What's this friend like?

She's all that.

You're not going to lie: you're a huge fan of Carly Rae Jepsen.

While she certainly is incredibly attractive, that was never what appealed to you the most; rather, it was the longing she expressed in her music that spoke to you as an introvert who couldn't make friends but romanticized the idea of friendship and love.

So, when it came to making a friend, it was her lyrics that came to your mind first.

You flip to a new page and write "Jane" at the top and center in big bold letters, underlining it for emphasis.

"Old rule: The True Owner of the Rulebook has a best friend named Jane; they have known each other for as long as they can remember. Jane is 'all that'; she

Will always be a true friend to The True Owner of the Rulebook.
Wants to be there for him when he's feeling used and tired.
Wants to be the best he's ever known, so he'll want more.
Will (metaphorically) be the magic he never sees, so he can always rely on her to help him do what he wants to do.
Will (metaphorically) be his lighthouse when he's lost at sea, keeping her light on so he can always come to her.
Wants to (metaphorically) be the place he calls his home.
Will never let him come apart, physically, emotionally or psychologically.
Will be (metaphorically) his candle in the dark.

"Jane is absolutely gorgeous, amazingly talented, unwaveringly loyal and devoted, completely trustworthy, uninhibited, spontaneous, laid back, straightforward, kind, considerate, attentive, patient, sweet, thoughtful, funny, and brings out the best qualities in other people. She has impeccable style and taste and not a single metaphoric mean bone in her body."

You use "metaphoric" and "metaphorical" a lot; it would be weird if your best friend somehow had the power to transform into physical things like a lighthouse or a house.

As you are about to lift your pencil from the page, a wave of insecurity hits you. What good is a friend if they one day leave you alone?

Quickly, you append the rule you are writing before it can take effect.

"Like The True Owner of the Rulebook, Jane is:

Completely immune to personal harm (physical, mental, etc) from any source, and does not need to eat, drink, breathe or sleep, though she can still do so if he wants to.
Completely immune to poisons and disease, and any physical or genetic defects she may have are permanently cured.
Completely immune to pain and discomfort, though her body still signals her painlessly when she is harmed.
Will never die or experience pain unless she wishes to.
Complete immune to mind-reading, mind control and other forms of **** (except things like **** or hostages, that threaten things other than her person that she cares about).
Completely immune to any sort of ennui, boredom, despair, bitterness or whatever else she doesn't want from setting in due to her never-ending life.
Ageless, incapable of aging past her prime, and her mental faculties will never deteriorate; if she is already past her prime, she will instead revert to her prime."

You flip back and forth between the page where you wrote your protections and Jane's page as you copy from the rule that protects you from harm, wanting to ensure she has the same protections as you.

When you finally lift your pencil from the page, you feel reality change as the old rule takes effect.

~ooOoo~

Author's Note: Credit to Reddit's r/MakeYourChoice, particularly u/TroyX, for a lot of these rules. His meta-CYOAs are some of my favorite. Also, credit to Carly Rae Jepsen, for the lyrics I'm very, very clearly aping.

The title of this chapter comes from the 1999 film starring Freddie Prinze Jr and Rachael Leigh Cook. It also references the Carly Rae Jepson song, "All That", which this chapter draws from the lyrics of heavily.