She's been seeing Steve

I was getting really concerned now. There was genuine fear in her eyes amid the tears, as if whatever she had to tell me would be world-rocking.

"Corrine, you know that you can tell me anything..."

Finally she whispered, "I've been... I've been seeing Steve."

It took me a moment to process what she had just told me. After all, we were currently naked in bed, having just had amazing sex, so my mind wasn't operating at full capacity. Then suddenly...

Ding! Light bulb!

"Wait... Steve-Steve? As in ****-dealing, douchey, treats people like garbage Steve? That particular Steve?"

Her only reply was to glance off to the side.

"Oh, come on, Corrine!" I said with an aggravated sigh, laying back on the bed. "What were you...? H-how...?"

Before she answered, she sat up and brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Had I not been so flummoxed in that moment, I would have really appreciated the sight of her fully-bare back.

"We bumped into each other at a party a few weeks ago. I was... I was a little drunk, so I wasn't exactly in the best state of mind. He seemed genuinely interested in how I was doing and... oh, I dunno, he was mysterious and hot and buff..."

"Really making me feel good here, Corrine," I grumbled, not even attempting to hide my annoyance.

She bowed her head, hugging herself gently. "I'm sorry... I... I wasn't..."

She seemed to shiver for a second before she regained her composure. "We... we ended up making out and...well, I gave him my number. I... I wanted to tell Talia. I wanted to tell all of you... but I didn't. After what happened with you and Amy, I didn't want to bring up any more drama."

Despite my growing anger, I felt a pang of guilt deep in my gut. Once again, my actions have caused a ripple-effect that have influenced my friends...

I pulled myself out of these thoughts as she continued, "Since then, we've seen each other once or twice. Nothing serious, just... you know, making out and stuff..."

I felt myself growing angry as I listened to her talk. Making out and stuff? Define 'and stuff', please. Suddenly our lovemaking seemed like some tarnished thing in my mind.

"Anyway," she continued, "He's... he's been kind of pressuring me for sex..."

"Really? Steve the douche-bag? That sounds so unlike him," I remarked, more annoyed than ever. "So what, was this supposed to be a warm-up or something?"

When she looked down at me, I could see that she was genuinely hurt by my remark, and I hated myself for it. Not wanting a repeat of my mistake with Amy, I immediately sat up beside her and clutched her tightly.

"I'm sorry. That was cruel of me to say."

"No. No, I deserve that... and no, you weren't. I just..."

She began to shake against me, melting into my embrace.

"I just wanted it to finally happen, you know? I mean... Amy has always been the sexually adventurous one... but then you and Talia and Stephanie... all of you have had these great experiences with other people, and I just wanted to experience it for myself... but I've always been kind of nervous about it. Then Steve came along and he was all for it, but... I just wanted it to be special... I wanted it to mean something... I wanted it to be with the right guy, and not just any guy..." She gazed up at me with her sad, wet eyes and said, "I realized that it wasn't him that I wanted it to be with. It... it was you. It... It wouldn't be special with anyone else..."

She clutched me tightly as she began to sob, everything coming out in torrents of emotion. I held her close for the next few minutes, waiting for her to get it all out of her system, her supple naked body pressed up against my own. She had been there for me when I needed it, so it was only fair that I return the favor.

She finally calmed down a few minutes later, and we both laid out on the bed together and held one another, no words spoken between us until she finally said, "I've really fucked up, haven't I?"

"Not as much as you think."

"I've been seeing Talia's ex behind her back. That's a major no-no. I knew it was wrong too, I just..."

She pulled my arms toward her, signaling that she wanted to be held. Gentleman that I am, I obliged her request.

She finished her thought with a whispered, "It's just nice to feel wanted... You know?"

I knew the feeling quite well, though I didn't vocalize this. I knew that I was physically attracted to all of the girls, and while I was fine just being their friend, I secretly wanted more than that. I thought that I wanted one of them to love me, to make things easier on my end as I tried to sort out all of these feelings, but that wasn't quite it either.

I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted to feel desired... like someone needed me. It wasn't love but... it was something.... something I couldn't quite define yet, but figured I'd know it when I felt it.

I turned onto my side to face her, and she did the same. Brushing her cheek with the palm of my hand, I told her, "I meant that when I said it. When I said I wanted you."

"I know," she replied, kissing my hand. "And I meant it when I said that I wanted you to be my first. You're special to me, Ian, and you always will be."

She cuddled against me, and I couldn't help but clutch her tightly to me, savoring the feel of her warmth against my skin. I had wanted this for so long now, and I was going to enjoy every second of it.

"What am I going to do about Talia?" she whispered.

"Look... you made a mistake. Yes, I'm sure Talia'll be mad, but that doesn't mean that she's going to disown you. We're friends, Corrine. All of us."

We stayed like that for a while, until it was that unfortunate time when I had to take my leave. I wanted to stay like that forever, but there was the whole matter of her parents coming home. Pretty sure they wouldn't approve of our 'study-session'.

When we finally hugged each other tightly at the door, I whispered into her ear, "All will be well again."

She smiled her bright beautiful smile at me, my heart melting in my chest as she slowly leaned forward and kissed me passionately. I had dreamed of kisses like this one, and yet there was nothing like the real thing; my whole body going numb as I became light-headed.

When we were finished, I asked the awkward question that hung in the air like a phantom third-wheel. "Where do we go from here?"

She of course knew that I meant us specifically. We'd just broken a major friendship barrier, and while I'd done so before with Stephanie and Talia, each had ended differently. How would this scenario play out?

"I really care about you, Ian. You're one of my best friends, and I don't want to spoil that. We're all sort of forgetting that this is senior year and... well, we'll all be going separate ways in a few months. That alone really scares me, but the thought of being something more, knowing that we'd have to let it go... it terrifies me, and I don't think that I could handle it. Does that make any sense to you?"

While I was feeling a bit deflated, I knew exactly what she meant. I'd gotten my acceptance letter from MIT the other day, which mean that I'd be going across the country... and far away from everyone. It was the specter that was currently hanging over all of us that we desperately tried to ignore, clinging onto these shared moments as if they were our very last together.

"Yeah," I replied, "I know what you mean."

We hugged again, knowing that there was a finite amount of times we'd be able to do so. As I held her in my arms, she whispered to me, "That being said, let's take things a bit slower next time."

"Next time?" I asked with a coy, yet hopeful smile.

"Next time," she replied with a smirk before letting me go and stepping back into the house, shutting the door behind her.