Settle in to a routine

I never ended up going to the church group that night.

It wasn’t that I had anything against it. I just decided to keep exploring on my own.

Over the next few weeks, I settled into a routine that actually felt pretty good.

Classes came first. I kept up with my assignments and made sure I wasn’t falling behind, but I didn’t spend every free minute studying anymore.

I started going to the gym regularly, too.

That guy had definitely been telling the truth.

There were plenty of attractive women there in the afternoons. I started recognizing a few familiar faces, and every now and then I’d catch someone’s eye or notice a smile in my direction.

Nothing happened.

I didn’t make anything happen.

Still, I couldn’t deny that I enjoyed the attention when it came.

There was something different about knowing I could walk into a room and attract someone’s interest. I’d spent most of college deliberately ignoring that side of things.

Now that I’d taken the blinders off a little, I noticed it.

And sometimes I had to remind myself not to stare too long.

I’d finish my workout, grab my things, and move on.

Afterward, I’d usually call Sarah.

Those calls became one of my favorite parts of the day. We’d talk about school, what we’d been doing, and whatever random things came up. Sometimes we’d stay on the phone for an hour without really talking about anything important.

The rest of my time was mine.

Sometimes I’d grab food somewhere I’d never been. Sometimes I’d walk around campus. I’d check out stores, sit somewhere outside, watch a game, or just head back to the dorm and relax.

Every once in a while, I’d find myself wondering what it would be like to actually pursue some of the attention I was getting.

The thought would come and go.

I never acted on it.

But I noticed it now.

That was probably the biggest difference between this year and the ones before it. I wasn’t pretending temptation didn’t exist. I was simply choosing what to do with it.

A few weeks passed before I really noticed how much happier I felt.

One afternoon, I walked out of the gym with my headphones on and looked across campus.

The weather was nice. Students were scattered across the lawn, laughing and talking. I had a couple hours before my next class, and for once, I didn’t feel like I needed to fill them with something productive.

I just smiled.

This year was going well.

I was keeping my grades up. I was staying in shape. I was talking to Sarah every day.

And I was finally enjoying college instead of simply getting through it.

Maybe taking the blinders off had been exactly what I needed.

I just had to remember that seeing more didn’t mean I had to reach for everything I saw.