Shnockered

Xander was slightly worried about how things were going. Not that things were bad. Rather... well, the wine had been a surprise. But he had assumed that as the only one here tonight who had never imbibed the stuff that he would be the one with the worst reaction so he had limited himself to just one glass.

That had been a bad assumption. Apparently it was Cordy and Joyce who had both over estimated how well they could handle their wine. The two lovely ladies were down right giddy and giggling often as they got pretty frank about things.

There were topic women talked about that Xander never wanted to hear about again. He could kill monsters and deal with gore but women and periods and cramps and... and no thank you.

Although that had been better then the last few minutes. They were now talking about the last thing he ever wanted to hear an adult, especially one he admired, talk about. Sex. He was mortified, his head in his hands as two very drunk ladies conversed openly.

"And that... that was tha' las' time we evah 'ad anal sex." Joyce finished her talk as she finished her glass of wine. "It, uhm, it coulda been good but Hank just couldna be bothered to take his time. Nobiddy... nobody wants a dick jush shlammed up their ash. You hafta take your time wif it."

Cordelia nodded her head and looked at Xander, "Tha's on you. You bedder learn from her missakes. I don' wan' your dick slammed up my butt. Don' hurt my butt Xand."

Xander raised his head and looked at his strangley pleading girlfriend. He had no idea how this had happened, he had lost control of the conversation an hour ago. Now he just wanted it to stop. He wanted the two drunk women to stop.

"Don worry Cordelia, Xander's a good boy. He'll fuck your ash proper." Joyce smiled at them.

"Good." Cordelia smiled and nodded her head, "Then he can fuck my butt as mush as he wans."

"God, please spare me." Xander looked heavenward and begged. As much as he wanted to hear that he didnt want to hear it now in this situation.

"I... I fink she's smilin' at me now." Cordelia waved her almost empty wine glass at the weird statue on the table.

Joyce slumped to the side and craned around to get a look at the statue. "It, uh, it does... does look like it's smiling."

Cordy pointed a Joyce waving her off hand at her dress, "Careful, you gonna pop a boob out."

Joyce laughed and grabbing the top of her dress made a show out of pulling it up. "Whoopsy Daisy."

"Okay. I, uh... I think we should all, uh, adjourn to the living room as dinner is definitely done." Xander stood up and moved to Cordelia's chair, he looked around nervously for some way to keep things from getting worse. "I'll clean up the dinner and brew some coffee while getting started on the dishes. You two just go sit and relax."

Cordelia and Joyce didnt pay Xander any attention as he rambled, they were both focused on the statue. To their eyes it seemed the statue frowned and briefly glowed. The distinct impression of disappointment was imprinted on them. Both had the same thought run across their minds, that a man doing womans labor was wrong. They were failing their goddess.

They both jolted when Xander cleared his throat.

"What?" Cordelia asked softly, blinking her eyes up at Xander.

Xander smiled down at her, "Why dont you and Joyce just have a seat in the living room. I'll finish up in here."

"No. No, no, no." Joyce slowly pushed herself to her feet. "Tha's my jog... job."

Xander laughed, "Yeah, no. I got it. You cooked. I clean." Xander practically had to manhandle a protesting Cordelia to get her to her feet.

"S'women's work." Cordy protested as she set her glass down. "Our job."

"Oy." Xander had had enough. With a flourish he bent and grabbed Cordelia and picked her up in a bear hug and carried her into the living room despite her shrieking. Setting her on her feet as she swayed for a second Xander hurried back to the dining room, grabbed Joyce up in a similar bear hug and deposited her next to Cordelia.

"You two sit and relax." Xander backed away and immediately made his way to the table and took away the wine glasses.

Alone in the living room the duo of drunken ladies looked across the way to the statue on the dining room table. They both would swear that the statue was glowing with light and was looking furious with them.