She used me, violated my body—and I let her

{if Darkness < 50}

What she did was a violation, no matter how my body reacted. No matter how warm I felt under her touch. She didn't ask. She just took.

And I let her.

That burns worst of all. Not the bite, not the weakness, but the fact that my body betrayed me. I should've screamed and fought. Done anything except melt like that. It makes me feel... used. Weak. Like Trevor.

She's out there, somewhere, probably trying to find me and further taint my body or even do something... worse to me.

Lucius said she's impulsive and that she acts on instinct, which makes her more like an animal. I believe him. But animals don't leave you aching afterward.

I clench my fists. I won’t let her get to me again. I don’t care how good her feeding made me feel. That’s the trap, isn’t it? That slippery slope that turns people into her playthings. I saw it in Trevor’s eyes—emptiness with a smile.

No. I refuse. If I have to stay inside forever, fine. If I have to fight her next time, I will. I just have to keep my head on straight and reject this fucking poison she injected me with.

And... I'll have to ignore that tiny, poisonous whisper that says she made me feel so damn good...

{else}

She took advantage of me. Fed on me. Used me. That’s not desire, that’s violation. And yet... my thighs press together just thinking about it.

Damn it.

I hate this. I hate that part of me wants it again. That even as I tell myself it was wrong, my mind keeps replaying how it felt. Her breath on my skin. Her voice in my ear. My body answering her like it was built for it.

No. No no no—I’m stronger than this.

I move to stand but realize my hand's between my legs. At some point, I started touching myself without thinking. Like my body has its own will now, and it's hers.

That snaps me out of it. I recoil, ashamed, heart pounding. This isn’t who I am. I’m not like Trevor. I’m not going to turn into her new psycho puppet on a string.

I wipe my hand on the blanket like it’s a crime scene.

I just need to breathe. Clear my head. Get out of this trap before it pulls me under.

But god, I can still feel her mouth on my neck...

{endif}