She Finds My Toys

"What the fuck is this?" she asks, her voice wavering between incredulity and disbelief as she tugs her hand out and turns to face me.

"It's..." I stumble and stutter, narrowing my eyes as I look down at it, "It's an action figure?"

Rachel doesn't say anything. Instead she just kind of lifts the figure up and shakes it at me like she's emphasizing something and the she tilts her head forward, giving me an expression like she's not sure if I'm pulling a stupid joke or really just that dumb.

I'm really just that dumb.

"There are... Was that not..." I stammer, searching for a sentence to finish, "I've got others. Some water pistols too and a few stuffed animals. Board games are on the bottom but I don't really think those count as toys and I don't really know... how... that's relevant..."

Rachel doesn't say anything, but now she doesn't need to. The slowest horse, namely me, finally makes it over the finish line.

"Those weren't the kind of toys you had in mind," I say, "You were talking... like..."

I want her to finish the sentence. I think, considering the fact that we've got a bit of a burgeoning friendship here and considering the fact that I've put myself out there and wound up humiliating myself, that maybe she just might owe me that courtesy.

So I draw the last word out and until I'm just basically making the sound of static and she doesn't give me an ounce of mercy and frankjly my estimation that maybe I deserve it really isn't vaild either.

I don't deserve it.

I'm a goddamn idiot and I totally ruined the mood here.

"Sex toys," I finish finally, not in the fun way, breathing out the word like it's the last thing I want to say because coincidentally it absolutely fucking is.

Closing my eyes helps a bit. It at least means that I get to make up the way she's looking at me while I blush with embarrasment.

"I'm such an idiot," I moan, once more not in the fun way, and fall back onto the bed with my hand clapped over my face.

"Needless to say I don't have those," I confess in a rush, the words tumbling out as one long stream of consciousness without break, "Not exactly easy to come by when you're in a tiny town where the closest thing to sexual enlightenment is the seedy part of the video rental store behind the beaded curtain and I'd always just kind of well I guess I didn't really do much of much with anything but I'd never really thought of it and I was kind of a little caught up in the moment and I clearly read your statement all wrong and I know that I look like a complete idiot here and I have totally ruined the moment which sucks because I was absolutely having a good time in fact the best of times and you should probably-"

Kiss me? Not kiss me. She's kissing me.

Rachel is straddling me and kissing me and stilling me into silence with surprise and she's kissing me until I melt and start to kiss her back so when she finally does pull away I kind of chase her lips for a moment before I fall breathless back down to the bed.

"You are an idiot," she says, "But you're an adorable one. I see why he likes you."

"Who?" I ask, dreamily.

"All of them," she replies, "Every last boy, and me too."

She kisses me again and I try not to let it mean something but it kind of does and it kind of sparks a memory of it happening again, with her in the future and down a fork that will be waiting for me if I keep on falling into her arms.

It's just that it feels so good to fall into her arms.

It's just that I feel so good when I'm here.

It's just that she makes me feel good, nearly good enough to satisfy.

But not quite.

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