dreamy, heavy sigh. “I’m gonna be an aaaaauuuunnt…”

Pearl shakes out her hand to regain feeling before resuming her previous burger activities. “Why is it I’m the one who’s making the kid inside me but you’re the one who’s over the moon about it?”

Macy’s all but asea in her own emotions at this point. “You are too, in your own special way,” she still manages to say, though she might be too lost in bliss to produce any more coherent thought than that.

A few more quiet moments pass as Pearl finishes off her meal. Macy’s bowl sits off to the side, entirely forgotten.

Without looking up, Macy lifts her arm up and taps a finger on her sister’s nose. “Booooooooop.”

Pearl pushes it away and gets up to throw her cardboard in the recycling. “We doing this or what?”

Without looking behind her she starts her haughty, bouncy walk back to the car. Macy just continues to lie there, swimming in her own lovely overwhelm.

After a minute, she giggles to herself, rises, packs up the rest of her meal, and jogs after her little sister.

Holy crap, I’m gonna be such a good aunt.